JacquelineNought wrote: ↑11 months ago
My family knows nothing about me being a little and it's really stressful having to force myself to be an adult when I'm overwhelmed. Driving is the worst when I'm a little and sometimes it causes me to have panic attacks. I have a minimal support structure to help me get through overwhelming situations but I really need to find my own CG who can be there for me when I need help.
I figured out I was a little (didn't know the term) when I noticed my best friend (who is a switch) exhibiting the same behavior I do when he got overwhelmed. I felt negative about being a little until that point because I felt ashamed that I had to age regress to feel safe. As for accepting my tendency to age regress, I'm kind of forced to do it because I've been doing it for so long, there's really no other way I know how to cope.
I can relate on the issue of family knowing nothing about this area of my life, as well as sometimes feeling overwhelmed with routine responsibilities. I'm sorry you're struggling, but I promise you're not alone and that what you're feeling is a completely normal response to have when you're in need of support and understanding. I know that's how I've personally responded countless times in my life.
In regard to bolstering your support, have you exhausted all of your local support options lately? Clubs, groups, meetings, etc.? When I'm in particular need of support, I just search for local groups that have even a slight connection to the things that are going on in my life. Even if you've searched recently, it never hurts to check again for anything new, or to expand your criteria for what you're looking for. I've met incredible people at events and meetings that originally had nothing to do with the issues I was going through, only to find out after meeting them that they shared similar interests, including CG! It never hurts to check...
I also don't want to bring up a sensitive subject like therapy, but having to suffer through panic attacks alone is scary and you shouldn't have to. I see a therapist that I trust and that I'm able to tell things to that I would otherwise keep bottled up forever. Seeking help in that area for a medical concern should be a top priority so you don't have to continue fighting them by yourself, if you haven't already. I'm able to control the vast majority of my panic attacks now with things I've learned and it's made my life so much better. I promise it's worth it if you can.
I know these aren't profound insights, but I just wanted to pass along any information I had in case it may be useful. I hope it helped a little, if only to know that you're not alone and that someone else is thinking about you and wishing you well.
Flourish where you are, with what you have, and with those you love.