[dada789]

Hello there,

I'm fairly new to the daddy/little aspect. I have met a little on one chat site. We have been talking for three months so far. First few times we had daddy/little playtime, she also mentioned she doesn't see me as a daddy material because i'm inexperienced.

Lately she said she doesn't like me as a person but that we have a relationship which she likes more than daddy/little. When i asked he what that is she said: "This" (I guess she thinks she's a mentor for me, she didn't explain it the best).

I'm very attracted to her, like her as a little and enjoy even talking with her when she in not in little space and i understand she is like a poison for me (like Alice Coopers song), but she doesn't see me as anything important to her.

I'm confused why she played with me first few times and than stopped. Also she has few daddies. So looking for some help about this as i said, i'm fairly new to daddy/little aspect.

I know it's hard to answer for someone else, because we can't know what they are thinking. But what would be your guess, is she saying she doesn't see me as a daddy to get some answer out from me or she is serious about it?

P.S sorry for not writing this better, but english isn't my natural language

[Motherly]

I’m so sorry. You were used and, honestly, that’s just that. The more you emotionally invest, the more it’s going to hurt when she simply doesn’t reciprocate when you need it.

Being new to identifying as a Caregiver means nothing. It isn’t a job. It isn’t a skill. You don’t need “experience”. It’s a personality type. Nobody needs to teach you or “mentor” you. You are you. Nobody teaches you how to be you! She’s not respecting you by saying you need mentored or taught how to be “good”. That’s garbage. That’s her gaslighting you so she can use you.

Some people in the community are “collectors”. Often, these sorts of people collect many Daddies, Mommies, or Littles and use what they can without truly investing themselves into a commitment. They can run a person dry just because they want that attention. For us Caregivers, it’s definitely hurtful because it means we’re being used emotionally, and that can really linger around and weigh a person down. It’s definitely emotional neglect and abusive, but because it’s mostly online it’s chalked up to just being roleplay. The truth is, being a Caregiver is very emotional, and a little who plays with your emotions just so they feel good and then disregards you and invalidates your identity needs a reality check!

A lot of times it’s a red flag when a little has multiple Daddies or Mommies. A lot of times these people are very self-centered and selfish. They avoid caring for you in return. They string you on by redirecting you into roleplay scenes, and they may even gaslight you into believing you’re a “bad Daddy” because you don’t do something when they want or how they want. They’ll guilt you into overlooking that they have many people taking care of them. They want to be the center of your world but won’t make you the center of theirs. It isn’t always the case but it’s so, so, so common enough that a Caregiver should hesitate to emotionally invest in a person who already has many other connections going on.

Simply put, the girl is telling you she doesn’t emotionally connect with you. She doesn’t want you because she doesn’t want you. She just doesn’t want you. She’s giving you excuses like “helping” you by “mentoring” you because you are “inexperienced” so that she can gaslight you, emotionally use you, and eventually discard you without her feeling guilt. She already has people caring for her and making her feel special and loved. Why would she drop those others when she can just convince you to accept you’re not special to her but that you should still spend time and energy on giving her attention, support, love, and care? You’re just another toy for her when the others are busy, away, or have gotten momentarily boring. It’s my opinion that it’s best you not invest your feelings into her any more, and move on to someone who does respect you and places confidence in you that you are genuinely doing your best as their Caregiver. I’d stop giving her attention and spend time finding someone else.


Best of luck on your path!

[dada789]

A little update. I saw her yesterday before reading your answer. She said she doesn't want to talk with me anymore and just sat there saying nothing. I think she has read your answer too so she decided that.

I really hope she isn't a collector type.

Thanks a lot for the answers.

[CosmianAndNovella]

Moo moo!

We are very sorry that you have inadvertently been put in that position. As firm believers that genuine CG/L relationships are a form of romantic partnership, your partner should be as involved in your life as you are in theirs.

Regrettably, in the past we put other Caregivers in the same position as you are in right now. We collected a few Caregivers and cycled through them believing we weren't involved in any sort of "formal" relationship. We failed to realize that some of these people actually had feelings for us, and we ended hurting others.

We are thankful for our Mommy though, who showed us that it isn't fair or fun to be messing around like that. Now we're in a very happy and healthy and ever-flourishing relationship!

We believe that many people in the community are unaware about the different actors – some identify as their role (such as Caregiver, Little, etc. while the rest only roleplay their role(s). Unfortunately, the community has also blended both types of actors and it can become difficult trying to figure out other's intentions when communicating with them. It's also easy to lie about or be unaware of what type of actor they belong to, for whatever reason.

In general, people wanting to lead conversation into roleplay are only roleplay characters, while people wanting to know about you and invest in you are potentially compatible for romantic connections.

Again, we're so sorry that you went through that. The community has its flaws, but don't let that stop you from finding happiness and fulfillment!

Best of luck!