Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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#55055
I know it should be pretty straightforward but I'm confused. I know that ddlg is kink. But how does a kink little act? What kind of activities do they do? What exactly constitutes someone as a ddlg little? I'm so confused and have trouble determining if I'm in a kink community or not.
#55056
DDLG is a partnership between a male-identifying Caregiver and a female-identifying Little. That’s all that the acronym actually means. As a note, CGL is the most gender-neutral equivalent of DDLG.

Terms such as DDLG have long existed to describe common pairings between a male-identifying Caregiver and a female-identifying regressor/little. It does not actually reference sexual activity, but is commonly also used in the BDSM community to describe some sexually charged scenes. BDSM is a sexual situation preference. Being a little is a personality, regardless of sexual activity. Unfortunately, this is just one of the terms that both of these separate communities use to describe usually different things.

The “dom” component in the DDLG acronym is outdated but was designed to indicate that the pairing was not biologically incestuous and that the Caregiver is taking a parental role in interactions with the little. Parents naturally have a different set of expectations and responsibilities than that of their children. More recently the “dom” component has come to indicate that the pairing is of adult-nature (regardless of sexual involvement). Prior terminology did not indicate as clearly that the partnership was of biologically unrelated adults. These terms are well-established and wiping the slate clean to replace these terms with newer ones, as to no longer overlap with another community, is not easily doable since the terms have gained traction and general understanding when it comes to CGL acknowledgement and acceptance.

Littles can absolutely engage in sexual situations, including self-gratification, without it being twisty, fetishized, or even related to BDSM because regression/littlespace is based on personality—not sexual conduct, desire, or motivation.

In addition, a little can be involved in BDSM too by performing or acting out kink-based scenes, which could include an incest fantasy adult interest. This would mean the little is still a little and involved in BDSM. Again, these are two separate, unrelated things.

This may help, taken from our facts from the resource section:
★ CGL partnerships, Age Regression, Littles, Middles, Caregivers, Adult Babies, and other identities that fall into our community are not inherently sexual or related to BDSM.
☆ CGL community members may individually also perform acts of or experience BDSM in it's various forms.
☆ A member of the CGL community can also be a member of the BDSM community. A member of the CGL community is not always a member of the BDSM community.

★ There is a sexual kink and/or sexual adult interest for roleplaying as a parent (commonly "Daddy" for "Daddy kink") or as a child or teenager. This is not the same as being a little, being a true caregiver, or engaging in a CGL relationship.
☆ People participating in those acts are doing so for sexual intention and gratification. Those adult interests and kinks may be BDSM-related.
☆ The CGL community is not inherently based on sexual experiences, desires, or fantasies.

★ Power exchanges that exist within our community are also referred to as CGL (Caregiver/little) relationships in quick contexts but...

☆ CGL does not have to mean there is domination and submission occurring at all times or on all levels
☆ CGL does not mean one person in the partnership must maintain being dominant or submissive at all times or on all levels
☆ CGL does not require a person to be sexual or experience sexual activities while regressed or with a regressed partner.
☆ CGL is not necessarily BDSM unless it involves sexual motivation, gratification, or intention. An example of BDSM CGL would be a little who regresses during foreplay to further entice and arouse their partner.

★ Power exchanges involving BDSM means that the power exchange is sexually motivated, gratifying, or intended.

★ BDSM is an umbrella term that correlates to sexual activity. If no sexual activity exists or is perceived to be unrelated to other components of a relationship between or more people then it is not truly BDSM.

★ We accept that a CGL relationship may involve a power exchange dynamic due to natural structure and hierarchy desires among humans.

★ We accept that a CGL relationship may involve BDSM components, such as powerplay (sexual play based upon a power exchange such as Dominance/submission).
☆ CGL community members may individually also perform acts of or experience BDSM in it's various forms.
☆ A member of the CGL community can also be a member of the BDSM community. A member of the CGL community is not always a member of the BDSM community.

★ Just like any other adult-bodied individual, a little may have sexual needs and interests. Littles (and their caregivers) are not necessarily sexual or nonsexual.
☆ A person who experiences regression but also engages in sexual gratification is not necessarily performing an act of BDSM unless their regression was directly a component of the sexual intention (such as the reason for arousal).

★ A little can engage in sexual activity while experiencing regression and...

☆ This does not relate to the sexualization of biological children in any form
☆ Does not mean their partner is interested in sexualizing biological children
☆ Is not related to pedo-philia, hebe-philia, ephebo-philiaor, or any attraction to biologically underage persons
★ Being a little, being a caregiver, regression, or feeling regressed is not inherently kink or adult interest.
If this is all sexually based for you then you are misidentifying and should, instead, explore “dark ageplay” roleplay within a sexually-based BDSM community that’s specifically targeted for kinks and adult interests. Being a little is not a adult interest and it isn’t twisty.

We also have a resource on identifying if you’re a little. Please take note that sexuality nor sexual motivation is noted not because Littles don’t experience sexual desire (most do, just as most humans do) but because it’s irrelevant to identifying based on personality. Remember that personality is how you perceive and interact with the world and is not limited to scenes, kink, or sex.
#55075
I have to respectfully disagree with the "dom" part not actually meaning dominant anymore. What has really happened is the fine art of dDlg has been lost to most. It is what makes a large part of this particular kink so special for the few left that know how to use it or even what it is actually meant to be used for. Daddy's domination of his princess is literally the key to what actually makes this kink so powerful and so special when used properly. It is also the reason why in my opinion a lot of people that claim to be dDlg actually aren't. Not that they are being fake. They just don't truly understand what this kink is actually about or the love and trust required on both sides to use it for what it is actually intended for.

A lg in a dDlg relationship has the need and desire for her Daddy's dominance and control. She actually wants to trust in her Daddy's dominance and control over everything. She will do whatever her Daddy asks of her or willingly get the punishment that she deserves and actually craves. A punishment that will let her know that her Daddy is in control over his princess and everything about her.

The problem is that a lot of people (Daddy's and littles included) think that means that the lg is their Daddy's slave. Which couldn't be further from the truth. He is actually a slave to his princess. To a dom Daddy his princess and her happiness are the most important things in the world to him. He wants nothing more then to carry his princesses stresses and worries of this world on his shoulders. She is what the relationship is built around, not him. In order for his princess to be happy and to be able to give complete control to her Daddy, he has to be able to dominate over her actions with her knowing that her Daddy has her best intentions at heart.

The rules that Daddy has, come from his love for his princess. They are set into place for her benefit. When she breaks these rules (usually more often then not) she knows, as well as Daddy, that Daddy has no choice but to teach his princess that Daddy knows best and to give her a lesson that she will not forget. A lesson which she wants and knows that she needs to receive.

A Dom Daddy knows how to assert his dominance over his princess showing her that every inch of her is in his loving control. All the while with there being absolutely no doubt in his princesses mind that she is the most important thing in the world to her Daddy, and that her Daddy will always do everything that he can to keep his princess safe.

Neither of these rolls are something that can be faked.
A Dom Daddy has to truly have his princesses best interest at heart. He wants nothing more then to be her release and his princesses hero. Daddy has to know how to dominate his princess properly with love and sternness. Particularly when it comes to punishment. A lg has to have the desire to be completely dominated by her Daddy and have total trust in her Daddy in order to be able to completely let go. Both Daddy and his princess have to have the natural desires for this beautiful kink of art that is both mentally and physically extreme to be done properly. If a Daddy and his princess are on the same page they will feel and have a bond for each other that no words could ever explain, and most will never experience or even understand.

This particular art is full of love, respect, stories, giving, taking, cuddles, pleasure and just the right amount of pain. Which all work together to allow a princess to completely give control over to her Dom Daddy and not have to worry about a thing other then where her stuffy ran off to. She knows that Daddy's got control and that his every decision evolves around his love for his princess, her well being, and her happiness. It is Daddy's loving dominance over his princess which allows her mind to completely let go and fully trust her Daddy to carry everything for her. Allowing her to truly be the worry free princess that she deserves to be.
#55077
EricFuller wrote: the fine art of dDlg has been lost to most.
Can you describe how the art once existed? Do you mean that DDLG was, at one point, prevalent in society? Or that the concept that most people had about the dynamic was rigid and only present under a very limited set of circumstances?

We have never found what you're describing in all the years we've been in the community. We're not discrediting you based on our own experiences, however, we would wholeheartedly like to know where you're basing your experiences off of, because knowing the history of the community is important to us.
EricFuller wrote: They just don't truly understand what this kink is
We don't believe that DDLG, and any labeled form of CGL are a kink. They are a label representing a relationship between a Caregiver and a Little which are personality traits. Though sexual wants, needs and desires may play a part in the relationship, the relationship isn't based around those.
EricFuller wrote: The problem is that a lot of people (Daddy's and littles included) think that means that the lg is their Daddy's slave.
We can somewhat agree with there being a problem when it comes to optics. Some people may believe that DDLG and Master/slave are equivalent. But we think that a bigger problem is that a lot of people, both on the outside and inside, don't view Littlespace or Caregiving as personality traits that are present in most aspects of a Caregiver or Little's lives.
EricFuller wrote: This particular art is full of love, respect, stories, giving, taking, cuddles, pleasure and just the right amount of pain. Which all work together to allow a princess to completely give control over to her Dom Daddy and not have to worry about a thing other then where her stuffy ran off to.
As beautiful and enticing as this may seem for most people, we can't see how this dream is even achievable outside of a bubble.

(We say this from experience within a fully fleshed-out MDLB relationship. LSO's beliefs aren't that DDLG and MDLB are analogous – CG/L is all-encompassing of these variants).

Unless both parties in a CG/L relationship are willing to give up quite literally ALL ties to the outside world they may have (which include family, friendships, potential significant others) which would be an extremely unhealthy thing to do, what you are describing is an impossible dynamic to achieve.

Our Mommy(-"dom") isn't our dom at all. She is first and foremost our partner, and we support each other as equals in the relationship before any Mommy-Adult Baby exchange occurs.
EricFuller" wrote: A Dom Daddy has to truly have his princesses best interest at heart. [...]
We agree that CGL requires a lot of trust, and that a Caregiver must carry their Little's best interest. This goes both ways though! A Little should also mind their Caregiver's best interest. That's how healthy relationships stay afloat.

Our personal take on what the Little should do in a DDLG relationship aligns with this site's belief system, and it does not stray from how a Little feels, acts, thinks. A Little is a Little no matter what relationship they're in, and being in a labeled relationship shouldn't dictate what they should do and how they should carry it out.
#55078
EricFuller wrote: 2 days ago I have to respectfully disagree with the "dom" part not actually meaning dominant anymore.
Domination, by definition, means to exercise control over. What you describe is classic BDSM style scene control. You do not describe a viable, long-term relationship structure that exchanges respect while also nurturing a partner’s childlike qualities in a way that, ultimately, provides them with ongoing reassurance and stability.

An import keyword here for an adult with a childlike personality is nurture—not domination, not control. Regressors desire to be treated as children to some degrees, and domination isn’t something a good parent does to a child they care about.

A good parent does not “control” their child. They help their child to be respectful of others and learn to behave appropriately based on the environment immediately around them. A parent tries to control outside harms. A parent tries to control which situations their child must face. The parent works to control themselves to exercise patience for their child and to prove as a role model. A parent does not control a child. Children are not puppets, toys, or pets that are mindlessly manipulated or dominated to submit to the will of their parents.

Regressors don’t need or want to “submit”. Regressors want to be like children. They are childlike in various ways. They want to be nurtured as children. They don’t want Daddy to dominate and control them, they don’t want to be restricted into having no consciousness or capabilities of their own, they want Daddy to care for them as a parent cares for a child. They want Daddy to see that they still have growing to do in similar ways of that of a biological child. They aren’t incapable, they just need reassurance and to be nurtured.

Littles do not need to be controlled, just as children do not need to be controlled. Yes, there is guidance involved but there is no black-and-white structure involved where the Caregiver truly gets all say while the Little willingly, blindly ignores their own desires, thoughts, opinions, and feelings. Even children value being consulted, being able to feel freedom of choice, and receiving praise for decisions they made with and without assistance.

Yes, there are situations where the Little wants the Caregiver to ultimately make the decision, but there also plenty of times where the Little does not. Most Littles wish their Caregiver would simply make the decision they, themselves, would make—proving they are capable and reassuring the close bond they share with their partner despite feeling a lack of personal confidence as an adult. This is why Littles wish certain desires that are typically parent-only decisions to be made. Take for example a simple argument of “bottle feeding versus breastfeeding” for a Little with a very young regressive age. Even then they have an opinion, even perhaps a desire, that they are hopeful their Caregiver-to-be automatically agrees with and equally desires. The closer their Caregiver-to-be aligns with the choices they already have chosen for themselves the more interested they are to pursue a relationship. It isn’t so much that they don’t want to make decisions, it’s that they want their partner to agree and provide underlying reassurance that they are capable. Being an adult has simply shaken their confidence, but they are very capable.

Not all Littles want to be locked under the unrelenting control of a Caregiver, truly stripped of all capabilities above an approximated regressed age, and punished for making judgements that are ultimately better or at least of equal value to the situation presented. In all truth, I don’t believe most Littles honestly could live in such a state where they have absolutely no voice. That isn’t being treated as a child, that’s being treated as an object. Even children have valuable opinions and perspectives. Even children “get their way” well after a parent has initially said no. It’s just a part of that type of care and nurturing that type of person.

In all truth, we know that majority of the punishments inflicted toward a Little is a part of a scene. A scene is exaggerated and acted out. After all, most parents do not resort to even spanking for trivial disobedience such as sneaking a cookie or staying up 20 minutes past bedtime. Scenes of punishments for Littles are often related to sexual desires (bleeding over into BDSM interests) or stress-relief (psychologically documented that many animals, including humans, seek out or inflict physical harm to themselves for the endorphin reaction that results in endocrine exhaustion).

Children who are overly punished or have their opinions constantly ignored become fearful. They lose confidence. They become resentful of their parents. They feel unvalued, unloved. None of these things are things Littles desire to be replicated.

Most Littles in a typical, everyday state do not seek punishment from their Caregiver. Most do not seek to be intentionally defiant as to cause genuine distress of their Caregiver. A child is punished for doing something of defiance, intentionally causing distress or harm. A child cries because they don’t like, and did not want, punishment, and often because they are remorseful for causing unhappiness of their parent. If a Little is behaving often as a child then they aren’t seeking punishment nearly as often as BDSM roleplay scenes would make it seem. Periodically, maybe, but as a typical daily or weekly occurrence outside of sexual motivation (a BDSM “scene”) or as a form of self-harm (“stress relief”) is not very common at all.

I would argue that most Littles want to be nurtured. They want to be cared for and grown, to have development into a stage that no longer feels bizarre, pressured, and generally uncomfortable. Being dominated, controlled, and punished can be fun for BDSM scenes for a Little, but it’s uncommon that it’s the life they desire to be carried out without end.

Also...
EricFuller wrote: 2 days ago This particular art is full of love, respect, stories, giving, taking, cuddles, pleasure and just the right amount of pain. Which all work together to allow a princess to completely give control over to her Dom Daddy...

Learning what makes someone feel loved, cherished, and fulfilled does not mean you get to control them. Not only accepting but doing acts, such as cuddling, to appear to appreciate someone’s different type of personality in effort to gain control over them is wrong. You only control a person who wants to be controlled, and that truly has nothing to do with displays of affection. People very rarely seek to be controlled by another person in long-term commitments and it rarely occurs outside of “scenes” in healthy romantic partnerships.

In a way, it’s kind of sickening to think that showing care for a person means they will let you control them. It isn’t control you’ve been given. You were given respect and love. Trust placed in you isn’t giving up control. Being loved isn’t being able to control the person who has fallen in love with you. That just isn’t the ability to control. That’s respect. That’s that person taking your feelings into account. That’s that person thinking of you and your needs too. That’s not domination and submission. That’s love.
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