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#53683
Hii i really need help and i feel more upset and in need of my little space then i ever was. I know this is very long but i would love if you could read and help me.
So i'm kind of seeing someone. He's my first ever boyfriend and daddy.
He's a lot older then me. A bit over twice my age and he's a busy business man. We do not live in the same country.
I'm his first little girl and the youngest girl he's ever dated.
Sometimes he is not available to talk for a few days or only text once a day and that makes me feel upset and unwanted.
We met once after talking for a few months and it wasn't what i expected. He got sick and slept for hours everyday and i pretty much was alone the whole trip. I always felt inscure about my body (something he knows) and i felt like once he saw me i was not what he wanted.
When i came back home we talked very little and were supposed to meet for another trip a month and a half after.
He said he was coming and then didn't answer my texts 3 days before the trip. A few hours before i was supposed to leave for the airport he said something came up (and explained what) and that he will not be coming.
Now when i send him a pic he doesn't call me beautiful anymore or get excited by me.. when we talk it's a lot of sex talk which i love but i need more.. whenever he calls me babygirl or text sweet things my heart melt and it's like everything is fine. Then he's not texting for a few days and all my inscurities come crushing down and i find myself crying. My friends tell me to breakup but i feel like i will never find someone who will understand my sexsual needs like he does.
Maybe he's just not aware what ddlg means or doesn't fully gets what he should do as a daddy. I really hope someone can help me and tell me if it's something they experienced or what to do.

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#53684
Not sure if this is what you want to hear but from my perspective it seems like he doesn't care for you the same way you do for him. Neglecting your little (or even just your partner) in general for days all the time, especially right before a trip and then cancelling last minute, or being "sick" the entire time you are there makes it seem like he isn't interested in persuing the relationship the same way you are. On top of the mostly sex talk. I don't want to assume your relationship or anything about you guys but IMO you could find someone better for you if you don't feel he is treating you how you want to be treated.

Just my 2 cents

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#53685
He had a lot to learn as a Daddy. My Daddy is also very very busy but he makes time for me. Even if he can't reply during his workday he'll call me when he steps out for lunch or when he gets home at night and we talk about anything we want. and you deserve someone who makes time to do the same.

Even if your Daddy is very busy and doesn't intend to make you feel this way, he has an obvious lack of life management skills if he needs to cancel a trip last second. I Don't think he sounds ready for a DD/LG relationship. His mindset is quite immature if he's treating you the way you fear he is. Ultimately the decision is up to you Honestly. There are plenty of good Daddys out there.

Overall when it comes to looking for the right partner don't compromise yourself or what you seek in a partnership; and make sure their actions follow their words. Talk is cheap and a lot of "Daddys" are good at telling little's what they want to hear. Don't be afraid to walk away.
Communication will help any Daddy understand your sexual needs.
When choosing a partner don't listen to your heart or your kitty, your brain will help you make the right decision for the other two.

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#53686
Have you had conversation with him about your concerns yet? If not then now is really the time for you to get that started. If you've had smaller conversations about these things then this is a good time to have yet another conversation about them so that he understands these things are actually not resolved. Regardless of your relationship dynamic you also have to make efforts to keep the relationship going, and now seems like a great time to pick up and push forward to try to mend what's hurting between you two.

Communication is very important in relationships, and it's something you have to do if you want to keep your relationship going. Your Daddy can't do all of the initiative on figuring out when you need to talk about something. It may be uncomfortable to have a conversation about these things but it's the only way you're going to get answers for your primary concerns. It's the only way to potentially save your relationship.

Your perspective, especially when it comes to your personal insecurities, may not be what is really happening on his end, and he deserves the opportunity to explain how he's been feeling and what has been going on with him.

As an example, the first thing I thought of when you said he slept for your visit was that he may be ill with something long-term and wasn't able to hide it when face to face with you or he was stressed out previously but relaxed around you so he accidentally fell into using the opportunity for rest. The first things you may have thought of is that he was simply trying to avoid you entirely after seeing you in person. A lot of what you've described screams to me that this man is under a lot of stress for some reason, but a lot of this seems to scream to you that he's intentionally avoiding you or something. Neither of us really, truly know though. We can speculate all day about what might be going on, but he's the only one that can give you truth.

So, try to organize some time with him that he can dedicate to a conversation about your relationship with him. Ask when he might be available for a chat and make some notes about things you want to go over with him. Do your best to be a listener in the conversation after you've asked your questions and stated how you feel so that he has equal opportunity to talk about how he feels and provide what answers he does have for your concerns.

Points you may want to go over with your partner when discussing what you've written here:

  • When we met you were ill and slept a lot. I've felt concerned that you were trying to avoid me once seeing me, but also concerned that maybe there is a health issue you are facing that you haven't disclosed to me yet. Can we talk about that?
  • We had to cancel our second meet on short notice after having little contact for a few days in a row. I know you had reason but I've felt concerned that you were trying to avoid me, had other obligations you haven't told me about, or are facing something stressful that we haven't talked about yet. You're really important to me and I want to be able to understand your decisions better. Can we talk about that and why everything happened the way it did?
  • Recently, when I've sent photos to you I feel like I'm not as attractive or interesting to you as I once was, before we met. Some of your typical responses changed and I guess I'm not really sure if there's a reason why. Maybe that's just me being very insecure of myself or you being very stressed with your job, but I really want to talk about that and how that spark use to make me feel very good about us. Can we talk about it?
  • I understand that sometimes you're not able to text back right away and that I should be patient. Sometimes I am very worried when you haven't texted for long periods of time since we are so far away from each other. I start worrying that you're sick or hurt. I feel like we didn't have as many lapses in texting until somewhat recently. Can we talk about why you're not always able to talk with me for longer periods of time now?
  • We have a tendency recently to fall into having a lot of sexual talk. I really do love these things, but lately I've been feeling like that's become our main focus. I know that it's stress-relieving for both of us, and that maybe you're under a lot of stress and that's why we're more focused on it. Or maybe it's just because we haven't seen each other in awhile. I feel like it's making us feel more emotionally distant to one another though. I don't want to give up our intimacy but I'd like to be able to talk more fluidly about our general lives. Could we please talk about that and try to figure out ways where we can connect on multiple levels periodically?
Do remember that all relationships have ups and downs. All relationships go through new relationship energy/excitement that will burn out and fizzle to a "dull", and that you will still need to find joy in your togetherness when the "new" wears off. All relationships do take work and effort, and you are expected to contribute a lot to keeping things going in a positive direction. Do remember that just because he is "Daddy" doesn't mean he's superhuman and that he is also effected by stress, health, finances, and other potential hardships.

Best of luck for whatever happens and whatever path you choose. :hugs:

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