Break ups hurt.
As a Caregiver, I absolutely understand how it feels to not be needed any more. I am strongly under the belief that CGL partnerships are very much codependency where the little "needs" their Caregiver partner while the Caregiver equally "needs" to feel needed by their little partner. Though, each identity doesn't require these things outside of a CGL-based relationship and that's something that should be recognized. You do not need to be needed to have a good, fulfilling life, to be a Mommy-type, to be you, or to just simply be happy.
I'm sorry for the ache of this all, but it just means that this particular person was not the right person for you after all. Most people experience relationship failures and I think it's just something nobody can truly look forward to experiencing in their life. It's a part of life most of us have to learn to deal with though.
A break up is very much like a death. It's the death of a relationship. Sometimes it's the entire death of a connection to someone you knew well and shared a lot of yourself with frequently. Sometimes it feels like the death of that person, even. If you were heavily bonded to this person then, yes, it absolutely is going to hit you hard and that's okay.
Ultimately, you're going to grieve because that's what comes naturally to us. You have had a loss and it's okay to feel sad, to feel depressed. It's okay to not be happy to lose someone. It's okay to even feel lost right now.
So, what do you do?
You let yourself grieve. Initially, it's going to hurt a lot and maybe you will dwell on it a lot--a lot of your focus might be directed to the former relationship or your now-ex partner. Maybe your mind will just keep coming back to those memories you created together, and it might cause you to cry. And crying is okay too. Whatever emotion you experience is very normal.
You cannot let yourself stay stagnant in the mess of a heartache for too long though. You need to redirect your focus and begin allowing yourself to heal at some point so that you can be a better you and you can partner up with the right person. You need to learn from this experience so that you don't repeat it again if there was something that could've been done to help reduce this blow or leaf out the people who you were not actually compatible with like you had initially thought. If this was your first CGL-based relationship then you might have a lot to learn, and that's kind of exciting in itself since there may still be so much to discover. This isn't the end of the road.
A lot of people suggest that you now take time for yourself, to focus on yourself and make yourself a little better for the new connections that will inevitably come in your future.
Treat yourself a little bit and try not to focus on relationships at all. Spend a little extra time on yourself. Do something small that makes you happy. Treat yourself well. Learn to need yourself.
Some suggest picking up a new activity or rekindling your interest in a hobby you use to have previously. Perhaps consider to buy a new journal and pick up journaling or buy a model kit and fiddle around with some models. Buy a new book series and read through it or start writing your own novel. The point is to treat yourself to a new hobby, to something you can enjoy and learn about or from. Spend your extra time on yourself right now. Take a moment to just breathe and enjoy living this life.
So, don't be too hard on yourself for becoming upset about losing this person. Don't punish yourself for the loss. Let yourself feel that sadness. Remind yourself that this is what is best for you because it has been an experience that you can learn from and grow from so that you can become a better you in time. In time. Not immediately.
Remind yourself that it's okay for this to hurt right now. Remind yourself that you are good, you are valuable, and you are enough for the right person that you will eventually find.
Let these emotions come and wash over you. And let those feelings go when they pass. Don't grasp at trying to remind yourself of this and that about the relationship. When you begin to forget then let yourself forget. When you find yourself smiling over something else then enjoy that happiness and don't intentionally redirect your focus to your heartache.
You'll make it through it!
