Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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Hi! I’m new to all of this and feeling a little overwhelmed and concerned I’m doing something wrong. My husband is my CG and I’m his LG. I’m really enjoying little space and want to invest in some cute little clothes to help me get into little space and some cuter lingerie for the bedroom.

I’m worried I’m sexualizing children by dressing in such a way and having sexual experiences while dressed like this. My husband is attracted to the idea of taking care of me and enjoys how playful I am as a little. It feels odd to wear lingerie with pink frillies for sex. But when we have sex I am not in little space. But when I am in little space, I still enjoy the twisty things he does, like spanking me.

I feel like I’m doing something wrong! I was physically, sexually and mentally abused as a kid so I worry a lot that I’m doing something immoral here. Everything I’ve read says horrible things about DDLG and talks about how crazy people like me are and that we all are broken from our daddy issues. It hurts but it feels a little true in my case. Any help would be appreciated 💕
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Just bear with me for a moment. I'm aware I'm long-winded and I am sorry for that (but I promise I do have something to say)...

  • There are lingerie pieces that have snake print. Does that mean the person is sexualizing snakes? Of course not. That's ridiculous, right?
  • There are lingerie pieces that have cheetah or lepard spots as the print. Does that mean the person is sexualizing big cats? Of course not! How would that correlate, right?
  • If a woman puts on a strap-on and says it makes her feel "manly", and in a sexual situation with her partner she says she temporarily wants to be referred to as a man but self-identifies otherwise strictly as a woman. Is she sexualizing all men? Is that a form of abuse or does it logically create some sort of harm toward men?
  • If a couple engages in roleplay based on their favorite anime but with sexual components during their roleplay then does it mean the anime itself is being sexualized and in some way "abused"?
Dressing or acting a certain way does not make you become that thing or being. You do not transform into a child. Your body is still physically matured and your partner has the understanding and attraction to the fact that you ARE an adult and ARE consenting to the sexual situation that is occurring between you two when that happens. Your partner does not magically forget you're an adult no matter how "little" and childish you may feel or may believe you are acting. Humans don't get so caught up and lost in someone else's actions that they forget all logic.

There is nothing immoral as long as you are both adults, doing adult things together. You are not abusing a child. You are not encouraging your partner to abuse a child. Your partner is, at all times, aware that you are an adult and, speaking as a Caregiver myself, that plays a large part of the appeal of being with a little. The, "...This is another adult who feels safe enough with me to let down their guard they keep up all of the time, truly relaxes around me, and lets me take over for them for awhile because we're bonded so deeply and they value me for being overly-caring," feeling is what Caregivers crave.

Just stop and ask yourself one very honest question:
  • Would my partner ever, for any reason, sexually abuse a child?
    • If your answer is, "No!" then that right there tells you all you really need to know. If you have full confidence that your partner is not that sort of human then, obviously, you're not doing anything wrong. Of course your quirky personality trait doesn't make another person sexually abuse someone!
    • If your answer is, "I don't know," or, "Well...maybe?" then that is not speaking on you or your actions. That's something about your partner that is a mental health condition that should be addressed by a therapist licensed to treat such sexual dysfunctions. That wouldn't have been anything you caused.
One more important question to be honest about:
  • Is my partner okay with the sexual abuse and exploitation of children?
    • See above.
What you need to understand is that those sorts of humans are that way because of a dysfunction that needs to be psychologically, and potentially chemically, treated by a professional (or team of professionals). Something is not right about them, and we're not just talking about their moral stance. It is natural for us to find attraction in our peers of approximately the same age-range, within reason. Physical maturity plays greatly into this attraction, but there are also other components like intellectual needs we have to share with our romantic interests. We are not only socially taught that immaturity is not attractive but also biologically we are not inclined to partner with someone who is not physically, mentally, or emotionally mature enough to meet us as an equal. Those sorts of humans aren't that way because someone said child abuse is okay or because their adult partner dressed in a frilly nightie when they shared some intimacy. Those sorts of humans are not attracted to other adult humans--not because they saw an adult acting childish but because they are actually inappropriately attracted to an actual, immatured physical and mental child.

Those sorts of humans need extensive therapy because they are not functionally healthy, and pose as a danger to a vulnerable group. Their dysfunction may be due to a chemical imbalance, it may be due to some extreme past trauma, it may be from a previous brain injury, or it may be from some sort of stunted of mental development but we are sure that it doesn't suddenly spawn from their adult partner being cutesy, playful, quirky, or dressing in youthful-style clothing.

The physical needs of the matured body does not mean you are promoting abuse. Please stop beating yourself up over something that is very normal and natural, and has nothing to do with children. You do no wrong by expressing your personality trait even during intimate moments with your loved one.

Please understand that adult bodies have adult needs, and it's acceptable--even appropriate--to take care of those needs periodically. There is nothing shameful about having an adult body and experiencing regression. There is nothing harmful in doing these things, and doing these things only affects you and your partner(s).
One could even argue that a regressive episode may cause a little to be more inclined to take care of such needs with less hesitation since many littles feel regression is safer and less stressful. Biological children have little patience and self-control so it would be logical to believe a little, someone who feels like a child and relates to childhood more closely but has physically matured, would also act more impulsively and more innocently with choices they made, even with their body at times.

Remember that no matter how deep or immersive your regression feels that you do not literally turn back the biological clock and physically become a child again. Anyone making the argument otherwise is fooling themselves.
Remember that your partner is aware of your maturity. He/She has been around you for longer than one sexual situation or one giggle fit. He/She has seen you perform as an adult. There is a deeper bond there, and a lot of that bond relies on you also being an adult. Your partner is not just attracted to you because you're goofy, childish, or use a cutesy voice sometimes, and your partner is not living out some fantasy of harming a child by mock-harming a consenting adult.

Your body has experienced puberty. Your body has experienced maturation. Your body has experienced...experiences! Just as you do not forget how to spell or speak, how to count, how to read, how to walk, how to function as an adult individual in the case of a sudden emergency, your body isn't going to forget about what it's learned to be relieving, stress-reducing, pleasurable, safe, etc. You do not become another person, you do not erase your memories, you do not lose learned skills, and you do not forget how to function just because you regress or are regressed. Your body isn't going to just stop wanting certain things just because you feel childlike, and when you perform an "adult" task while regressed it doesn't have to be dirty, wrong, bad, immoral, shameful, or anything negative just because your feel immature and innocent at the time.

So, a little can even perform self-care innocently, while actively regressed. Self-care can absolutely include sexual relief. Performing sexual-relief during regression does not make the regression itself sexually-centered.

A CGL couple+ can also engage in sexually-relieving situations together during the little's regression and it does not necessarily make the couple+ sexually-based, the regression sexually-centered, the situation BDSM-oriented, or the couple+ fakes. It can still be very innocent and a care task, bonding experience, and/or act of mutual love using the physical bodies of both+ adults. This can be something a CGL couple+ does as a way to share more adult experiences gently and in a way the little feels is safe, acceptable, and comfortable for them. There is no shame in that because all persons are of adult bodies and adult minds, regardless of regressive personality or feelings.

Many regressors do not experience their regression as a separate time than their everyday life. If it was "bad" that a little have physical needs to tend to then those people would be forced to periodically be "bad" even though they had no bad intentions. That would not be very fair.

A regressor is still an adult-bodied, adult-minded individual, capable of choice and having decision-making skills, and if they have decided that they want to follow the needs of their body during a time where they feel most comfortable and relaxed then I don't see anything strange about that. I do not see how that can logically be something littles are prohibited from doing, or expected to not do during regression, when that ties strongly to physical maturation. Being a little is personality-based, not physical-body-based.

It is truly, truly unfortunate that many within our community base a lot of validation on mimicking biological childhood so closely that adulthood becomes shameful at times. It is so important that we do not shame ourselves or each other for having physically matured, learned skills, or performed well as an adult-bodied individual with adult expectations. We should be celebrating the fact that a regressor has dealt well with growth and maturation, and has learned skills required to become an acceptable adult. We have to remember, and even embrace at times, that regressors are not biological children, and do not become biological children just because they feel, or have felt, regressed. We cannot turn back the biological clock or erase previous experiences, but we can embrace those and uplift one another by loving that littles are adults.

Be kind to yourself. You are the only you. You don't deserve to feel shameful for being you.
Thank you for your reply! I’ll have my hubby read this tonight. I was feeling that something was wrong with me for being attracted to him being a Daddy or for wearing clothing that looks childlike while being intimate. It is hard for me to get past the sexualizing children thing I have read so much about from people who disapprove. It really is more of a personality trait I have. Since I’ve known my husband he’s been a CG and I’ve always been a little in different ways, we just didn’t realize until a few days ago that there were terms for these things! Our relationship before learning about all of this was a CGL dynamic and we never thought it was odd. Now after reading so much we feel a bit overwhelmed and are wondering if something is wrong with us. But he’s naturally a big loving bear and I’m naturally very goofy and childlike. We want to explore DDLG more but we wanted to make sure it was a moral thing first.
I know how you feel; I find it hard to not wonder about these things when everyone insists that people who like this stuff are pedophiles or mentally damaged. But the way I see it, forced encounters fantasies are really common. Does it mean they actually want to be assaulted? No. Do their partners want to forced encounters someone? No. With any roleplay that involves a power dynamic that would be harmful in real life, we don't want the reality of that situation. I don't actually want to be a therapist who bangs my clients, but my SO liked that fantasy for a while so I went with it. If someone did that in real life, though, I would be disgusted. But fantasy is about idealized things, not reality.

So I don't think anyone involved in ageplay wants to be a child in a sexual relationship with an adult or to be an adult abusing a child. Well, I can't say "not anyone" because I'm not a mind reader, but it's not the norm.

Look, I'll be honest and say I have no idea why I like ageplay. For the most part I like the nonsexual aspects, but I'm open to the sexual side of it. I 100% do not want to be an abuse perpetrator or victim, nor do I condone anyone committing sexual assault, ever. I am not sexually attracted to children. I was super into older women as a teen but I think that's pretty common. I don't understand why this is what makes me feel loved, wanted and safe, but it is. And life is too short to worry about what someone else thinks of that. You know who you are and what's in your mind and heart when you're doing these things. And from what you've expressed, you're not sexualizing children; in fact you're strongly opposed to doing so. So personally, I wouldn't worry, but I understand why you feel the way you do. People can be cruel when they don't understand things.
Hi Hazelnut! I can really relate. I am new to this dynamic as well, and was also molested as a child. I have found a lot of healing in allowing myself the freedom to be little with my husband. I had the same concerns as those you have shared. I had to ask myself if it was healthy to feel excited in this dynamic. I wondered why it was so pleasurable to be childlike in the bedroom. Then I realized something: for me, it has been a way to reclaim my innocence and reclaim my freedom to enjoy my sexuality. In the safety of my husband's arms, I could be little, and let go, and be playful as an adult, doing adult things!
As a grown up, I am empowered by my ability to consent. This is the opposite of abuse. By choosing to have sexual contact of my own free will, as a consenting adult, in a childlike and playful state of mind, I feel like I am taking back what is rightfully mine! Oh, spankings are delightful when they are wanted! When they are given by the one who loves you, and has promised to spend the rest of his life with you! I hope this helps! Love and Hugs, with rainbow sprinkles on top! -CookieDoe
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