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I'm 34 and naturally little/middle. I had hid my true self for so long because people have always put me down or made mean comments to me. I am in somewhat of a poly relationship. My husband/daddy and I are learning and experimenting with ddlg. My boyfriend/daddy is a natural daddy and he gets me very excited. Boyfriend/daddy makes me feel like the real me. Husband/daddy makes me feel like I should be dominant towards him in the bedroom but little/middle in life. I told my husband that I would like them both to be my daddies and he said no that it should just be between he and I. Kinda unsure of what to do or think. It's all so new but feels so right.
Well I'm not polyamorous myself, so I might be off base. I do understand the relationship as much as an outsider can and I know that having your outside relationship isn't cheating. I think that in giving you permission to seek outside relationships, your husband should also give you freedom to explore those relationships as you see fit. It doesn't sound as if you're getting everything you want from your husband, that doesn't mean you don't love or need him any less. It just means that your boyfriend gives you something else.
At the same time, I can understand your husband's perspective. A ddlg relationship is very intimate. I have heard of people in polyamorous relationships having rules and boundaries in place to ensure that the primary stays the primary. I've heard of people not going on dates or doing certain things with their outside partners because they've agreed to keep that as something private for only them and the primary.
I think you need to have a long discussion with your husband so that you can both explain your points of view and see if you can't come to some sort of compromise.
I'm no expert, but from my experience its takes a self confident and a true DD/husband for a poly relationship to work with a DD/boyfriend. Again I'm no expert but from what you are saying your DD/bf acts more like a true DD then your DD/husband when it comes to what goes on behind closed doors. I hate to say it but it almost sounds like your DD/husband just wants to Dom you in life in general. A true DD not only knows how to take your body and make it his behind closed doors (respectfully) but has the desire to. If I had to guess your DD/bf has that desire in him which is how he is able to make you feel the way he does. In short your DD/husband is just a dominate husband while you DD/boyfriend may be the real deal.
My Daddy and I are poly. We have our partner that we are both with (I guess that's the way to explain it?) And before anything even physically started we sat down and discussed what boundaries we thought needed to happen/be in place.
Daddy and I even asked Wolf (partner's nickname) what he felt about limits for us as well. Each 'couple' has limits so we have something special together.
For example, even though I can't get pregnant Wolf and I use protection because unprotected is only for Daddy. The three of us have gotten tested together so it's not a fear it's a 'privilage' thing I guess. Wolf and Daddy have breakfast every Friday morning together before work and that's their own. I'm invited but I often feel like I'm invading their time together. We often are all together, but we have boundaries.
I think it's a great idea to set boundaries with both of your Daddies because different styles of being a Daddy might cause problems if you're having a grumpy day. (Think of a grumpy kid that says 'Well, Gramma/Daddy/adult here let's me do it?" That might cause tension.)
I'm really sorry if none of this makes sense.... I just know that sometimes being poly can be messy because if the feels..
Ich möchte ein Eisbär sein
Im kalten Polar
Dann müsste ich nicht mehr schrei'n
Alles wär' so klar
Eisbären müssen nie weinen