Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
Note: Personal ads are NOT permitted in this section.
Forum rules: This section of the site is for open, group conversation and public discussion topics within the community.
► Read more...
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
  • User avatar
#52184
I have been in a relationship for almost close to an year.. its been a rough / rocky relationship with alot of misunderstandings and arguements and break ups and etc etc.. I met him on ddlg discord server..I thought of myself as being little or at least is what i thought i was.. but the more i started dating him i didnt call him daddy unless sexual times nor did i really listen and he kept saying i am not a little and how i dont listen or obey him ... well i was tired of hearing that snailpoop and decided to tell him i am not a little nor am I into ddlg and now he constantly keeps talking about how I am not a little.. and how i am just close to a little... and it bothers me he thinks that.. i havent went to little space in awhile i am shy to call him daddy nor can i see him as a daddy cause of our arguements .. and unable to make up from those arguements. I tried asking him what does he want from a little and he said why so that u act like one and then never change ?idk what to do please help me.

Link:
Hide post links
Show post links
#52185
I'm terribly sorry to hear about your relationship troubles right now. I'm sure that you will get this sorted out in no time with a little extra effort and personal discovery. I would like to address some concerns I have with your post in the definition you or your partner may hold about what being a little is about.

Being a little is not about the endearing name you may choose to call your partner. A little does not need to call their partner a specific endearing name to experience regression. If a little chooses to refer to their partner in typical relationship terms or by their biological name then it does not invalidate the little's naturally regressive personality.

Being a little has nothing to do with "obeying" or "listening" to someone else. Even biological children are not always obedient, angelic, passive, or generally what we think of as submissive in personality. There are plenty of bratty, spoiled children. There are plenty of defiant children. There are plenty of children who are what we would call "bossy" that are absolutely catered to by their parents, who may enforce very few or no rules. There are also plenty of independent children who simply do not need as much care as some of their peers may. There is no rule that says a little must "submit" to their Caregiver partner.

Being a little is not necessarily you being "submissive" nor "dominant". While this may be something paired up when it comes to BDSM and CGL combination partnerships (plenty of people in our community are also members of the BDSM community) it is not necessary to incorporate such additional roles to the dynamic for a person to be considered regressive, regressed, or a regressor.
Perhaps some of the mix-up between you two is that he is thinking of DDLG as strictly a Dom/sub partnership where is it mandatory that he is called "Daddy" at all times and while you are childlike he may believe it's also mandatory that you be very submissive.
That isn't necessarily what being a little or being in a CGL-based relationship is about though. A CGL-based relationship is much more centered around a codependency between partners and a parental/child care-exchange, which may even feel very romantic to the partners when expressed.

You can absolutely be a little with a Daddy and not be involved in a BDSM-styled relationship. A parent is not necessarily "dominant" over a child simply because they take care of the child, teach the child, watch out for the safety of the child, prepare meals for the child, encourage the child's growth and development, or even enforce rules for the well-being of the child. A parent may very well be a figure or authority or leadership for a child, but they, most certainly, do not dominate their children. Of course, I'm not saying that your regression magically makes you literally become a child or that your Caregiver literally becomes your parent, but I am saying that the core base of our community relationship dynamics function under the idea of a special, deep care-exchange based connection that is similar to that of such a family bond (thus our reasoning for frequently using family-relationship titles).

Also, just to address it if it's a concern, I'm in no way saying that someone who is a part of the BDSM community as well as a part of the CGL community is doing badly or engaging in some wrong version of either relationship dynamic. I'm simply saying that being within one community does not automatically mean being within the other.

It could be that he is saying you are "close" to being a little because he can recognize your regression, but he does not understand why you are not engaging in the BDSM portion of what he is seeking out of a relationship. CGL is not necessarily a part of BDSM though. You can be a little and not be submissive and/or not be involved in or interested in acting out BDSM dynamics or scenes. Being a little is about being childlike and experiencing some level of regression (even if infrequently, in short bursts, or only at times where you personally feel your comfort levels peak).

Being a little is a personality trait. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what makes you, as an individual person, a little aside from having regressive traits. What "regressive traits" means to you may be very different because regression age can vary so drastically from person to person. It is wrong to define being a little as being submissive because it is not genuine to the idea of regression (which, truly, has nothing to do with dominance nor submission, but, rather, being similar to that of a child).

Perhaps your partner also needs some education on CGL partnerships and individual personality types. It sounds like a lot of communication and exploration together is absolutely necessary. It sounds like maybe you will need to discuss your individual personality types as well as the relationship dynamics(s) you individually and together want to maintain and live out more fully. I heavily encourage you to read through our resources and share them with your partner to help open up a dialogue of where you fit in with things and where he may fit in differently:

http://www.littlespaceonline.com/viewforum.php?f=88

A good place to start, specifically, is about our baseline CGL facts:
http://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/beliefs
★ CGL partnerships, Age Regression, Littles, Middles, Caregivers, Adult Babies, and other identities that fall into our community are not inherently sexual or related to BDSM.
☆ CGL community members may individually also perform acts of or experience BDSM in it's various forms.
☆ A member of the CGL community can also be a member of the BDSM community. A member of the CGL community is not always a member of the BDSM community.

★ There is a sexual kink and/or sexual adult interest for roleplaying as a parent (commonly "Daddy" for "Daddy kink") or as a child or teenager. This is not the same as being a little, being a true caregiver, or engaging in a CGL relationship.
☆ People participating in those acts are doing so for sexual intention and gratification. Those adult interests and kinks may be BDSM-related.
☆ The CGL community is not inherently based on sexual experiences, desires, or fantasies.

★ Littles are not always or necessarily submissive persons. Just like a biological child, the little personality trait does not mean a person must be shy, meek, or generally submissive at any particular time.

★ Caregivers are not always or necessarily dominant persons. Caregivers help to provide care for their partner based on their partner's needs, and this means being a caring or overly-caring person by personality.

★ Caregivers are parentlike (just like littles are childlike).
☆ Caregivers naturally take on a parentlike role, authority and structure, in relationships.

As well as our page on identifying if you are a little:
http://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/page/discovery

And our page on identifying if you are (or your partner is) a Caregiver-type of personality:
http://www.littlespaceonline.com/app.php/personality

When it comes to the BDSM portion of your conversations and explorations then I encourage you to seek information from reliable BDSM resources about those relationship dynamics. Please do make sure that the resources you take from are proven to provide accurate information and do not simply supply "easy" information. You will find that most of our resources here do not necessarily center around CGL+BDSM relationships and are more focused on only CGL-based relationships.

Link:
Hide post links
Show post links
#52186
Okay, whether or not HE thinks you're a little doesn't matter. Whatever YOU think you are, that's what you are. That's the truth, regardless of what he says about you.

That said, if YOU truly aren't sure whether you're a little, or even if you know you are but have a hard time getting to littlespace, could be all of the arguments you mentioned.

I know I find it hard to get into littlespace when I'm under a lot of stress, and I can only imagine how much stress those arguments are causing you. If you can get to a state where you're relaxed and calm, littlespace is much easier to reach.

There's a chance that all of this talk of whether or not you're a little is the very thing that's stopping you from feeling or acting like one.

Link:
Hide post links
Show post links
#52187
Honestly... i kinda stopped ever since he constantly said i am not a little blah blah blah like that just made me not wwant to be a little or act like one or it kinda put some kind of affect on me.. and my mentality and unable to call him a daddy and the arguements and constant him not trusting me , misunderstanding stressed me out so much.. i truly dont know how to get into little space to be hoesnt i feel like even if I went into little space he wouldnt be able to tell since he is new to ddlg and he thinks ddlg is different than what it actually is....

Link:
Hide post links
Show post links

As a daddy, i miss having a "little" to […]

Have you heard of a clothing company Hanna Anderso[…]

Webkinz Fun!

I just recently started a new webkinz account! I m[…]

I think because of my little age being around 1 1/[…]