[littlebluebunny4]

Hi my name is bunny and I was wondering if anyone had any tips or advice for looking for a caregiver

[shypricessmermaidgin]

Vet the possible caregiver and get to know them on the chats, for a month or two. minimum. Get to know yourself as a little, read about the life, and know what you want in a caregiver. Get a list of questions that you need to answer for yourself and a caregiver set that the person needs to answer. And then get a set of ones from a caregiver perspective that a caregiver would ask yourself and answer them.

Go into a relationship knowing what you want. And Im going to be honest here, what you think you want now, may change in ten years. I mean your very young, at best your 18 to 20, wait and get to know yourself as an adult and little.

And learn about ordinary relationships, because while you want a caregiver, a caregiver wants a solid relationship with you usually. And learn to listen and ask questions about how caregivers are. There's littles on the chat who has a Daddy or Mommy and they do talk about them. There's even a pair of Little and Daddy who share one account who answers questions from time to time.

Become active in the forums and on the chat. Fill in your profile (and don't put in a little put in alot), and answer questions from other people. Let your soul shine on the web. Your caregiver is there, they just don't know it.

And guard your heart in the beginning of getting to know them. Because its harder on littles when we get hurt, sometimes, when the relationship fails.

Ask, Listen, Learn, Engage with people and Know what you want thats about it.

[Deleted User 69497]

What shypricessmermaidgin said is spot on, and the only thing I would add is to check and make sure that your caregiver is listening to you and taking into account what you need and want and that it's not a one-sided relationship. A CGL relationship is a contract between both sides and sets limits and rules for both. If your CG insists on giving rules without input, run!

[Elvie]

Some red flags to look out for:

- If they want you to call them "daddy" (or "sir" or whatever honorific) the instant you meet them, and start calling you "babygirl" or whatever little term right off the bat. Those titles mean something in a cgl relationship and it suggests they want the title without the mutual respect that comes with it.

- If they think that being "big" means they get to make every single rule and you just have to accept them, run away fast. Every single rule and aspect of your relationship should be a mutual decision. If they don't see you as an equal, they're trouble.

- If they believe that they are entitled to use your body as they see fit without your enthusiastic consent, they are not safe people. It doesn't matter if you've consented in the past or whether you've made it clear you don't want that at all; either way they need to be willing to listen and not try and force things on you or guilt trip you.

- As in any relationship, hitting you (outside of carefully negotiated scenes), berating you, humiliating you, destroying your property, screaming at you, speaking negatively about you to friends and family, attempting to distance you from your loved ones, insulting you, belittling you, are all abusive behaviors, even if he considers himself the "dominant" person in the relationship. ESPECIALLY if he considers himself the dominant partner. People who do these things are not safe people. Any "dominance" shown in a relationship should make you feel safe, not afraid or upset.

- If they seem to be willing to tell you what you want to hear so you'll be with them, claim to have no boundaries, etc, be cautious. You want to be with someone who knows what they want and will be upfront about it.

- Be cautious if they're much older, since there are people out there who will see a younger person and think you'll be easy to take advantage of. Even if that's not true, they'll still potentially see you as a target and those are people to avoid at all costs.

Also don't just connect yourself to the first person you meet. Be picky! You want to find the right person for you, not just a person to fill a void.

[Deleted User 69497]

This is some advice that Dear Abby gave out a long time ago, but any little should consider it when looking at starting a relationship, or if they are in one. These are signs of a toxic / abusive relationship.

1. PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT — Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. JEALOUS — Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.
3. CONTROLLING — If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS — Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
5. ISOLATION — Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.” The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.
6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES — It’s always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong.
7. MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS — The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I am angry,” or says, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”
8. HYPERSENSITIVITY — Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.
9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN — Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also abuse children.
10. “PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE DURING SEX — Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of forced encounters exciting.
11. VERBAL ABUSE — Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation or waking you with relentless verbal abuse.
12. RIGID EXPECTATIONS — Demands that you serve, obey and remain at home.
13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS — Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
14. PAST BATTERING — Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person “made” him (or her) do it.
15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE — Says things like, “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “Everybody talks that way,” or “I didn’t really mean it.”