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I would see my partner in person and talk with them about our relationship together, one another's expectations and desires about it, and if they feel the current rules are inappropriate, unnecessary, or unfulfilling to their needs. Perhaps they would want to discuss new, updated rules that are more tailored to their current needs in structure but I'm sure that'd come up within the conversation if it turns out the rules are simply "outdated". This sounds like a conversation that needs to happen for the life of the relationship. A special trip to see your partner may be warranted so that they can understand the seriousness of you wanting to work through this rough patch with them.

I would bring it to my partner's attention that I've become aware that they may be engaging in drug use and discuss my concerns about their well-being. Perhaps it may be time to offer to help them find a treatment facility if they feel too reliant on the drug. I would want them to feel safe enough to talk to me about stress or problems they may be facing, and they they have began using drugs. I would voice my concerns about the drug use but perhaps not so much about their friend choice because, after all, your partner is an adult and should be able to make decisions on who to befriend. Personally, I would view this as more of their need for support in declining drug offers than support in ending a friendship (though, perhaps she would need support in distancing the friendship if the friend has been giving her drugs in some way without her awareness and consent).

More open, compassionate communication is really all that can be done in this situation. You need to communicate how you're feeling and your concerns about what's been happening, and your partner needs to feel she can communicate to you about her thoughts and concerns.

All relationships go through changes, and all people are going to face personal battles. I think as long as you are willing to work together, and work through the hard times so that you both experience a reasonably "good" life both together and separately as people, you'll have plenty of good times to come.

You may want to connect with a BDSM-centered community to discuss the notion of "topping from the bottom" if it's something neither of you truly want. I still feel like a lot of that answer will probably come with talking with her and keeping the lines of communication not only open but feeling safe, accepting, and embracing of her thoughts.
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