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Hello all. I am very new to this community as well as this lifestyle. A little about myself before I go into why I am feeling the way I am. ..
I've been sexually assaulted as a child, and I never received the proper therapy or help I needed to cope with it all my life. I'm now much older now, and I recently discovered Age-play RP online. I of course have been RPing with other consenting adults and have enjoyed it. But, guilt sets right in afterward and I feel so sick about it like there is something extremely wrong with me and that I'm not okay. It really started to affect me where I even felt suicidal this past two weeks about it.
I do plan to seek therapy anyways as I do have other mental health issues that need to be addressed, and this is also something I wanted to bring to the therapist, has anyone else discussed this with their therapist at all? But I'm struggling with how I feel because when I'm RPing as a little or with others RPing a scenario about a fictional little it still causes me mental distress.
It's something completely still new to me and the fact that I get aroused from it scares me more.
Everything I do during RP is strictly fantasy and nothing more, I would never condone the actual act of hurting another being.
I do have a S/O, and I have recently discussed with them how I am feeling, but I know they're very confused by it still but they've also been emotionally supportive about how I've been feeling..
Has anyone else felt this way or feels this way? How did you cope with it? I do apologize for the large ammount of text I just feel very alone in how I am feeling about all of this.
I’m really sorry you have suffered from being abused, but please understand that our community is not roleplaying. While many, but not all, Littles may use RP with their partner(s) as a form of self expression they are not simply role players or characters you may think they’re just making up. It doesn’t just exist online for us. At the end of the day being a little is who the person is as a real-life individual. This is not some hobby or pastime for us. You may want to take some time to learn about the personality types we identify as within our community to help in your own personal journey.

littlebittie wrote: 2 months ago
...RPing a scenario about a fictional little
littlebittie wrote: 2 months ago
Everything I do during RP is strictly fantasy and nothing more, I would never condone the actual act of hurting another being.
“Little” is not another term for “child character”. “Little” does not mean “an adult roleplaying the part of a child character” either.

I just want to be clear that if you are roleplaying out fantasies of a child being abused then this is absolutely not of our community. We do not support fantasies of harming children, even if you only intend them to stay as fantasy. It doesn’t matter if you’re RPing the role of the to-be-abused child to further the fantasy of a child being taken advantage of—this is not what a Little is or does. A Little who chooses to RP as a Little is RPing as themselves, their identity based on their personality, and is using it as a form of self-expression.

If you are feeling suicidal at times or consider harming yourself then the only answer to finding help is through trained means, such as licensed therapists. Nobody but a professional can provide you with an assistive hand to move beyond your trauma. I can assure you that professional therapists have heard all sorts of confessions, and that online roleplay isn’t going to cause them to react harshly to you. If you feel your roleplay habits may be relevant to your previous abuse or future recovery in any possible way then please do talk with the therapist about it too. Please reach out for support as soon as possible so that you have the opportunity to overcome your abuser’s cruelty. You deserve the chance to feel whole. You can still have that if you take that step forward in talking to someone who understands and can help. You are worth it.

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