- 4 months ago
Hello. Doug here.
I definitely find myself doing things for, rather than with my little, but as long as you find time for both, I don't think that it is necessarily a bad thing.
I do love being able to play games and snuggle, but my little and I often have different schedules in our regular lives, and it isn't always possible to be with her. And yes, even when she is present, she can be quite bratty and demanding sometimes, which does often mean I go off to do something for her whilst she does something else.
That being said, the role of care giver carries with it a certain degree of inherent responsibility, and I think that is right to sometimes (and indeed most times) be that man of the house around her. For me personally, I resonate with care giving because I don't feel like I have control over my own life, so being able to organise someone else's life satisfies that need.
Her little age range is quite broad, but is under 10 years, so when we want to spend time doing something together, we play with stuffed animals, card games, watch movies, tickle or really anything that lets us both be involved and be close to each other at the same time.
I wouldn't say this is something that I personally STRUGGLE with, but it can be difficult to find the right kind of balance.
If you are struggling with this, consider your schedules, and where they line up, try to find time to do something together. Even snuggling and sitting down to watch a movie together can be a fun and engaging way to spend time with your little. Also think about the little age of your partner and what kinds of activities the two of you can share. These activities don't have involve your partner equally. Remember, as the care giver, you are the adult in the room, and you get to dictate how playtime unfolds. Don't be afraid to tell your little no if they ask you to do something that you feel prevents the two of you from spending time with each other. As a caregiver, it is your job to look after your little and decide what is best, but what is best does not necessarily correspond to what your little wants.
As for the idea that you may do some of these activities 'for' your little (as in without actually enjoying it yourself), these issues can often be resolved by communicating with your little and finding things here or there that you find in common, and compromise where you feel appropriate.
Overall, just remember to listen to each others needs, and have fun.