So, your partner is only a noticeable Caregiver to you if he’s getting something (sex or obvious affectionate attention) at the exact same time. It sort of sounds to me like that wasn’t always how your relationship worked, is that right? Or maybe it’s just not going the way he’s previously talked about wanting to be like.
If so then it sounds, to me, like this could’ve started for him from feeling, even unknowingly, a bit of Caregiver Burnout that’s gone unaddressed. I don’t want to get too deep into this but he may have felt under-appreciated or like the dynamic was one-sided for awhile.
Being a Caregiver is complex. I know when I feel burnout (often I’m not even immediately aware of it) or like things have gotten very one-sided with littlespace where I feel like I may not be fairly appreciated for facilitating regressive feelings or experiences I pull away, no matter how deeply I love the other person and want to make them happy. It’s really easy for a Little to get carried away with wanting more and forget that caregiving is a selfless act from the heart they should cherish and openly appreciate. And, of course, some Caregivers need more clear acts of appreciation for their efforts so just because someone else’s Daddy says he’s not ever felt like pulling back doesn’t mean your Daddy is wrong or bad.
Anyway, I suggest you read through these things to help you with ideas:
The other alternative is that he simply isn’t actually a Caregiver. You can read this article about pretending to be a Caregiver
to help you understand that possibility.
And, of course, talk with your partner and listen to what they have to say. Talking about and actively listening to each other’s thoughts and feelings openly to each other can really help.