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#46446
I'm a daddy dom - single - and recently I've been struggling with some depression, anxiety and strong feelings of loneliness. I have close friends but none are in the bdsm - cg/l world so I can't quite get the support that I want.
I keep busy running my own business, composing and playing music, and grabbing part time work where I can. Usually when I work a 12 hour day I'm exhausted but satisfied with my day. Recently though, as soon as I get to switch of I get washed with these feelings that do not leave until I'm back to work.
So my question is what do you caregivers and daddys do when you're single to help deal with these issues?
Please note my hobbies are my work while they do help I can't do them all day.

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#46507
Hi Hank (I'm picturing you as Hank Hill, which combined with your being a dd is kind of a funny image!)

I'm not a daddy nor am I single, but I struggle with those feelings a lot so I hope I can offer some advice that transcends those things (though obviously I hope other daddies weigh in for more specific advice).

- Distraction helps at least in the short-term. I have ADHD so keeping about a hundred things going at once is the only way I can keep myself from thinking/overthinking. Find new TV shows and binge on 'em. (If you can afford a Hulu subscription, I recommend getting one; their TV show selection is way better than Netflix!) Download fun apps that keep your mind busy.

- Listen to podcasts if you enjoy them, or find YouTubers who post content that interests you. Besides keeping my mind occupied I find they help me feel less lonely.

- This might just be a me thing, but keeping the TV on one of the home shopping channels makes me feel less lonely when I'm just going about my day. I don't know why!

- Some people find meditation or relaxation apps really helpful. I'm not one of them, but it's worth a shot. Also ASMR videos for relaxation (again, not my thing, but others like them).

- When I was younger and had panic attacks in public, it'd help me to make lists of things in my head. Like I'd sort all the Neopets species alphabetically. (If laughing at how dorky I was/am helps, you can also do that :P ) Now I have apps that are capable of distracting me if that happens but if you're in a situation where you can't take your phone out (business meeting, doctor's office), that might help. Fidget cubes, mermaid bracelets and other "sensory" toys help me manage my anxiety somewhat when I'm in a place where I need to be still but am internally freaking out (theater, classroom).

- Try Meetup or a similar site to find local people to hang out with or fun things to do. If you have social anxiety this can be challenging but rewarding.

- Don't be embarrassed about going out by yourself - I know people can feel like eating out or going to a movie alone is "sad" somehow but sometimes it's more fun than staying in! Personally I like the theatre so I see a lot of shows alone (sometimes my partner or mother want to come along but usually it's just me). And it can just feel refreshing to get outside of your home even if you don't feel like actually doing so.

- If you're looking to not be single, there's no embarrassment in dating sites these days; it's how a lot of people meet.

- There is absolutely 100% nothing to be embarrassed about if you feel like seeing a mental health care professional to help you sort out your feelings and how to deal with them. A good counselor or a psychologist can be hard to find, but goodtherapy dot org exists specifically to match people with mental health care providers based on location, income and specialty.

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#46508
I'm not necessarily a Daddy but I'm a Mommy so fall within the Caregiver category (the caregory?)

It's unhealthy to rely on having a relationship to be happy. It's not really mentally healthy for us to only feel comfortable and happiness and only fully satisfied through relationships. Relationships should be bonus happiness, not the root of happiness. I know how you feel though.
I think your best bet is to see a therapist regularly to help you disconnect your happiness from needing the joy of another person. To help you find your own happiness in yourself, through yourself, by yourself. I think you'll be stronger as both an individual and as a future Daddy if you gain emotional stability as just being you, yourself, as you are, with or without a partner to take care of
There are only plus sides to talking with a therapist about your depression and anxiety. Maybe they can uncover some unhappiness you haven't dealt with yet or can help you find healthy ways to grow yourself into being even better.

Also anything you do in excess can become bad even if you're doing good things. Moderation in all things as they say. It sounds like maybe you're overworked and growing stressed even when you don't necessarily feel your stress is linked directly to working so long. If I were you I'd talk with a therapist about this too and see if they can help you find alternative stress relieving ways where you can feel satisfied but still have had your work completed as you need.

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#46517
Thanks MommaStrange and Elvie for your replies! I probably should of said caregiver instead of specifying DD!

I do lots of those things already Elvie and they do help! Maybe I should see a therapist. I have been thinking about it for awhile. I've seen a few in the past, some have helped and others haven't. Its just the process of finding one that helps you that discourages me. I'll start looking into it though, it's pretty much the only other option I have!
I couldn't agree more, it is very unhealthy to rely on a relationship to be happy. I don't aspire to be that person nor do I think I am, but these extreme lows that I get in do correlate to that.

Thanks again for your replies! Having some insight within the community on my issue has given me more clarity!

Ps. Hank Hill would be very funny! Actually got it from Hank Moody from Californtication. It was either that or Fox Mulder, I love David Duchovny

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#46689
I'm a Daddy with two very long distance littles. I can chat with them but there's little hope of us meeting in person.

I can say this much. You shouldn't allow your only 'cure' to be helping someone else. ... That is, however, a great distraction from your feelings much in the way work is....For me I use video games. They keep my mind actively focused of something other than the reality I live in. Distracting your mind can help... setting small monthly, or even weekly goals help boost personal moral considerably. even something as simple as checking the mail, fixing that broken door hinge, hell even (god forbid) cleaning the house (some xD). a corner of a room at a time...

You can try lighting a candle just to watch the flame. Fragrances sooth the mind.

Best advice I can give is to keep positive. hard to do trust and believe me. I don't have a 1 size fits all solution for anxiety, depression or PTSD. But I only hope the things mention above help you. This also includes what MommaStrange and Elvie posted.

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