Littlespace Online

My Daddy has 2 Littles. She won’t call him Daddy but she does want to call him Dada. That bothers bother me. What can I do to compromise with her? I really like her and she is wonderful and we play great together. He is not her Daddy but is her caregiver and Dom. He is my Daddy, my caregiver, my Dom…my Everything.

Jeni

First off I have to ask did he say he is not her daddy? If so that is something he needs to handle. If she is in fact his little then he is her daddy as well and you may just need to figure out how to handle that situation.

I’m sorry you feel unhappy with what another one of your Daddy’s partners is calling him. Polyamory is not immune to jealousy, envy, misunderstandings, or other common relationship problems. Though, I read this and it does appear that your Daddy is, indeed, also her Daddy too:

Jeni wrote: ↑1 year ago … but is her caregiver …

A Daddy is a Caregiver. The “Caregiver” title is just a gender-neutral version of things like Daddy or Mommy. Caregivers are the same thing as Mommies and Daddies. You can think of it almost like pronouns in that Daddy, Mommy, and Caregiver is very much like he/him, she/her, and they/them. The they/them is gender-neutral but still a person! It doesn’t make them another species, right?

If you and your Daddy agreed that his other partners wouldn’t call him “Daddy” then letting this Little call him “Dadda” certainly seems like he’s skirting the agreement through the tiniest loophole. Maybe this is all a misunderstanding of sorts though and it’s something he didn’t realize means (and certainly sounds like out loud) the same thing to you. Miscommunication and misunderstandings just happen!

You should talk to him and tell him that when you agreed to “Daddy” being reserved to you that it meant other ways of saying “Daddy” too. Don’t forget to give him some examples of what names his other partners could call him that you would be comfortable with so he can consider those and talk it over with his other partner. You might have to compromise or adapt in some way after discussing this but you should definitely speak up to him and let him know what exactly is bothering you and how it could be fixed. I’m sure you’ll find a solution together once you talk it out.

Can you help me understand the difference here between daddy and caregiver? I'm not really understanding the distinction here.

Definitely sounds like a conversation the three of you need to have regardless. I'm not clear on if it's the name Daddy specifically you object to or any words that mean the equivalent of Daddy as well - if it's just the English word you could try a word from another language, or something akin to big brother? Since you all clearly care about each other I think you'll find a way to work it out.

Are you uncomfortable with the title/language she uses to refer to him or the fact that he has two Littles period? Maybe something to reflect on for yourself. To me, a caregiver is the same as a daddy or mommy, just a gender neutral word for it. Once you know how you feel, then it's time for a conversation with both of them.