- 4 years ago
#53645
Living a 24/7 DD/Lg relationship lifestyle has recently brought to light that I may not have been as over and at peace with my childhood as I had originally thought I was.
I know that our community and female Littles have this stereotype of "Daddy Issues", and while my Dad was an absolute self absorbed sociopathic abusive monster, My issues are Rooted in not being sure if my Mom loved me when i was young. She rarely showed me and my brother any sign that she cared about our emotional well being. She was often distant & focused on corporal punishments, and making sure we behaved. Our rocky relationship only reached a fragile friendship in recent years since I became Independent.
I do understand that what she was going through at the time was very tough, she had us when she was too young and felt stuck in a pattern of abuse for years before she was able to leave. The PTSD and working 2 jobs while going to school occupied her time and emotional strength. I don't think she had the capacity to do any more than she felt obligated to when raising us. I understand this and I've forgiven her completely. But Its confusing for me because the emotional scars from a time period in my life where I didn't understand are still there.
Its left me with many fears and insecurities that I'm discovering might have always been there now that I've been exploring my little space more. I've had many more traumatic moments in my life and I was able to get past my PTSD from that, but this subtle childhood trauma has me feeling stumped and very vulnerable. How do I work on and mend something thats been around quietly for so long?
would appreciate advice if you guys have any
I know that our community and female Littles have this stereotype of "Daddy Issues", and while my Dad was an absolute self absorbed sociopathic abusive monster, My issues are Rooted in not being sure if my Mom loved me when i was young. She rarely showed me and my brother any sign that she cared about our emotional well being. She was often distant & focused on corporal punishments, and making sure we behaved. Our rocky relationship only reached a fragile friendship in recent years since I became Independent.
I do understand that what she was going through at the time was very tough, she had us when she was too young and felt stuck in a pattern of abuse for years before she was able to leave. The PTSD and working 2 jobs while going to school occupied her time and emotional strength. I don't think she had the capacity to do any more than she felt obligated to when raising us. I understand this and I've forgiven her completely. But Its confusing for me because the emotional scars from a time period in my life where I didn't understand are still there.
Its left me with many fears and insecurities that I'm discovering might have always been there now that I've been exploring my little space more. I've had many more traumatic moments in my life and I was able to get past my PTSD from that, but this subtle childhood trauma has me feeling stumped and very vulnerable. How do I work on and mend something thats been around quietly for so long?
would appreciate advice if you guys have any