Sharing advice on how to seek, manage, and maintain a relationship that includes CGL identities.
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#57088
I don't know why, but I notice that I have a lot of luck and lots of responses on normal dating sites, but on CG/L dating sites, I tend to go completely ignored or unnoticed... To be honest, I write pretty much the same stuff on both types of sites, I even use the same pictures... I don't really know what makes me an undesirable little, but it's bumming me out because I would really like to hopefully connect with someone who already likes CG/L relationships. I know it depends on person to person, but I am curious what other CGs like in a little? If you're looking for a little, or a middle, what do you look for? I think there's something about my personality that makes me boring to CGs.
#57089
I have a strong feeling that you get messages on regular dating sites because even generic CGL points are atypical quirks. Say you say that you like coloring. On a regular dating site that’s kind of different that an adult is putting that out there as a top hobby. On a CGL site this is an incredibly generic interest though. Regular dating sites also just generally have a larger pool so it can be exciting for some people to bump into a Little there when they don’t see many accounts of Littles on that site.

Anyway, good points to hit on…

Personality.

In the CGL community there are a few repetitive things Littles recite as identifiers. If only these things are stated then they sound very generic. Being more specific about these points can sometimes help since I may be able to strike up a conversation.

Example: I like coloring, crafts, cooking, and cleaning. Fun movies and cartoons are cool. My favorite color is pink.

Suuuper generic. Bor-ing! Be more specific. Coloring with what, and what type of materials or designs? Crafting what? Cooking what? Cleaning…anything? What’s your favorite thing about a generic point? Can you give a brief example of what you mean? Maybe even be quirky and link the hex code of your favorite color. Give a one liner about why your favorite movie is your favorite instead of making a 3 point list of movies. You have to stand out. It’ll take you a minute to type it up if it’s decent.

Maturity.

I don’t know of a Caregiver who is so selfless they want a partner who is unwilling or supposedly incapable of meeting the real, adult needs of their Caregiver. No matter how young a Little may frequently feel they truly need to realize that a Caregiver does not feel that way themselves and will need the Little’s maturity to meet them. Try not to focus on only your regressive feelings. It’s okay to discuss them a bit but you will also need to show that you’re ready for a real relationship as an adult individual.

So, try to be rounded out when talking about yourself. A Caregiver may find your regression very appealing but they’ll be looking for more than just that if they’re seriously looking. Talk about goals, desires, dreams, and plans outside of regression and regardless of relationship status. Talk about what you believe makes or breaks a relationship. Talk about what sort of relationship you want beyond all of the fuzzy, warm regression stuff.

Realistic Expectations.

A lot of Littles on dating sites make really bold, unrealistic claims that show they haven’t carried on a real-world relationship and are too heavily focused on the roleplay fantasy of it all. I see a lot of Littles make statements like, “I’ll give up all control,” and, “You can do anything to me!” This is super unrealistic to a functional relationship. It’s a fun roleplay idea online when nothing is really too serious but in real life it’s not too satisfying outside of the occasional scene.

Try to be realistic and not make over the top claims. Nobody believes you’ll give up your own desires. Nobody believes you’ll “submit” to every wish of the other person no matter what. It’s be more reasonable to say that you’re very flexible and willing to adapt to a lot of your partner’s interests and desires, or are best motivated through knowing the desires, choices, and preferences of your partner.

We’re not trying to live out 50 Shades of Grey preschool-style. We’re trying to live out life with real relationships that have a few quirks to them.

No Subway Mentality.

This is short and sweet. It’s silly to have an extremely long list of points your prospective partner needs to meet. List off a few things you’d love to be compatible in (outside of the Caregiver/Little stuff) or what you’d like your partner to look or be like. Don’t go over the top. Don’t list off your Subway order.

If you’d like someone who’s also into your favorite bands then say it’d be cool if they could hang out with you at a such and such concert. If they absolutely must be taller than you then you can say it big you probably don’t want to be too firm about all of their physical features so try to figure out what you could be flexible about. Remember though that what you’ve dreamed up is in your head and you’ll need to know what points aren’t absolutely necessary for you to find happiness with this other person. ::p:

Knowledge of Their Own Identity.

People are not usually on dating sites to teach other people how to be a good partner. For some reason our community thinks it’s a good line to recite though. I, personally, want someone who has a reasonable understanding of their own interests so that we can talk about them instead of me just saying, “Here’s what I like, and I expect you to like it all too.” It’s good to be flexible and willing to learn or adapt but it’s not good to be clueless, expecting the other person to discover who you are.

Spend time reading resources and articles instead of watt pad stories and fantastical personal accounts.

Know who you are. One of my peeves was the frustration of Littles who were overly willing to “be the other gender” if I wanted. I’m not at all saying that’s you but I’m saying that it was bizarre to commonly be told, “Well, I can be a girl instead. I heard Mommies like girls more so I’m just letting you know I can become a girl if you choose.” I’m pansexual and very open to all genders and nongenders but gah I certainly think this is a deeply personal identity that I shouldn’t be in control of when it comes to anyone but myself! So, if you’re this or that, if you want this or that, then be firm and be okay that, sure, sometimes you’ll face rejection over truly just being incompatible.

The Ability to Communicate.

Be mindful that you should also be reaching out to those who you may be interested in getting to know. It was always lovely to be contacted first and in a way that clearly showed the Little had read my profile. “Hi,” is not a suitable opener. Sometimes a playful line is a good opening. Sometimes opening up a discussion about something they’ve said on their profile that also interests you is good. Feel it out.

Try not to only focus on being Little during get-to-know-you conversation. It’s hard, even exhausting or frustrating, to always try to decipher littlespeak/babytalk in text. It’s hard to always be interested in pretending the other person is a young child of toddler when you know nothing they like or are interested in otherwise. Be more than that. That’s all.

Years ago my partner wrote this personals ad. It’s reasonably okay and did a great job on standing out. We had another partner too and he also met these points above. Try to flesh things out, don’t be afraid to go above and beyond the typical expectations. Spend time talking about yourself.

I hope some of this helps. If you’re on DateCGL you can message Admin there and have your profile stuff reviewed there.
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