The CGL relationship is like any other romance. A large portion of finding someone suitable is spending the time making sure you’re compatible on multiple levels. A relationship isn’t going to be fulfilling if you aren’t compatible no matter what names you call one another.
Since you’ve already committed to someone then it is definitely an option to attempt to repair the misalignment. You are still capable of clearing up misunderstandings and miscommunications by now being more clear and direct with what you’d like to experience with your partner. Relationships are give-and-take so it’s reasonable to expect compromises from not only your partner but yourself. Relationships are teamwork!
Ideally, you should spend time getting to know prospective partners very well before
agreeing to a commitment. Ask base questions
and let those bleed into conversation that lets you determine if you share perspectives. These conversations should happen even during your relationship so that you can refresh viewpoints and realign together on topics one person may feel is important.
Share public resources
that you agree with and ask the person you’re chatting with about their thoughts and feelings on the topics. You can still do this with your current partner if you choose to attempt to repair the relationship. Again, this should help develop insightful conversation.
Make your intentions clear. There’s no reason to be shy and bashful when it comes to telling someone what you are sure you do not want. If you don’t want to engage in sexual situations for the foreseeable future then you should let the other person know.
Just the same, know what you want. If you want friends with benefits with no romantic commitment then say that as well as what “benefits” means. If you are looking for a happily ever after then tell the person that you’re only seeking very serious, devoted connections. You have to know what you want to be able to tell other people what this and that means to you. You can’t just expect the other person to know what you want or to be okay with you using them to “explore”.
Be prepared to accept you may not be compatible. Don’t force a connection that isn’t there, no matter how nice the person may be to you. You have to be strong for yourself and not let someone bully you into accepting them as your special someone. Gain confidence to reject and also accept rejection.
Always remember that people in this community are real people and not just labels to match. You have to spend time and effort to not only get to know who someone is but also to create a genuine bond with them. Work at keeping yourself accountable at getting to know people before committing to them.