Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge.
Note: Personal ads are NOT permitted.
Forum rules: This section of the site is for open, group conversation and public discussion topics within the community.
► Show more details
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
#56592
Hi! So, my husband (21) and I (21) have been in a DD/LG relationship for a few years now. Since we've had our daughter, I've felt very guilty about being a little. She's only 10 1/2 months rn and absolutely amazing. As she's been getting older my Daddy and I have noticed that I've been more closed off when it comes to that aspect of our relationship. He says that there's no reason for me to feel guilty or weird about it, but I don't know what to do. I'm so worried that I'm gonna end up being upset when she's older just for her being herself and in a way jealous that she gets to be herself all the time (in public, around family, etc.) And I don't wanna risk ever making her feel bad or anything like that. But any time I can feel myself slipping into LS I just feel guilty cause I'm like "I'm supposed to be the adult, I shouldn't be like this" and just shut down. I don't know what to do cause I don't wanna stop being myself and I know it's been making my Daddy feel sad. But I just don't know. On top of that, I come from a family of old school southerners so either they call their dad Daddy or their kids call their father that which obviously is absolutely fine. But since, we found out I was pregnant my Daddy and I decided we wanted her to call us Mama and Papa. But anytime I tell my family that's what we're being called or I call him Papa, a lot of em instantly question me about it and when they're talking about the baby the refer to my husband as Daddy, even though I've made it clear that he wants to be Papa to her. It makes me angry and feel guilty all over again because I feel like I've taken something away from her. I feel selfish. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much! :heart: :heart: :heart:
#56604
I can't tell you what to do but i had similar issues when my daughter was born. I was so worried i would be jealous and that i would feel like i had to be too grown up to take care of her. When she was an infant it was difficult brcause she needed so much care amd i didn't get the little time i needed. Now that she is 2 i enjoy it more because i can play with her and i get to have some little time and im getting to bond with her. Also its fun because my husband or I can buy toys for me and people just assume they are for her so we dont get the "why is an adult buyg mega blocks and stuffies" looks. Also i can go the park and play and everyone thinks im just being a gret mom and playing with my daughter but im enjoying more than she is cause i get to let my little self out in public and no one really seems to care. It is a very hard thing to balance sometimes cause dont get fully just let go and be little cause there is always that "i have to be mom" in the back of my head but my hubby and i try to me some more "selfish" little time when she is napping or after bed time.

Basicaly you have to find the balance that is right for you. And as far as her calling her dad papa just keep pushing it family will always fight you on stuff u just have to stand your ground they dont need to know the reason why u do things a differant way.
#56616
I think for the "Daddy/Papa" thing you're just going to have to stick to your guns: they don't know your reasons, and they should respect your decisions on how to raise your child. I remember finding my way to what names I wanted to use for my parents as a kid- Pa or Pop or Da or Dad or Daddy and none of them felt quite right except 'Dad', but for my mom "Ma" was more comfortable than anything else and I've never called my Grandmother anything other than "Gramma". There was something weirdly uncomfortable about calling my dad Daddy (which, now that I'm grown and one of my CG titles is Daddy makes so much more sense), and I think you don't deserve to feel guilty about wanting to make it easier for your kid to differentiate between parents and grandparents: if you and he are Mama and Papa, then one grandpa (on his papa's side maybe?) can be "Pop-pop" And the other one "grandpa" to tell them apart. Which seems like a perfectly good reason to give your family about the matter, if they continue to pry.

As for raising the child, I think you're already off too a good start with trying to keep them safe and protected. But I can tell you from watching my little- if you let yourself go all the way into littlespace, and relax, there WILL be that part of you ready to leap back to the front if Big You is needed. My partner has done it for our child, and they're sixteen! The guilt doesn't help you, or your chronological little one: being relaxed and getting your little time helps you be your best self, though, which helps you be the best mom you can be. And I know it's hard to let the guilt go, but there's your sword and shield against it. If you don't relax into your littlespace, you're not getting the relaxation you need to be at the top of your game being the best mom. Which means, in order to "be the adult"-- you actually need to be a little sometimes! Maybe work out something with your Daddy about setting aside specific time for you to be little and he takes over if the baby needs anything- and after the timer goes off, next time Big You is needed, you become Big again. Even if you can't get into littlespace during that time, you can spend it relaxing- listening to music, coloring, even napping with a soft blanket. You need that time. So does your Daddy, to just be, and not necessarily be a parent to a bio little.

It sounds very silly and a bit strange, but one thing to remember so you don't get overwhelmed: You ARE more than just parents, and you need time to be you so you can be good parents too.
#56618
SilvaUnderworld0741 wrote: 1 month ago
If you don't relax into your littlespace, you're not getting the relaxation you need to be at the top of your game being the best mom.
SilvaUnderworld0741 wrote: 1 month ago
…in order to "be the adult"-- you actually need to be a little sometimes!
This is absolutely untrue. Littles do not need to act out being regressed or have dedicated, immersive experiences to be able to function as an adult individual. Being a Little is not a mental health condition that must be manifested to reduce or control, and it isn’t a reason a person should use in effort to escape reality. It’s a personality trait that persists, not an action or set of actions a person chooses to or is somehow required to perform.

This person will not be a bad, lacking, or nonfunctional mother if she doesn’t regress or further act out in regressive ways. She will not become more stressed out if she chooses other ways of stress relief instead. Her Little trait should not hinder her capability to parent, even if she were to intentionally choose to reduce expressing herself in regressive ways.

Realistically, any failures she may have as a parent will not be caused by inadequate regression time.

Realistically, she does not need to pretend to be a child alongside her own, actual child to be the best mother she can be to her child.

Realistically, she does not need to ignore her parenting responsibilities to be a better parent.

Littles can, and should, utilize healthy stress reduction techniques that are the exact same as typical, non-Little persons. Regression may provide some stress relief but only because it’s a form of self expression; however, it should not be the only way a person with the Little personality traits can express their feelings. They simply do not need to pretend to be a child again or ignore their responsibilities to relieve stress or adequately express their thoughts and feelings. Just like the rest of us, Littles should be utilizing multiple stress-relief methods and should not be avoiding reality.

Please do not spread these common, even popularized, misconceptions further in our community. This is an extremely unhealthy mentality to promote. Being a Little is not a handicap, and doesn’t have to be released to keep tamed.

that's a good point. I think the thing is that I d[…]

It sounds like he’s gotten things mixed up a[…]

Terminology is strange

Wow, Motherly, I do want to be here, do not ever t[…]

Hewo I am a big tomboy tho I am a middle girl I st[…]