- 2 years ago
#56371
It's been a few months since my ex and I last spoke. I wouldn't call what we had a 'relationship' even though that's what it was labeled as. He would age regress and act out and cheat on me and lie to me and he'd say it was for attention or because I didn't do this or this. Talking to this person made me feel so drained, and so that sucked out all the joy from the relationship until it was nothing but arguments that went nowhere. We were horrible to eachother.
and I've had time to sort of heal from it now. I don't think i've completely moved on, cos part of me still cares about him. I care about anyone in general if i know theyre having a hard time tho. I've been told that it's not ok to have feelings for them for my own sake and that I need to move on. And I agree that. But it doesn't take over my life. I've been getting it back on track. And it's only when I'm too tired to distract myself with other things that I sometimes think about him.
I've realised that I didn't know how to handle situations appropriately and he needed a caregiver and I just didn't know how to be one. So i feel really guilty. And I was too exhausted from things in my personal life to process the information to learn.
He's poor and lives with his poor (financially) mother, who is abusive and toxic and was neglectful to him throughout his entire life. He's only young (By that I don't mean underage) and not really in a place to get his own property or something.
I on the other hand could afford to help him out, and I'd love to. I realise that I have no obligation to give him anything, but I would feel guilty if I didn't. I know he'd be over the moon for even basic things like a winter coat. There's so much that he doesn't have. The thing is, It was suggested to me that I shouldn't because it would be very expensive, and I'd spoiling him and that it would 'reward' him for his bad behaviour, that he doesn't deserve it after everything he did and said to me.
I don't expect to be told what I want to hear. I know I want to give him things but everyone has been giving me their different opinion. I'm torn. Am I in the wrong because I honestly don't see the harm? It might put them in a better place mentally to finally have something nice?
and I've had time to sort of heal from it now. I don't think i've completely moved on, cos part of me still cares about him. I care about anyone in general if i know theyre having a hard time tho. I've been told that it's not ok to have feelings for them for my own sake and that I need to move on. And I agree that. But it doesn't take over my life. I've been getting it back on track. And it's only when I'm too tired to distract myself with other things that I sometimes think about him.
I've realised that I didn't know how to handle situations appropriately and he needed a caregiver and I just didn't know how to be one. So i feel really guilty. And I was too exhausted from things in my personal life to process the information to learn.
He's poor and lives with his poor (financially) mother, who is abusive and toxic and was neglectful to him throughout his entire life. He's only young (By that I don't mean underage) and not really in a place to get his own property or something.
I on the other hand could afford to help him out, and I'd love to. I realise that I have no obligation to give him anything, but I would feel guilty if I didn't. I know he'd be over the moon for even basic things like a winter coat. There's so much that he doesn't have. The thing is, It was suggested to me that I shouldn't because it would be very expensive, and I'd spoiling him and that it would 'reward' him for his bad behaviour, that he doesn't deserve it after everything he did and said to me.
I don't expect to be told what I want to hear. I know I want to give him things but everyone has been giving me their different opinion. I'm torn. Am I in the wrong because I honestly don't see the harm? It might put them in a better place mentally to finally have something nice?