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Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
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Honestly I'm not sure if my cg loves me in general anymore. We're currently in a ldr due to covid, however we've lived together for over a year and a half, as much as time zones do exist I don't think he loves me the same anymore. There's no longer any replies to any goodmorning/night texts or any response to my questions, it's like he only texts me when he has time - he often leaves me on seen which makes me so hollow inside.
In the past 2/3 weeks I recieved texts from a fellow cg friend of mine who had asked if I knew a certain somebody, when I said I didn't really know them but had heard of them he proceeded to tell me that my cg might've been cheating on me all along. I had reached out to the person who was apparently in relationship with my cg and they claimed it was a joke, of course as a person diagnosed with many mental health problems such as my excessive anxiety I simply shrugged off the matter after finding comfort in that answer. However a few days after that interaction she texted me asking if I could keep this secret from my cg - so I assumed it was something about my cg - without knowing what I was really agreeing to I didn't agree to promise anything, since my response she's cut me off from her real life and social media.
I was really hurt after those few days, I had gone to my cg to try and find an explaination but he only resally responded to my other texts and tried to change subject. Looking at it now im realising that he only really reassures me when he sees necessary, or maybe im overthinking this? Still it burns my soul that I realised he only replies when he has time and mostly leaves me on seen; During covid Ive been sending him gifts that Id call care packages, lately hes been wanting me to stop sending him anything at all - out communication is so limited at this point. Even when I regress and spam him with photos or videos of what Ive been up to (we agreed to this) he leaves them opened with the occassional 'awh' or 'thats so nice baby', we've also not called in weeks and when I had asked today he said he just couldn't. He seems so rushed sometimes when he talks me, like he always has something better to do. I feel like he forgets that he agreed to our type of relationship. I know reading this so far it sounds like I never ask about him aswell but I always do, I love asking him about his day etc, but now it's just the same replies; ''fine'' ''hell'' ''tiring''.
Our next anniversary is just in a week, I'm not even sure he remembers to be honest-
I hope anyone who reads this could give me some guidance of approach I could take towards my cg.
I don't think I should feel like I can't talk to him about these things, but I feel like Im scared to let what happens next happen. It's like I know it's going to bad??
It just hurts now.
HIya love, if you can write down how've you been feeling and what you need from your cg. If you can arrange a videochat with them, that would be perfect for telling them all these things that you are feeling.
If you need help with anything at all you can reach out to me.
:bheart: :bheart: :bheart: :bheart: you're strong and i'm proud of you.
This is definitely a lot to consider.

My initial reaction was that perhaps he was distancing himself due to some feelings of burnout. I know that if I had to be long distance again with my partner that I’ve lived with for over a year I’d feel extremely stressed out and can see myself burning out quickly and distancing myself. Although, as I read on I felt a little differently about that probability, also believing the “joke” someone made about being in a relationship with him was troubling in that it doesn’t sound like it upset him in any way. I’d be seriously concerned over that. After all, if he’s making time to chat well with a couple of people who associate him as a caregiver then why can’t he chat with you, who he is bonded to? Why wouldn’t he be upset that someone said something that could’ve clearly damaged his relationship? Ultimately, why doesn’t he respond to you whenever he does get a free moment? Maybe he feels like he’s losing the relationship already so has just surrendered to what feels like the inevitable. Questions we can’t answer though, let’s just be honest. Thoughts we can only speculate about.

It may be best at this point to prepare yourself for the worst and come face to face with reality. You can’t just sit back and let this drag on for ever, not even knowing where or even if you’re going anywhere. Ask him directly until he responds. Push for that uncomfortable conversation, don’t entertain other conversation or redirects until you get a response—

“I care so much about you and this relationship but I’m feeling things are becoming disconnected and distant between us. I need to know now, are things ending for “us”? Are we over? Have we fizzled out? Do you want to be in a relationship with me right now? I’m trying to be mature and evaluate everything that has, and hasn’t, happened these past few months and feel like we aren’t doing so well. I need you to talk about your end of this, your thoughts and feelings too. Our relationship needs some attention, can you please set aside some time for us to talk about this in the next few days? I feel like we need to prioritize figuring out what it is we’re doing. And if this is actually just feeling over for you then please give me the respect of telling me. Let’s talk.”

I don’t think anything other than communicating directly with him is going to give you the answers you need. I think it’s time to demand the answers, and figure out what you are doing in this relationship. It sounds like it’s becoming unfair to you, where you are giving much more into it with an unfair and unfulfilling return. Maybe he just feels overwhelmed trying to maintain long distance now. Maybe it feels confusing now. Maybe he feels the distance too but believes in some way you aren’t really interested in him any more. There are endless possibilities of what’s actually going on. This needs to be worked on together or the relationship may need to end so that you can heal and find one that’s more fair to you both as individuals. Maybe it’s just that circumstances have changed too much. Only you two have the opportunity to fix what’s clearly not working.

Couples counseling is an option. It’s designed to help you communicate better. I have a feeling your partner would cite a lack of time to be able to attend but it’s worth a shot to scout out some virtual counseling options and ask him anyway. Maybe he will be able to prioritize the time for a few sessions just in effort to get the ball rolling on repairing the relationship together. You don’t know if you don’t ask.

Try not to go into a conversation thinking he’s the enemy or bad guy. There’s no hard evidence for that, really. He may be feeling just as low as you are at times. Nobody knows but him. So, go into the conversation ready to talk openly, listen attentively, and find answers together. For example, if it all boils down to the distance being too much then you may exhaust all of your efforts by trying to arrange meet-ups every few months. It could calm the tension some and help reaffirm the relationship and your compatibility. Listen to how he’s feeling too and try to find solutions together (even if that does end up meaning a break up).

So, talk! See what answers you can get. :hugs:
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