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I'm 34 and naturally little/middle. I had hid my true self for so long because people have always put me down or made mean comments to me. I am in somewhat of a poly relationship. My husband/daddy and I are learning and experimenting with ddlg. My boyfriend/daddy is a natural daddy and he gets me very excited. Boyfriend/daddy makes me feel like the real me. Husband/daddy makes me feel like I should be dominant towards him in the bedroom but little/middle in life. I told my husband that I would like them both to be my daddies and he said no that it should just be between he and I. Kinda unsure of what to do or think. It's all so new but feels so right.
Well I'm not polyamorous myself, so I might be off base. I do understand the relationship as much as an outsider can and I know that having your outside relationship isn't cheating. I think that in giving you permission to seek outside relationships, your husband should also give you freedom to explore those relationships as you see fit. It doesn't sound as if you're getting everything you want from your husband, that doesn't mean you don't love or need him any less. It just means that your boyfriend gives you something else.
At the same time, I can understand your husband's perspective. A ddlg relationship is very intimate. I have heard of people in polyamorous relationships having rules and boundaries in place to ensure that the primary stays the primary. I've heard of people not going on dates or doing certain things with their outside partners because they've agreed to keep that as something private for only them and the primary.
I think you need to have a long discussion with your husband so that you can both explain your points of view and see if you can't come to some sort of compromise.
I'm no expert, but from my experience its takes a self confident and a true DD/husband for a poly relationship to work with a DD/boyfriend. Again I'm no expert but from what you are saying your DD/bf acts more like a true DD then your DD/husband when it comes to what goes on behind closed doors. I hate to say it but it almost sounds like your DD/husband just wants to Dom you in life in general. A true DD not only knows how to take your body and make it his behind closed doors (respectfully) but has the desire to. If I had to guess your DD/bf has that desire in him which is how he is able to make you feel the way he does. In short your DD/husband is just a dominate husband while you DD/boyfriend may be the real deal.