- 1 year ago
#58684
Hey
I've always tried my best to stay away from AB, DDLG, age regression communities as many tend to be overly physically intimate. Today I thought it could be a good idea to try nevertheless because my thoughts "haunt" me:
Firsly, I do not understand why I feel this way. I noticed a few years ago that, sometimes, I tend to act kind of.. "childish", with a "childish" voice. I never asked myself why it happened, I thought it was something everyone did "for fun". I've also been obsessed with kid shows, video games, toys etc that I used to watch/play as a kid. Sometimes I'd have dreams about my childhood, which would leave me feeling bad for about 1-2 hours until I went about my day.
Recently, I kinda figured out why these things happen "wow, i'm age regressing as a cope because my childhood was a shitshow". I guess it's the reason, isn't it?
I'm basically obsessed with the desire to become a child again. It's so bad that I wanna do cosmetic surgeries to look more like a kid (rounder face, for example, also smaller breast). I'm sad about the fact that nothing will make my skeleton smaller. My skin will never be smooth like a baby's again.
And it's not only appeaeance wise. I want my "kid brain" back; I wanna be creative, naive again. Find a way to have fun in any situation, with anything. Give a stick to a kid and it'll find a way to have fun with it. You know what I mean?
Today, I tried to find indoor playgrounds in my country (Western Europe). Of course there were a lot. But they don't allow kids that are 13 or older. Not a single one allows adults or teens under 18 in (which I understand, I suppose). The only alternative option I found, is to rent an indoor playground for 1 day. But God, wouldn't it feel lonely and remind me that what I'm doing is not normal for someone my age (I'm 20). I mean, imagine being alone in an entire playground that's usually full of kids playing and running around. What's worse is that I'd wanna play with other kids, but it's "weird" right. And I probably wouldn't get along with someone much younger than me for real.
When I see all those activities and places that are designed for kids only, I can't help but feel extremely depressed, because it's no longer a place that welcomes me. Adults see me as one of their own, no longer as an innocent, valuable being that requires caring and help. My body is done growing. My brain will probably "keep going" until I turn 25-30. I love kids, I'd help a kid in need anytime. But I want this treatment too because I've never had it. I had to act like an adult and have responsibilites at a very young age. I've never been able to take it slow and enjoy years of calm and naiveness. My childhood is garbage, my mom has never cared for me and my dad wasn't there. Adults all treated me as a worthless, annoying thing. Typing all this makes me wanna cry, man.
Even when I'm doing "kiddy things", I feel so weird, like there's something wrong with me, that I shouldn't be doing this because, now I'm an adult and it's my turn to take care of younger humans. But it's so unfair how it's "my turn to do that" when I've never had it in the first place. It's so bizarre. When I see kids, I wanna protect them. But I also feel extremely jealous. I'm so jealous that they can enjoy something I'd pay for.
I'm also scared that when I have kids, I might live "through" them; make them do things I would enjoy doing, like in that case, go to indoor playgrounds. That part is not too big of a deal when I word it that way, but I can't think of any other major example other than that. As their mom, my duty will be to act like an adult, be the support I've never had. But it hurts.
The whole thing makes me unhappy and worried about my mental health.
TLDR; no longer being a child makes me unhappy, obsessive and it's becoming a pathological issue.
Anyone here having similar issues/thoughts?
I've always tried my best to stay away from AB, DDLG, age regression communities as many tend to be overly physically intimate. Today I thought it could be a good idea to try nevertheless because my thoughts "haunt" me:
Firsly, I do not understand why I feel this way. I noticed a few years ago that, sometimes, I tend to act kind of.. "childish", with a "childish" voice. I never asked myself why it happened, I thought it was something everyone did "for fun". I've also been obsessed with kid shows, video games, toys etc that I used to watch/play as a kid. Sometimes I'd have dreams about my childhood, which would leave me feeling bad for about 1-2 hours until I went about my day.
Recently, I kinda figured out why these things happen "wow, i'm age regressing as a cope because my childhood was a shitshow". I guess it's the reason, isn't it?
I'm basically obsessed with the desire to become a child again. It's so bad that I wanna do cosmetic surgeries to look more like a kid (rounder face, for example, also smaller breast). I'm sad about the fact that nothing will make my skeleton smaller. My skin will never be smooth like a baby's again.
And it's not only appeaeance wise. I want my "kid brain" back; I wanna be creative, naive again. Find a way to have fun in any situation, with anything. Give a stick to a kid and it'll find a way to have fun with it. You know what I mean?
Today, I tried to find indoor playgrounds in my country (Western Europe). Of course there were a lot. But they don't allow kids that are 13 or older. Not a single one allows adults or teens under 18 in (which I understand, I suppose). The only alternative option I found, is to rent an indoor playground for 1 day. But God, wouldn't it feel lonely and remind me that what I'm doing is not normal for someone my age (I'm 20). I mean, imagine being alone in an entire playground that's usually full of kids playing and running around. What's worse is that I'd wanna play with other kids, but it's "weird" right. And I probably wouldn't get along with someone much younger than me for real.
When I see all those activities and places that are designed for kids only, I can't help but feel extremely depressed, because it's no longer a place that welcomes me. Adults see me as one of their own, no longer as an innocent, valuable being that requires caring and help. My body is done growing. My brain will probably "keep going" until I turn 25-30. I love kids, I'd help a kid in need anytime. But I want this treatment too because I've never had it. I had to act like an adult and have responsibilites at a very young age. I've never been able to take it slow and enjoy years of calm and naiveness. My childhood is garbage, my mom has never cared for me and my dad wasn't there. Adults all treated me as a worthless, annoying thing. Typing all this makes me wanna cry, man.
Even when I'm doing "kiddy things", I feel so weird, like there's something wrong with me, that I shouldn't be doing this because, now I'm an adult and it's my turn to take care of younger humans. But it's so unfair how it's "my turn to do that" when I've never had it in the first place. It's so bizarre. When I see kids, I wanna protect them. But I also feel extremely jealous. I'm so jealous that they can enjoy something I'd pay for.
I'm also scared that when I have kids, I might live "through" them; make them do things I would enjoy doing, like in that case, go to indoor playgrounds. That part is not too big of a deal when I word it that way, but I can't think of any other major example other than that. As their mom, my duty will be to act like an adult, be the support I've never had. But it hurts.
The whole thing makes me unhappy and worried about my mental health.
TLDR; no longer being a child makes me unhappy, obsessive and it's becoming a pathological issue.
Anyone here having similar issues/thoughts?