[Elvie]

I see so many littles in other communities saying they're incapable of controlling their behavior/actions when in littlespace, and god help you if you point out that that's either a sign of a mental health issue or a way of avoiding responsibility for things THEY, an ADULT, CAN in fact control.

Am I crazy or just being gaslit here? Littles are adults, but even if they weren't, actual children are capable of learning how to behave without mistreating others!

Why are people so obsessed with the idea of regression to the point of losing accountability?

I've seen a couple people trying to find out how to "calm" their little whose behavior, in any other dynamic, would be seen as abusive, and the people trying to "help" by giving advice for dealing with an actual toddler's tantrums see this as perfectly normal and fine??? WHY IS THIS OKAY??? Am I the crazy one???

[Deleted User 69497]

Some littles like to dom from the bottom. They want to act like they are the sub, but they also demand that they be in charge, and that is one way they do it. You are not being gaslit.

[karu]

I think that when you say it's a "mental health issue," people will get defensive. They might assume you're saying things just to hurt them, or that you're saying that being a little is a mental health problem. Even if that is not your intention, people might take it that way.

I do agree with you that littles CAN control their behavior in little space, because, at the end of the day, they are still adults. I'm not going to Doordash myself a hundred dollars worth of candy because that would cause me problems, so I keep myself from doing that. Even if I would LOVE to have a ton of candy.

Some people use the headspace that comes with kink to do not-great stuff or use it as a "free pass" to do whatever they want, irregardless if it hurts other people (in ways they didn't sign up for/consent to). It's not your job to teach them how to behave (unless you're a mod/admin of one of these communities, then you do have to do SOMETHING).

[Elvie]

Fair, I don't say anything unless people ask for advice but I'm not NOT going to tell them "it's not okay for your partner to treat you like this" if they ask. Especially if I'm the only one saying it.

[Elvie]

I'm not talking about topping from the bottom. I'm talking about actual abuse and manipulation. Screaming fits and rages when they don't get their way, and their partners worrying about what they've done to upset them. This is not negotiated kink. These are people who insist their cgl dynamic isn't physically intimate.

[Deleted User 69497]

That's true. That's when it crosses over into the abuse / toxic relationship category. And that's when the CG should leave. I don't normally recommend a CG leave, but in a toxic relationship they must.

[Motherly]

I don’t believe this has anything to do with dom/sub or BeDeeSeM. It’s a real problem with encouraged mentalities.

Before I go any further, I’m feeling a little unwell tonight so I might be all over the place with my thoughts. I wanted to jot them down though.

So, I don’t know what’s happened exactly but mental health illnesses, disorders, and disabilities are often promoted as positive things in the community. I feel like it’s a de-evolution of sorts. I believe some of this is because:

People don’t want to be accountable for the clearly selfish, self-centered actions they take. They say they are afraid of responsibility but often mean they dislike being held accountable.

It’s really hard to confront someone about their hurtful behavior if they say they weren’t able to control it. Further, you’re encouraged to feel sympathetic for the person instead of correcting them.

It’s hard to acknowledge the use and abuse of caregivers being heavily promoted and hold oneself accountable for neglecting those who have cared for them out of love. An easy way to pretend you’re not doing any harm is to pretend you simply don’t know better. You don’t have to worry about anyones feelings if you pretend nobody has feelings but yourself.

People also have glorified actually being a child again. Somehow we’ve fallen into some ridiculous consumerism in the community too because of this issue. People forget that a large appeal is that you are an adult but with these quirky differences and the choice of acting more regressive.

People have exaggerated childhood to an extent too but it’s also not discussed. It’s a bit over the top in some ways. Side note, I think it’s literal insanity that everyone believes children live on dino chickey nuggs, mac n cheese, and choco milk. It feels extremely disheartening that everyone believes all children find comfort and entertainment in coloring. It’s so weird that there’s no individualism any more!

People have become desperate. In their desperation they’ve realized they not only need to be found attractive but that their competition in finding love or online attention have the same quirky trait of being Little. They simply don’t automatically stand out for their Little qualities unless their regression is somehow extreme or unusual. So, they play it up because they think it’ll attract more eyes if they not only Little but Super Special Extremeo Edition Little.

In roleplay within our community it seems that disorders and disabilities are promoted as appealing because it’s an easy staging for “neediness” while being paired with regression. People forget that roleplay is just fun and not meant to necessarily reflect reality. People romanticize it very much though and I think it’s easy to fall into wanting more of those happy feelings of being loved or being cherished for the live you can provide. So, a little starts thinking, “What if I really did need care in that way? Then those feelings of being deeply loved would never end! If I was a real child again or disabled in a way then I’d even require this care!”

There is also an ongoing “one upping” that often happens in chat rooms, at least. On many sites it isn’t uncommon to see someone pop in and talk about a fantastical caregiver they have that has superhuman strength or is in constant care-mode with no independent needs or desires outside of the Little’s regression. Sometimes you see people get flashy with showing off their collections or talking about huge stockpiles of premium AB diapers they’ve stockpiled. Mostly though, it’s people talking about how genuine they are by claiming they’re inept despite clearly proving otherwise by existing in and communicating an adult chat room. They’re desperate for attention.

It’s a lot of greed in getting what they want with not having to “give back”. It’s a lot of misunderstandings on why caregivers are attracted to Littles. It’s a lot. It’s just a lot.

Now, not all people fall into behaving this way. I think our site here really helps to try to tone these things down and help to clear things up for others that have fallen into glorifying anything but who they truly are in reality.

[Elvie]

This particular place also holds a lot of people who insist that they can't control when and where they regress, which...as I keep saying (when asked), if that IS true (and I have doubts), it's not at all safe, especially for those who claim to become nonverbal or otherwise unable to function in life. I'm forever trying to find a polite way to say "either you're full of crap or you have a serious anxiety or personality disorder that you've mistaken for littlespace." (Again, obviously, that's not what I actually SAY, just...what I'm thinking.) I just really don't belong in most "little" spaces, I think.

[Motherly]

This particular place also holds a lot of people who insist that they can't control when and where they regress, which...as I keep saying (when asked), if that IS true (and I have doubts), it's not at all safe, especially for those who claim to become nonverbal or otherwise unable to function in life. I'm forever trying to find a polite way to say "either you're full of crap or you have a serious anxiety or personality disorder that you've mistaken for littlespace." (Again, obviously, that's not what I actually SAY, just...what I'm thinking.)

I very much agree with you. You are welcome to, even encouraged to, redirect people to mental health support networks if they’re expressing the inability to control themselves. I have done so myself in multiple previous responses I’ve made. You can go through my posts and see that. Some people will inevitably misidentify or miscategorize themselves either through misunderstandings or by not wanting their issue to be as serious as it actually is. It would be genuinely terrifying to realize you weren’t in control of yourself while acting like a child so, yeah, some people may very well be trying to pretend it isn’t that bad by pretending they’re just a Little.

If nobody speaks up then it’s harder to educate. Speak up.

“What you’re describing sounds really scary, actually. I’m worried for you and I believe you may be suffering from a mental disorder. You don’t have to suffer. Please see a therapist, you deserve to be safe and well and not in a situation where you’re not able to understand or control yourself.” Really, it isn’t against the rules here to direct people to the help they genuinely need. They not going to reach through the screen and pull your hair or something so just speak up and help people out!

[rosehearts]

I've seen a lot of littles use littlespace or mental health issues as an excuse to be assholes or toxic, and I've seen people use the same excuse but with little alters from did/osdd in other communities, and it upsets me a lot.

I have cptsd, borderline personality disorder, autism and possible osdd-1a, and those affect my behavior a lot and certain triggers for those can make me regress. But I can control myself enough to not make people uncomfortable and not be toxic. And if I do end up doing something toxic or making people uncomfortable my disorders aren't an excuse, I own up to it and apologize like a decent person. Unless someone did something to purposely trigger you or something they knew would trigger you and you have asked them to not do, it is your fault if others are hurt by your behavior when triggered. If they did something to trigger you on purpose then yeah it's not your fault because they're actively trying to get reactions out of you to then use those reactions against you. But I severely doubt these cases are all people who are being triggered by others purposefully triggering them.

When people do this it makes everyone who has certain disorders or certain triggers look bad so it's so upsetting to see. Like most people who are little or have the disorders I have or ones like did are harmless, but people using them as an excuse makes people think everyone who are those things will be horrible and make excuses for it.