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#56116
I don't know how to explain exactly but I'm going to try.
So, sometimes my hubby says things that feel condescending like you might say to a kid when you're brushing them off or brushing off their questions, like it's not important that I want to know or ask about stuff. And it's not even necessarily something important, just having a conversation and then I get brushed aside like I don't matter anymore. It makes me not want to engage in conversation with him, and I hate the way I feel when it happens.
Then I get emotional which leads me toward little space, which is something he's clueless about, and it's hard not to get depressed.

Sorry, feeling really little right now, but I'm glad I found this forum.
#56117
I feel like what you’re describing may be less of a problem with being a little with a partner who doesn’t quite understand it but more an issue with communication in your relationship. Your partner may be blowing you off because something else feels like a better investment of their attention in that moment. Maybe they don’t realize how important their response is at these times though, and maybe there are some more positives cues (like making more eye contact when addressing you) they can incorporate to reduce the negative message they’re sending you.

Have you considered couples therapy to help you work together on communicating better?

It’s important that your partner understand how hurtful feeling ignored or “brushed aside” can be for you and what exactly they do that causes you to have those feelings. That can be difficult to say though in a way that your partner understands well so it may take a few conversations of brainstorming together how to go about resolving all of this. It may take some work on their end to become more aware of habits they may do that send you those hurtful signals and it may be up to you to remind yourself that they’re trying to do better.

I would also suggest you prompt them to try out maybe some virtual couples counseling for you two. You aren’t locked in to doing it forever so if either of you don’t like it then you don’t have to keep doing it. It’s supposed to help you communicate better and all relationships can benefit from that.

In the meantime, try to come up with a couple of easy things your partner could do to improve their responses. I’d try to explain some of the smaller behaviors or language that makes you feel like you don’t matter so much. Ask your partner to try to be more aware of just a couple of these points in effort to minimize them. Ask your partner to try to incorporate a couple of the positive cues you can think of too. Talk about what they mean when they say or do certain things in case you’re misunderstanding some of their more subtle messages. Maybe big changes won’t happen overnight but together you can talk through your feelings and find how to make a few smaller changes. Small changes can absolutely add up to make a difference but don’t expect to resolve this immediately. Work on it together!

Enjoy your path together :hugs:

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