Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
#55707
He is a little. And he's trying to gaslight me into beleving that I'm the one who failed. He is convinced that we are meant to be. He say's it's our destiny and fate. But I doubt it is. Although we met in previous lives and met again in this one, and even our door numbers are coincidentially the same numbers but reversed, he isn't being my ideal boyfriend. He doesn't meet my needs, wasn't there for me in the ways I needed him to be, had a shocking number of affairs and blamed it all on me for not giving him enough affection and attention (I thought I was, I gave him nicknames, virtual snuggles, sent GIFS, etc, i ask about his day but he is vague. ) We are LDR so I can't give him the physical affection he said he wants, he blamed his affairs on this even though his affairs were online, he was sexting strangers even though we sexted eachother everyday. What he was seeking what I was giving him and it's like I'm never enough. He doesn't bother to talk to me unless I talk first. The relationship has drained me. I feel like I'm the one putting in all the effort for little in return. He doesn't initiate anything. I don't feel like he loves me , so I'm letting myself fall out of love (and he's noticing it) He said if I loved him (he says I never have, but I thought I did ?( ) then he would love me back, and that he shows me the same amount of attention and affection that I show him (which I don't feel is true) and I feel like he's just saying that to hold onto me (he doesnt like losing anyone its hard for him) Then he'll tell me that everything he does is to get attention from me. he's used to me. I don't feel sexually towards him anymore, so he said we'd never do anything physically intimate again because it doesn't feel right if I don't feel nice. I know he'll be sexting/watching adult art or something since we don't do it anymore. I'm holding on until there's nothing to hold onto out of respect.
If anyone wants to say anything to him I can show him this
#55708
If you no longer desire to be in a relationship with this person, feel the relationship is irreparable, and are just waiting for it to completely fizzle out by letting it drag on then you should end the relationship now. There is no reason to trouble yourself or this other person with carrying on the label of boyfriend/girlfriend when there is no alignment or compatibility. You will need time to heal after such an experience, and at some point it’s very reasonable to prioritize your own mental health and get away from a person or situation that is unhealthy for you. It’s also very reasonable to understand that it’s simply unfair to keep this person “in a relationship” with you when neither of you are finding fulfilling compatibility together. Watering down the relationship to just being heartless labels isn’t going to do any good.

If you believe the relationship can be repaired then you will need to have some serious conversations with your partner to bring clarity to the situation. If you believe you can make the relationship healthy and fulfilling again then that’s something you two will need to work through together. A relationship counselor could help further your communication if your partner would agree to seeing one with you and you can financially afford such a service. Think this potential through to determine what, exactly, would need to change to “fix” what’s happened and if those points are truly achievable for you both. Relationships are hard work but also very much teamwork so communicating would have to be highly prioritized.

If it’s simply not repairable to be healthy and fulfilling for you both then it isn’t fair to keep it going. Since this is a long distance relationship, I’d recommend sending a brief text that makes it clear that you are choosing to end the relationship and then immediately blocking the person on all platforms and programs before they even have the opportunity to respond.

It sounds to me like the person does not currently place you in a high position of respect. It wouldn’t surprise me if the person threatened self-harm in effort to emotionally manipulate you further, but you must realize that it would not be your responsibility to babysit such, likely false, claims. If you feel they may truly harm themself then contact a friend or family member of them to let them know they may struggle emotionally since you must end the relationship and that you encourage them to check in with their friend/family member. Then I would also immediate block contact with that person so that they are not made to become the go-between for any more communications your then-former partner may want to carry on.

It may feel wrong or bad to step away, but it doesn’t sound like either of you are fulfilled or satisfied in the relationship. If it cannot be repaired the give both them as well as yourself the respect to move on to what waits in the future for you as individuals. If it can be repaired then it may be a tough path to follow for a little while so you’ll have to be prepared together.

You are not worthless, and do not deserve to be unhappy. Decide if the relationship can be repaired. Either way, focus on healing yourself and getting back to a healthy state of mind. Let this person learn and grow by respecting that they also are not fulfilled with what compatibility you offer. Either you will need to work together or you will need to end the partnership. The sooner you decide, the faster you can work on what’s best for you both as individuals.

:hugs:
Little in a relationship

:pinkh: Can a little be truly satisfied when she[…]

Making Little Frens?

I've trained myself to kinda get myself out of a l[…]

I didn't vote because it's a bit late for me. I'm […]

I am new to this site.

Thank you so much for sharing these with me! This […]