- 5 years ago
#49186
About a year ago, I finally managed to get an online CG who seemed to be working out. Ive never had an irl caregiver or even an irl relationship really.
Recently her mental health has declined so much that apparently even just talking online is too much for her most of the time.
Since then going back to the non stop rejection and frustration of trying to find someone online has put me right back into the loop of starting to hate myself for being a little boy, and I cant even really enjoy being little anymore because I just end up not being able to feel little completly on my own and alone as recently even all the chat rooms I would hang out in are dead.
Basically im back to being miserable and tried everywhere, here, datecgl, friends, tindr, pof, cupid,that one fet community website, craigslist, i tried meeting men off craigslist but it just didnt feel right. I end up hating myself because I feel like if i wasnt this way I would be able to have a happy life. Ive been little since I was 5 but spent most of my adult life up until 3 years ago strung out on heroin and suppressed it, once I got clean it all came rushing back but I wish I could make it go away again because all it seems to bring me is self hate and frustration.
I just wish I wasnt a boy, or even that I wasnt little.
Recently her mental health has declined so much that apparently even just talking online is too much for her most of the time.
Since then going back to the non stop rejection and frustration of trying to find someone online has put me right back into the loop of starting to hate myself for being a little boy, and I cant even really enjoy being little anymore because I just end up not being able to feel little completly on my own and alone as recently even all the chat rooms I would hang out in are dead.
Basically im back to being miserable and tried everywhere, here, datecgl, friends, tindr, pof, cupid,that one fet community website, craigslist, i tried meeting men off craigslist but it just didnt feel right. I end up hating myself because I feel like if i wasnt this way I would be able to have a happy life. Ive been little since I was 5 but spent most of my adult life up until 3 years ago strung out on heroin and suppressed it, once I got clean it all came rushing back but I wish I could make it go away again because all it seems to bring me is self hate and frustration.
I just wish I wasnt a boy, or even that I wasnt little.