Hey, it sounds like you’re having a tough time with it at the moment. I know I’ve been scared of it. Learning about it will help. There’s some very good reading on this site if you explore the resources sections.
For further reading I’ve found the non fiction books from generic books very helpful in finding where I fit into this and also very helpful from a psychological perspective, if that’s something you’re interested in. Some of their books have free “tasters” about 30 pages long so you can try before you buy.
I hope that helps a bit and I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.