[sweetlilpea]

Hi everyone,
I'm relatively new to the cgl community. I've regressed for years and always been a little at heart, but it wasn't until recently that I started seeking out a cg.
I met someone online and I got some bad vibes, but I don't want to give up entirely. The main warning signs to me were that they immediately wanted me to be a little of theirs without knowing much about me. They invited me to their home, constantly remind me of where they live, and often just copy/paste information about me when answering questions. For instance, if I say that I enjoy cuddles, movies, and coloring, they will answer the question of "what do you enjoy about being a caregiver" with "well, I would enjoy cuddles, watching movies, and coloring."
This individual has also referred to me as their little, even though I would not consider them my caregiver and barely know them. They are super eager to start a cgl-type of relationship and I don't want to be rude, but something about this feels strange.
Maybe I'm reading too far into all of this, but I feel like if I'm getting a bad vibe, it's something that's definitely there. Then again, it would be sorta magical to have a cg.
Thanks so much for any advice ya'll might have!

[Motherly]

Just because someone is a X and you're a Y it still doesn't mean you're compatible or that you can develop the desire to care for and about one another. It's pretty silly to expect two people be romantically compatible just because they have one shared interest. I think that it's likely more general incompatibility than "warning signs" that the person is just overall bad or potentially harmful. Perhaps it's honestly just a bad match up between you two, and, if so, there is absolutely no shame in recognizing that and moving on so that you both get the opportunity to pair up well with someone more compatible.

Ultimately, if you're not happy and this person isn't giving you joy then you have every right to feel like you should move on and spend your time getting to know someone who is meeting more of your initial needs of a potential partner. You should not have to be pressured to move forward with closer, in-person interactions until you are ready to move forward, but, just the same, the other person does have every right to feel like the person they seek also wants to quickly move forward and meet right away instead of distanced communication. There is nothing wrong with having preferences as long as you find a partner who shares those preferences or is willing to meet your preferences.

There are some unfortunate points that occur in the community, such as destructive desperation for some and the lack of relationship acknowledgement for some others, but I think that it's best to remember that, again, not every Caregiver will be magically and instantly compatible to every little. We are much, much, much more than just a Caregiver or just a little. We are deep beings and if your heart isn't singing for this person then it just isn't singing for this person and who they are beyond just their Caregiver identity. It is an unfortunate issue that many people take CGL partnerships very casually or "partner hop" from instant-relationship to instant-relationship without truly investing themselves into loving someone in particular.

You are very capable and under good right to ask to talk about these issues with this person and to see if you can address them more openly to get them resolved. Sometimes people honestly do not realize that they are being too generic and not investing enough for the other person to feel comfortable continuing to invest themselves. Sometimes people just communicate differently or have vastly different expectations than another person. It's okay to not fully align with every single person you meet right away, and it's okay to talk about these things so that the person has the opportunity to understand and potentially make effort to change and meet your pace, expectations, or just communication needs.

You may want to open this topic up with your potential partner and address the following, as you may be compatible once they become aware that they need to make more distanced efforts to be able to move forward with more personal meetings:

• Relationships are serious commitments, and you feel uncomfortable casually taking on the relationship connection without clear consent after getting to know the person quite deeply. You understand that they want to move at a faster pace in building a relationship than you, and that their pace is acceptable for themselves and those they are actually compatible with as a partner. You're simply looking for someone who wants to build up to a serious relationship and get to know one another quite well first before commitment versus just instantly apply the label and hope for compatibility.

• Dedication to communication is important to you, and you feel that you're seeking someone who thinks deeply about their responses instead of hoping to just learn more about one another after quickly committing and meeting face-to-face. You understand how valuable meeting face to face very early on can be for some people. You're simply looking for someone who wants to exchange deep levels of information about themselves before you move forward with them.

• Safety measures for online meeting are extremely important, and it's very reasonable to want to protect yourself. People who love you and care about you want you to protect yourself. So, it's okay to tell this person that you're looking for someone who is moving at a little bit of a slower pace until you feel you've met your personal safety criteria for exchanging very personal details and ultimately meeting people face-to-face.

Ultimately, it's really okay to not be compatible even though you're a little and they're identifying as a Caregiver. It's okay to make your concerns known to the other person and offer another chance, or to make your concerns known and let them know you will be pursuing other people instead. It's really okay to not pursue this person as a partner, and it's really okay to let them know that you had expectations of something different that you are looking for right now. You don't have to be rude, they don't have to be "the bad guy", and nobody has to be stuck in a relationship with someone who ultimately doesn't make them happy.