Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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By Deleted User 61988
#54931
Hi Everyone,

I’m new here and needed to get my story out of my system. After having an online Daddy Dom for 6 weeks I blocked my Daddy Monday. When we met online we knew it would be an online not relationship, I knew he had other subs, but he was so persuasive and kept saying he was sooo interested in being my Daddy Dom, my protection, my rock, my love, so many promises, I gave it a chance.

I had never had such sweet, kind, seemingly loveable and caring and nurturing support from anyone. He knew everything to say to make my heart melt. I told him I needed a Daddy Dom who would help me overcome childhood trauma. He told me he could help. He acted as though this was exactly what he wanted and hoped he could do for me but usually he just ended up talking about his mundane day events and sex.

He lost interest in me really fast and only talked about himself. I am quite sure he is narcissistic. He only made short calls and Rarely called me when he said he would. He was always online but telling me he was busy. When I asked if he still was interested in me he assured me he loved and adored me so much and he was thankful he met me and needed me in his life. I just seemed to need more time with him than he had for me. For me 2 Calls a day like 30 mins each was good, for him it was usually 10 mins once a day although I’m the beginning he was always calling me messaging. It’s like when he knew I was impressed with him he moved on.

He told me sometimes when he didn’t call me it was he was busy with his other subs. After many nights of tears and disappointments, I gave up. I was tired of waiting for someone to call who told me he loved me and needed me and wanted to work things out yet missed nearly all planned calls and Had no apologies about it. I felt like he was purposely hurting me and getting and ego boost by me nearly begging for his attention.

Now four days later I am doing better, but I am sad he is not the person I hoped he was or said he was.

I will move on, but could use some encouragement. Xo :heart:
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By Izeob
#54932
First off huggies and sory you had to go through that I know what it's like to start off great and then it amount to you were putting more into it that the other side was and it hurts it really hurts but you deserve better and you will get someone that will be exactly what you need you are not alone and we are hear for you if needed
By Deleted User 61988
#54933
Thank you! The experience has made me realize I must be more careful even if I feel so needy for a Daddy in my life. He wanted to be many many peoples Daddy and didn’t have enough time for me to build a good relationship. He expected me to just be happy with what he had to offer and it wasn’t enough for me.
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By Izeob
#54934
Your welcome feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to about it I just went through it still going through it so be nice to have someone to talk to about it
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By admin
#54935
I’m really sorry to hear that you had a failed connection in the community. It truly is difficult to find the right partnership, but I believe you will achieve that in time.

There are a couple of points that you may be able to take away from this experience to utilize for personal growth:

The more partners someone has means the less uninterrupted, focused time they have for you. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about their partners but it’s just a different sort of relationship style. Polyamory can work out well for some people, but managing one’s time divided many, many ways can become a challenge. It also makes it more difficult to establish a very deep connection in the typical sense since time may be sparse at points. You may not be a person that functions optimally in a polyamorous relationship structure or may need to seek polyam relationships with people who have only one or two preexisting commitments and are seasoned with time management.

Of course, practicing polyamory is not necessarily a bad thing though. Some people really do enjoy it and thrive having many connections. Some people don’t desire their partner’s full, undivided attention as frequently as others.

Believe it or not, many people who practice polyamory struggle with managing their time. It’s something that definitely has to be worked on to become a skill in a way. So, it doesn’t really mean this person is bad at polyamory, but it might mean that they’re compatibility requires patience and independence from partners.

NRE (“new relationship energy”) also is something the polyamory community recognizes as existing. It’s when a person becomes very excited and prioritizes a new relationship, but in a way that is not actually sustainable to their lifestyle or structure. So, initially many people spend a lot of time with their newest partner but as the relationship progresses they settle down and treat them as their other relationships are maintained because it’s much more realistic and of equal treatment of partnerships. It just happens, and is something nearly all polyam persons experience.

A second point that I’d like to address with you is the “online only” component to the relationship. I’m going to be brutally honest: it’s extremely, extremely difficult to feel confident in pursuing any sort of serious commitment or dedication, especially one with a caregiver, under the notion that you will likely never physically meet. It’s sort-of presenting a non-serious notion to an emotionally driven relationship that people ultimately want a bond of “forever”. It’s a wall that is impossible for most people to truly overcome.

CGL based romances are emotionally based. Many people find it difficult to feel emotional connections through text and phone calls. Some people have love languages that ultimately prioritize and need physical touch to develop a close bond.

Let’s face it, most people think of “online” as being different than “reality”/“the real world”. Most people don’t particularly feel special being the “online only” romance. This causes many people to not be as devoted to these connections. It causes people to treat the relationship as a roleplay—eventually, that storyline is likely to dull down and feel less exciting to play into.

So, to help reduce those feelings from quietly occurring until it’s too late to salvage the bond, you may want to consider long-distance relationships under the expectation of meeting at a far-future date. It’s okay to say, “If we really hit it off I’d be willing to meet up in 18 months at the earliest. I want to be very sure of things between us, and I have obligations here that prevent me from easily taking vacation like that.”

My last point I just want to say is that I do hope you left a farewell message before blocking this person you found you were incompatible with on a romantic level. While you don’t need to provide the reason for the disconnect you do need to inform the person of your decision. Nobody likes being ghosted, and very few people deserve that sort of relationship abandonment. I’m not accusing you of ghosting, but felt it was beneficial to jot this point down for others who may read it and need a reminder. After all, we are all human at the end of the day and we can’t expect to be romantically compatible with literally every other human.

Best of luck in your journeys!
By Deleted User 61988
#54938
Thank you for your advice. I have learned a lot about myself and what I need in relationships. I think I need to stop having online only relationships. At the time I thought I could benefit from an online only relationship, but now I realize I need more.
Also I have realized I need to have a monogamous relationship. I don’t want to share a Daddy with anyone else, it makes me feel like I am competing for attention and love.
Finally I did block him without notice, but not exactly ghosted him. I told him days before I would not beg for his attention anymore and that if he continued to make promises he would call and then not call or message, but he he was still online and chatting with others I would not continue the relationship. At first he told me to go find someone else, then he begged me to give him a second chance, third chance, forth chance. I just got tired of his empty promises. I think he began to feel me chasing him was a big ego boost for him, so I gave up. I had nothing more to say. By the way our last week of chatting went I felt he didn’t deserve a goodbye. Maybe that was wrong of me but I am confident he has no suffering because I’m gone. He has too many relationships on the go to miss anyone. I had tried to talk to him about things but he seemed to be playing mind games with me. It was just a bad idea to begin with. I think he had no intention of being there for me or being a real Daddy, he was just a collector of new subs and the more the better and when I didn’t like his behaviour it really didn’t matter to him. I could be wrong, but I have learned from this.

Thank you!
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By admin
#54941
LittleAmyJ wrote: 1 month ago By the way our last week of chatting went I felt he didn’t deserve a goodbye. Maybe that was wrong of me but I am confident he has no suffering because I’m gone. He has too many relationships on the go to miss anyone.
I do believe that those who have ghosted others have felt very, very similarly. Unfortunately, what may be clear to you isn’t always so clear to others. Please reconsider this type of behavior in the future. People, even if sometimes hurtful, are still just human.

Again, you don’t even need to provide your reasoning for cutting off contact, but as a human-to-human curtesy you really should let the person know you’ve made that choice. It takes less than one minute, you don’t need to wait for a response or any type of acknowledgement, and the outcome for you is exactly the same if not even more helpful to you since the person would be less inclined to seek you out and “check on” you. The other person isn’t left wondering if it’s permanent or temporary, if you made the choice or if your accounts were compromised, or if you are suffering from a mental condition that caused you to somehow accidentally block them.

It’s also a little unfair to suggest that he cannot love or care about many people at this same time. Many parents, for example, find endless love for many children at the same time. Other persons who practice polyamory can attest to the capability to love many others at once. Even polygamist men claim to deeply love many women. The emotions of another person isn’t something we can assume just because it doesn’t look ideal to us or make sense based on our personal feelings. Judgement on the capacity and capability of someone else’s love just doesn’t make sense.

Again, it sounds like the first part of your relationship was full of that New Relationship Energy. That notion is well established as existing beyond this individual. He was upfront about having many other partnerships already, and that was something you, at that time, did not feel was excessive. When that NRE settled down for your former partner he treated you equally to his other relationships. That may have not been fair to you because perhaps he hadn’t communicated clearly enough the future relationship structure he would carry on with you. After all, he made his other relationships clear to you and probably assumed you assumed that his routine with his other partners would match a routine in your relationship too. It doesn’t really sound like he hid his other relationship structures from you so it’s fair to say that you were pretty well informed about how he treated other romances.

So, this man you knew did not meet your relationship expectations or personal needs in a partner. Not everyone is compatible. You made a poor choice to pursue someone that you now feel has too many established partners since you feel he failed to meet your individual, personal expectations. It doesn’t meant he’s incapable of caring about others. It doesn’t really make him a demon though. It doesn’t remove his humanity. It doesn’t really justify treating him poorly. Him failing to live up to his claims or your understanding of his claims doesn’t mean he deserves to be hurt. His poor time management skills or what you feel now is an excessive quantity of relationships doesn’t mean he deserves to emotionally hurt or abandoned. One wrongdoing doesn’t justify another.

What’s done is done now, of course. I do just wish you would reconsider this type of choice in the future.
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By JelloAngel
#54944
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's never okay to play with someone's emotions like this especially people like us who need people who say they will be a good CG to be what they promise. it is not only morally wrong what he did but caused you mental and emotional damage that most likely affected your trauma you mentioned in this post. My advice to you would be to take time for yourself, every age regressor should receive a CG but you should take this experience to know what your requirements and boundaries are in future relationships. Finding a CG doesn't happen overnight and it's better to establish trust rather than an immediate relationship with someone (I speak from personal experience.) Otherwise, you seem really sweet and you deserve the best for yourself. :bheart:
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