[BabyGroot]

So I’m not new to this all and stuff but I’m scared to tell my boyfriend I turn into a little state of mind because I’m afraid of being judged for how I am, I like onsiees and he seen that but I don’t think he understands the deeper meaning to me wearing them I also like pacys and teddys (he knows I have Teddy’s) and sometimes I enjoy nipping at a cute baby bottle while watching cartoons (he knows I love Disney movies) but how do I come out to him or tell him how I really am with my coping lifestyle of being a little? I never had an issue with telling someone because the only person who knew was my ex fiancé who was my “daddy” in the terms of care giver and it makes me really sad when I think he (my boyfriend of five months to be) May judge me if I tell him I age regress to that of a 6 year old, please maybe some advice how to cope with the fact I may not tell him this side of me please please!

[LittleLoliFur]

Hi! I'm sorry you're struggling with this, it's never fun. Personally, I would start out by starting a conversation about lifestyle interests, and try and turn it towards asking him his opinion of ddlg relationships. Even if you don't do anything physically intimate with this side of you, I would personally start off explaining the kink side, since more people are familiar with it, and then expanding on the nonsexual/lifestyle portion of it. Remember to gauge his reactions to everything, if he's not receptive then the conversation should probably wait for another time. If he seems to be accepting of it but not quite sure if he wants to participate, the be sure to let him know you just wanted to open up to him and that he doesn't have to do anything he isn't comfortable with. Unless, of course, you really want someone to be a caregiver for you. Then the conversation would definitely need to take a more serious turn.

[Motherly]

I suppose I have a little bit different advice than the other posted. So, I'll throw out just a few thoughts...

• [IN REGARDS TO THE OTHER RESPONSE] In my opinion, the possible physically intimate component or potential fetishism of age regression should never be brought up at all upon initial reveal unless the other person explicitly brings it up themselves. These things (kink/fetishism/BeDeeSeM and regression/littlespace) are not the same. Mixing in the idea of fetishism with it only makes the other person think, "Well, if it isn't physically intimate to you then why did you bring it up?! You must be getting to that eventually but you just don't want to say that yet... so, this is really just a weird sex thing! You just don't want to admit it."
  • I would suggest that you don't mention BeDeeSeM, adult interest, kink, or physically intimate situations at all upon "coming out" to anyone.
  • I would suggest you answer questions directly and honestly but briefly when it comes to sex. I would not provide details, suggest that a large part of the community engages in physically intimate kinks alongside regression, or go into heavy explanation in effort to justify why you are or are not sexually driven at times.
  • CGL partnerships, Age Regression, Littles, Middles, Caregivers, Adult Babies, and other identities that fall into our community are not inherently physically intimate or related to BeDeeSeM. [FACTS]
  • There is a physically intimate kink and/or physically intimate adult interest for roleplaying as a parent (commonly "Daddy" for "Daddy kink") or as a child or teenager. This is not the same as being a little, being a true caregiver, or engaging in a CGL relationship.[FACTS]
    • People participating in those acts are doing so for physically intimate intention and gratification. Those adult interests and kinks may be BeDeeSeM-related.[FACTS]
    • The CGL community is not inherently based on physically intimate experiences, desires, or fantasies.[FACTS]

• In my opinion, you don't need to specifically come out and apply a label to yourself if your partner already accepts your unspoken regression at times. Sometimes applying the label to these things makes it "complicated" for the other person. After all, having them naturally accept who you naturally are by loving you through those moments without needing to define them is likely much more fulfilling then them just saying, "Oh, you're little right now."
  • If you are naturally a little then your partner probably naturally displays some Caregiver traits since it would be logical those personality types would attract one another, even through unspoken acknowledgements. It may be best to make this assumption to some degree and just enjoy who you both are without applying more expectations to one another.
  • Sometimes just letting things evolve through gentle, unspoken revelations of who you are by exposure to your smaller parts of regression will result in more wholesome acceptance.

• In my opinion, coming out doesn't have to be a big event at all.
  • The more attention you have dedicated and focused on it, the larger it may seem to not only you but the person you're telling. The person you're telling may misunderstand and believe you want them to do something because you've made it into a very serious revelation instead of some casual conversation.
  • You can come out casually by bringing up the topic gently through lighthearted conversation--even minorly in passing or through fun conversation about things you like and why it ties to your personality!

• In my opinion, suggesting the other person become involved is likely to result in a negative or less-than-ideal reaction, whether that be immediate or over the course of time.
  • It should be kept in mind that Caregivers and littles are identified in these roles by personality traits. Suggesting your partner should take on a personality trait and be more aware of it to embellish it may feel too strenuous to them over time or feel too bold in the immediate reveal.
  • You can find enjoyment in your partner even unknowingly taking care of you while you feel little. Sometimes focusing on the smaller components of how your partner shows you care, love, and affection can be extremely fulfilling without needing to apply labels or pressure to "perform" as a role.

• I would strongly suggest that you change your personal language to say that being a little is an unusual, uncommon personality trait. It is a core part of who a person is as an individual.
  • Being a little is not a "coping" lifestyle, method, mechanism, or strategy. It is unhealthy and un-safe to mentally tie these things together. Regression is not a way to "cope".
    • "Coping" is not "resolving". Using "regression" to be able to "run away and hide" is not productive to your mental well-being.
    • We need to remember that just because something feels therapeutic does not mean it can take the place of actual therapy with a professional who can help you resolve or minimize negatively impactful issues like anxiety.
    • It isn't "wrong" to regress when you are feeling stressed out or unhappy, but it isn't healthy to rely on it as your sole way of self-expression because it is not productive to resolving your distressed mental state or underlying issue(s)/potential condition(s). You can't expect anyone to be able to help you feel better when you're just retreating to regression.
    • Read here for more

If you haven't already, please do check out our Resource Guide to help you out on some questions you may be having about possibly coming out to your partner. We do have a few sections on that very topic that you may find helpful.

[LittleLoliFur]

Very true! I hadn't thought about it from that point, I apologize. Unfortunately I always fail to see, at first, how people can take things the wrong way. I didn't mean to sound like I was sexualizing being a little, definitely not my intent. Thank you for pointing that out to me, I'll try to be more careful next time!

[GrampaJim]

hi thank you for sharing your fears its scary trying to be honest about something we might be judged for the longer you wait the harder it will be dont build it up I am sure you have a couple of the responses already taped and recorded in your mind replaying it over and over with different outcomes be nice to yourself and just start out with I have something i want to share with you but im scared you will think differently about me i like you alot i want to build a relationship with you but what i want to share with you is a pretty big thing in my life that i really enjoy and i would love it if you might think about it and join me in this other part of my life...
-OR-
Keep it a secret!!!