[Unsure]

For several years I have locked away emotional pain due to tragic events in my life. I have been many places and seen many things. But I have also done things I am not proud of Recently theses emotions have started to surface more and more. I have broken down several times at work where it is embarrassing to be seen as weak. I have been seeking help but even still I can't bring myself to tell the doctor everything. I have talked to my wife as some of this is marital related but she has betrayed my trust and told her DD. I feel I can't even or ever confide in her again. Don't know what to do or who to say anything to. Just need someone to listen. I am most comfortable talking to women about this but they are the most betraying to me. I guess I am weird. IDK. I just to feel safe again. Thank you