Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
#59217
I want to add, I don't think he was telling you the truth. The reason he gave seems like a cop-out. He wanted to cheat, he wanted something different, he wanted more, he wanted things perhaps you have no idea what they are. There were reasons behind all that acting up and out. Mental health, cheating, hidden desires, maybe addiction... whatever it was it was personal. I don't think he told you the truth about why things fell apart.

Addictions stem from depression. You stated you fell into depression. Within relationships partners often mirror each other. It's possible he was deep in a depressive state, maybe functioning depression, and hiding from reality by using you to be the go-between. He didn't want a caretaker, an equal relationship, he wanted an enabler. He needs help on some level you can't do. He needs professional help perhaps and to do the work on himself. This isn't your responsibility and moreover it's impossible for you to do for him. We all have our own journey to contend with. Depression is a spiritual issue, an emotional one, a solo experience one needs to go through. Sometimes when others try to help, all they do stave off the experience and make it drag out. People need to learn to pick themselves up sometimes. Think rock bottom. With addicts, sometimes that is the only way they pick themselves up.

Now, for the you aspect. Selfishness is needed here. You focused so much on him, caretaking him, you forgot about you. Fell into depression yourself. That is important. That is your needs screaming at you to be met. It's time to stop caretaking everyone else and caretake yourself. You are amazing at doing for a little, if you gave yourself a fraction of what you gave him, you would be so much better. Try focusing on you a day out of the week, only you. Or 3 hours a day each day devote to caretaking your needs. Remember you are in a mental health crisis too. You are depressed too. Try therapy, a new hobby, meditation, make a new friend, change your routine, sleep. Do something that benefits you and no one else.

I don't know if this needs to be said or if it's my place, but I think your relationship with him is over. Maybe it's time to grieve. Remember you did everything you could, but it wasn't enough because he needing to be giving to himself. It can't just be water down a well, a relationship is about an energy exchange. He should have been pouring all that love and care back into you as you did for him. The fact he couldn't means he needs to learn how to fill his own cup, be his own source. You know how to do that, you've been a source of love and devotion for him for 6 years now. Stop. See how fast your cup fills when it's just about you. Be selfish, take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life.

I also want to reiterate what others said. You are an amazing Mommy for a little. Every little on this site would give their eye teeth for what you gave him. Don't let this break your trust in yourself. You know your own worth. Don't forget it.
#59335
I'm sorry things have been rough. I know I've been gone for 2 years. It's been a rough period for me as well, but that doesn't really matter now. If you need to talk, please message me. If you don't have my number still, Qu has it. Please know that you haven't done anything to deserve this and you deserve to be treated much better. Addiction or no addiction, choices are choices and when someone chooses to hurt someone they care about, there's no excuse for it. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
#59385
We hope you are doing okay and just wanted you to know that we all miss you and want you to keep strong. I know it seems hard and things will have to change for you in order to do what you need for your heart to mend. Just stay safe and remember to also take care of yourself in this time. There is nothing you could have done or will do to stop this. You are great the way you are it is not your flaw. Reach out if you need us (daddy and I )are here for you. Sending you lots love, hugs and hearts.
#59386
The whole community is showing up giving support here. It is heart warming seeing such concern and thoughtfulness. Please take all of these comments in and see your worth your value. And as said before this is definitely not your fault in any way, but I do agree it on one thing said. Ignoring your pain and depression and pushing harder trying to be a better mommy to try and get past that was not the answer. I am so sorry you have been fighting depression for so long. Take the time you need for yourself and heal, do what you need to do for you first so that you can make the best decision for your future. You deserve so much giving of yourself so selflessly for so long. I think everyone here can agree that you deserve nothing short of time and consideration through all of this. We all care about you, so slow down and focus on caring for yourself. The site and all of us will be here when you are feeling up to reaching back out.
Adulting Sucks

I agree! Being big me is stressful and frustrating[…]

The whole community is showing up giving support h[…]

Food

Most baby food if it is fruits or vegetables(not t[…]

Decorating a dorm room is a wonderful thing. You k[…]

Hey there everyone! It has been a while since we […]