[lemonhoneyyy]

My partner and I both regress. Sometimes only I regress and they are my cg, other times we both regress. Either way, I have always seen it as something very personal and almost intimate. I never felt comfortable exploring little space unless they were with me. We haven’t regressed in a few months, but a couple days ago I found out that they reconnected with an old friend and they regressed together last month. My partner didn’t tell me so I found out from social media. We talked it out, but I still feel really sad and somewhat insecure in our relationship now, which hasn’t happened in the almost 8 months we have been together. Is it normal to be sad about this? I feel selfish because I would never try to control what they can and can’t do but it’s still making me sad that they were little with someone else, and on top of that they didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I definitely feel like I’m oversharing and I’m not sure this is the right place to talk about this, but I don’t have any friends that are accepting of age regression so I don’t have anyone to talk to. If there’s a different website or forum that would be more appropriate for this please let me know!

[SlithyToves]

This site seems like exactly the right place to talk about this. It does sound like your partner violated your trust by regressing with someone else, since they knew full well that it would hurt you to learn about it. Your partner needs to understand that they're going to have to work to rebuild trust in the relationship, and if you haven't yet it I think it would be a good idea to talk about both of your expectations for the relationship regarding who you can and can't regress with. Hopefully they're coming to terms with what they did and the impact it's had on you and the relationship. It's important that each of you recognizes how the other is feeling and maintains communication as you both work through this.

[Motherly]

This is a really good request for some advice, and it certainly does belong here.

All relationships have intimacy boundaries. This is often seen obviously as open mouth kisses, hand-holding, and sex. It can absolutely extend to massage, intimate conversational topics, and, in the case of regressors, regression itself. These points are usually considered “off-limits” to experience with others while in a relationship unless a clear conversation occurs and there is an agreement between partners.

Regression is very personal and can be deeply bonding. It can feel very intimate, regardless of physically intimate activity. Generally, it shouldn’t be publicly shared in full.

I would be emotionally hurt, and feeling betrayed to some degree, if my partner regressed with someone else. It’s a very special, private bond we share. I can understand how you feel.

So, as with any act of intimacy betrayal in a relationship, you will have to talk this through and choose to forgive. Forgiveness can take awhile, especially when trust has been damaged, but it can happen if you make a point to talk this through thoroughly and make it clear that a relationship boundary was ignored. You’ll need to discuss your relationship boundaries and expectations in case something wasn’t exactly clear on the other side.

Since your partner intentionally kept this from you then that indicates they were aware it was likely to hurt your feelings, at least. You need to talk about that. Your partner shouldn’t be secretly doing something they’re aware could likely hurt you. Hopefully a few good conversations about this can help to give you reassurance that this won’t be repeated.

There’s nothing wrong about wanting regression to be a special experience between you and your partner. Every relationship has these things. You aren’t being bad, controlling, abusive, or harmful by wanting to keep some things private and just specially between you two.

So, talk it out. Then talk it out again. Then again, until you feel you’ve gone over everything to avoid such a mishap in the future. Try to realize efforts your partner may try to build trust again, and keep trying to work together as a team to make your relationship happy and fulfilling.