Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge.
Note: Personal ads are NOT permitted.
Forum rules: This section of the site is for open, group conversation and public discussion topics within the community.
► Show more details
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
#56213
Hi folks. This might be tmi, but I've been diagnosed with excoriation (skin-picking disorder) and lately I've been picking at the ingrown hairs on my leg so badly that I have lovingly started referring to the exasperated calf as my "m*th leg."
I think this could be a good spot for a rule about picking, because that way, I wouldn't be answering to just myself about picking, but also my dom(me).
The thing is, I don't know how to bring it up. I feel like it's kinda weird. I don't like talking about my tendency to pick, and there's no world in which I want to be punished for a compulsion, but it's near-constant and I'm not sure what else to do.
Does anybody have any suggestions?
Thank you guys :)
#56214
This is a great example of something a decent Caregiver should never make rules or punish for doing:

https://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/LittleRules

However, a positive reinforcement reward system could be implemented to encourage you to be more aware of your picking. For example, you may get rewarded for acknowledging and stopping picking or if you’re “caught” not picking for some time. Alternatively, a good Caregiver may simply notice the picking and divert your hands by lovingly holding them, casually helping you realize the behavior so as to encourage you to pay more attention and redirect in those moments.

Skin picking can be a form of self injury for some. Some may do so from anxiety. Some may boredom pick. It causes a central nervous system reaction and is stimulating so it’s rewarding in a way. For most, it isn’t just a habit for no reason. And it’s documented that shaming and punishing for skin picking does little to actually stop it.

It may also be worth busying your hands more by holding objects that either fill your whole hand (like a stress relief ball) or that you naturally fiddle with (like a pencil). Your therapist may have more ideas more personalized to you and your lifestyle.
#56247
I have a queer-platonic partner who picks at themselves as an anxiety reaction, and actually I didn't realize that a stress ball or a designated "fidget pen/pencil' might be solutions; as it stands currently, I actually already do what's been suggested by admin and just take their hands in mine or take their hand and put something else in it (a fork, a pen, a book, a phone, anything nearby) and ask them to hold it for me until I can grab my fidget cube, which I then bring back and put in their hand instead. They've gotten much better at "catching" themselves picking, especially on their arms, especially since if I can't actually just take their hands in mine I gently say, "picking" to let them know they're doing it, since they usually don't realize or feel it. They tend to pick at rose-thorn scars that are up and down both arms from elbow to shoulder, because the divots get irritated very easily.

But I can confirm what Admin said- yelling or punishing them for picking was what their blood family used to do, including shouting at them for "Picking AGAIN!", which would startle them, but it didn't help them stop or notice when they start doing it. My gentler, sort of 'reminder' method helps them catch it more, and it's actually gotten to a point where when I take their hands they don't even interrupt what they're saying or doing, only seeming to realize their hand was "captured" and "distracted" two or three minutes later, when they ask me, "why am I holding--[whatever object I gave them]?"

I get where you're coming from; your phrasing might not have been the best, but you want help to break a painful, bad habit! Reward and gentle reminders tend to help more with breaking of bad habits, because if the habit wasn't somehow rewarding, we wouldn't keep doing it, if that makes sense. And you're doing what most people do- turning to your partner in life and your support network for that help, since if you could simply tell yourself "I want to stop, so I'll stop" and that would work, you'd have broken the habit already, because you do want to break it. Maybe give yourself a sticker for every time period spent not picking? That's how we're training ourselves to wake up when we want to- if we get up within 2 hours of when we want to get up, we get a sticker. So when it's really hard to start, maybe get a sticker for every half hour or hour you don't pick, and as that gets easier, make the time longer-two hours, four, eight, and eventually whole days. But this is just one suggestion, so don't be afraid to use anything and EVERYTHING that works for you!
#56254
SilvaUnderworld0741 wrote:I have a queer-platonic partner who picks at themselves as an anxiety reaction, and actually I didn't realize that a stress ball or a designated "fidget pen/pencil' might be solutions; as it stands currently, I actually already do what's been suggested by admin and just take their hands in mine or take their hand and put something else in it (a fork, a pen, a book, a phone, anything nearby) and ask them to hold it for me until I can grab my fidget cube, which I then bring back and put in their hand instead. They've gotten much better at "catching" themselves picking, especially on their arms, especially since if I can't actually just take their hands in mine I gently say, "picking" to let them know they're doing it, since they usually don't realize or feel it. They tend to pick at rose-thorn scars that are up and down both arms from elbow to shoulder, because the divots get irritated very easily.

But I can confirm what Admin said- yelling or punishing them for picking was what their blood family used to do, including shouting at them for "Picking AGAIN!", which would startle them, but it didn't help them stop or notice when they start doing it. My gentler, sort of 'reminder' method helps them catch it more, and it's actually gotten to a point where when I take their hands they don't even interrupt what they're saying or doing, only seeming to realize their hand was "captured" and "distracted" two or three minutes later, when they ask me, "why am I holding--[whatever object I gave them]?"

I get where you're coming from; your phrasing might not have been the best, but you want help to break a painful, bad habit! Reward and gentle reminders tend to help more with breaking of bad habits, because if the habit wasn't somehow rewarding, we wouldn't keep doing it, if that makes sense. And you're doing what most people do- turning to your partner in life and your support network for that help, since if you could simply tell yourself "I want to stop, so I'll stop" and that would work, you'd have broken the habit already, because you do want to break it. Maybe give yourself a sticker for every time period spent not picking? That's how we're training ourselves to wake up when we want to- if we get up within 2 hours of when we want to get up, we get a sticker. So when it's really hard to start, maybe get a sticker for every half hour or hour you don't pick, and as that gets easier, make the time longer-two hours, four, eight, and eventually whole days. But this is just one suggestion, so don't be afraid to use anything and EVERYTHING that works for you!
@SilvaUnderworld0741,

thank you so much!!!!!! I might make a chart to help me stop picking at my legs and use stickers for days i dont pick!! That would be a fun way to unlearn bad habits... ur amazing. I may post the product here somewhere later... thank you again!! :bye:

I went and did a search. Personally, cloth ones […]

It sounds like there isn’t a solid commitmen[…]

I want to age regress but I'm unable to

might not be of much help but if you haven't then […]

I do blame myself, because knowing this I, at th[…]