Immediately I thought of a few reasons why you may have felt bad and upset with yourself:
- The cost of the diaper may be something you consider to be expensive. Wetting and/or messing the diaper meant you have now “wasted” the money since you’ll need to buy or use another diaper the next time you want to wear one.
- The feeling that you’re now “locked in” to using the diapers any time you wear them. The feeling that now that you’ve used one you’ll always be using them, even if you don’t want to use it, as if you’ll develop a medical need.
- The notion that you are “getting out of control” by giving into the desire to also use these more babyish items. This could be especially true if you have previously resisted “giving in” or told yourself that soiling the diaper is “going too far” and something you just wouldn’t do.
- The feeling that you can’t regress any younger or are now not allowed to regress older that diaper-age.
- The thought that you’ve done something “nasty” by using the diaper. That you’re acting in an unhygienic way for no good reason. This could even manifest in feeling shameful, disgusted by yourself, or even guilt.
- The “rush” or euphoria of finally using the diaper passed so it feels strange to realize how happy or exciting it felt when you were thinking about and actively using the diaper. You probably had some adrenaline surge for a few moments.
In the end, this is something you’re going to need to think about and work to mentally resolve so that you don’t hold onto these unhappy feelings. Using a diaper is not generally a big deal once you think more logically:
- You aren’t giving up control or losing control over yourself. This isn’t crack white lines. Diapers aren’t an addictive drug. You aren’t an addict.
- You can factor in finances and budget yourself so many optional-use diapers a week. There are lower cost options! You aren’t locked into medically-necessary use so you have plenty of cost-effective options.
- Using diapers does not cause diaper dependency. You aren’t harming your body.
- Regression fluctuates for most regressors. It’s okay to feel older or younger than you typically do. It’s normal.
- Diapers were created with the intention of being soiled. As long as you’re being reasonable by changing your soiled garment(s) and cleaning your skin then you’re not doing anything not factored into even the medical use of these items.
- Just because your adrenaline rush has passed doesn’t mean something bad happened. Those natural responses and excitement just can’t last forever. You didn’t do anything wrong, and in time you’ll settle back down to feeling like the experience was akin to riding a new rollercoaster at a theme park.
I feel like feeling uneasy, confused, or just generally bad after a deeper regressive experience or in exploring new regressed things is common. Give yourself time and patience to work through your feelings. Try to be reasonable with yourself and your lines of thought when evaluating what’s happened. Try to relax to your regular state so you can continue to experience, explore, discover, and enjoy your regression.