- 3 years ago
#54525
So... here's my story.
I'm 27, and I feel like I grew up too fast. When I was in high school I was an academic, a band geek, an overall geek, an outcast. My idea of fun was practicing my saxophone and going to marching band. I worked myself to the point of burnout. I never partied, I never got in trouble, I never partied or did anything I wasn't supposed to, I was never popular, I never had many friends. At the time, I rejected things like anime for being too silly and juvenile. I held myself to too high of a standard. The same thing happened in college, except instead of music it was journalism, my time writing for the university newspaper.
Now I deeply regret all the fun I didn't have. I feel overwhelmed by adult life and my hard focus on my career. I have anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia that make me feel like I'm buried in stress and missing out on so much. I started a new Instagram for myself and have encountered DDLG/littlespace folks and realized that it resonated with me, but not in an exact way. I don't want to be a baby or toddler or little kid... I want to be 16 again. Anything between like 14 to 17 or so is appealing to me. I want to be bratty and beautiful. I want to wear cute clothes that teens are wearing now - I'm into softgirl and pastel goth and kawaii stuff. I want to party, be a little wild, go to EDM festivals in tiny outfits. I like coloring, all the anime I dismissed as a teen (currently on an Avatar: The Last Airbender kick) and everything cute and sparkly. And I have this 3ft orca whale plush I haven't stopped cuddling with since I was 11.
I have a boyfriend and we have a great and satisfying relationship and I don't think I want him to be a caregiver, though I haven't really explored this. My parents stifled the real me and contributed to my depression, so I resent the idea of having parents. I more want my boyfriend to be the boy I sneak off with at 15 that my parents don't want me to see. I want to be a bad girl. Although, at the same time, I like being cared for. Anything he does to take care of me as a girlfriend, whether it be buying me dinner or comforting me is something that brings me a lot of joy because I didn't feel lovingly cared for as a teenager.
Is middlespace me? If so... any tips for a newbie?
I'm 27, and I feel like I grew up too fast. When I was in high school I was an academic, a band geek, an overall geek, an outcast. My idea of fun was practicing my saxophone and going to marching band. I worked myself to the point of burnout. I never partied, I never got in trouble, I never partied or did anything I wasn't supposed to, I was never popular, I never had many friends. At the time, I rejected things like anime for being too silly and juvenile. I held myself to too high of a standard. The same thing happened in college, except instead of music it was journalism, my time writing for the university newspaper.
Now I deeply regret all the fun I didn't have. I feel overwhelmed by adult life and my hard focus on my career. I have anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia that make me feel like I'm buried in stress and missing out on so much. I started a new Instagram for myself and have encountered DDLG/littlespace folks and realized that it resonated with me, but not in an exact way. I don't want to be a baby or toddler or little kid... I want to be 16 again. Anything between like 14 to 17 or so is appealing to me. I want to be bratty and beautiful. I want to wear cute clothes that teens are wearing now - I'm into softgirl and pastel goth and kawaii stuff. I want to party, be a little wild, go to EDM festivals in tiny outfits. I like coloring, all the anime I dismissed as a teen (currently on an Avatar: The Last Airbender kick) and everything cute and sparkly. And I have this 3ft orca whale plush I haven't stopped cuddling with since I was 11.
I have a boyfriend and we have a great and satisfying relationship and I don't think I want him to be a caregiver, though I haven't really explored this. My parents stifled the real me and contributed to my depression, so I resent the idea of having parents. I more want my boyfriend to be the boy I sneak off with at 15 that my parents don't want me to see. I want to be a bad girl. Although, at the same time, I like being cared for. Anything he does to take care of me as a girlfriend, whether it be buying me dinner or comforting me is something that brings me a lot of joy because I didn't feel lovingly cared for as a teenager.
Is middlespace me? If so... any tips for a newbie?