Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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#51295
This is sort-of a follow up question from: Do you think age regression is inherently connected to BDSM?

The core of BDSM is deeply rooted in being a sexual practice and sexual kink. There is definitely sexual motivation in BDSM as well even if it is not immediate gratification. It's a world where sexual "scenes" start and end, ultimately existing for the sexual gratification of all persons involved in the "scene". Rarely does the BDSM correlation between two people occur constantly--again, happening more through temporary "scenes"--and commonly it is connected to adult relations.
Sometimes, people feel strongly that relationships involving age regression is a form of BDSM or inherently connected to BDSM at it's roots. They often believe it's a powerplay dynamic, where one person is "dominant" and one person is "submissive" when paired together.

For those who believe regression in our community is inherently connected to BDSM, how do you explain partnerships involving nonsexual regression making sense to that correlation? Do you believe nonsexual CGL dynamics do not or cannot actually exist as functional? Do you believe there will be sexual situations, frustration, or motivation in CGL partnership? How else do you explain nonsexual Caregiver/little existing while connected to something with a strong sexual basis?
Do you feel there is a difference in consistent, regressive personalities and caregivers versus what we've come to know as CGL?
If regression itself is not sexual then why is it then made into something sexual when the regressor partners with a person wanting to take care of them when regressed?
What if a relationship where one partner regresses never exists in terms of "scenes" and is ongoing, never-ending in terms of the partnership of personalities and interests, and never sexual or erotic? Must both parties take on a "dominant" or "submissive" quality while paired up and engaging in their relationship actively (keep in mind that BDSM always is; someone is always acting as the "Dominant" and someone is always acting as the "submissive" when actively engaging together) or is this just a misconception of the atypical relationship dynamic?

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#51297
Hey, I am just quickly replying to this question to make a few brief points, as I have no time at the moment to fully answer the question.

1. BDSM is not inherently connected with adult relations, it’s roots are with power play, role play, dominance and submission, masochism and sadism, all of which can be sexual or non sexual. I know many people who participate in bdsm and consider themselves asexual. Two of (in my opinion) the best bdsm educators on YouTube both participate in bdsm and restraints non sexualy. Evie Lupine and Brittany Simon. They have made a few videos of asexually and bdsm too..

2. In both CGL and BDSM there are “scenes” that start and finish, as well as a 24/7 aspect to the relationship and dynamic.

Also, dominant and submissive can simply mean that one person is in more power than the other, which is certainly the case with CGL as the caregiver has power and responsibility over the little.

Of course, it’s up to each CGL individual to decide how strongly they want to relate to bdsm (if at all), but to say it’s not related at all, would be disregarding a large part of the community.

Best Wishes <3
Lena

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#51307
LittleLena wrote:
3 months ago
All I was saying was that bdsm can be both non sexual and sexual :)
LittleLena I would strongly, strongly encourage you to re-evaluate your understanding of BDSM, as it is clear to me that you do not have a solid grasp on the concept and taking the idea of flexibility to extremes in your logic.

BDSM does have sexual roots

Having a relationship where one partner takes control of one part of a situation is not true BDSM. It isn't. It is just a relationship dynamic that works for that coupling. That's just the structure of that relationship. I'm sorry that you've been fed incorrect information.

Just because a person in a relationship is more confident, more guiding or leading, or even more demanding does not make the relationship BDSM related.

Just like just because someone is a dominant person by personality it doesn't mean they are a Dom.

Just because the other partner is more passive and goes along with the demands, requests, guidance, leadership, or advice of their partner does not mean it has anything to do with BDSM.

Just like just because someone is a submissive person by personality it doesn't mean they are a sub.

There COULD be underlying sexual payoff for taking on either of these roles in a relationship where intimacy does happen, regardless of if any partners involved are entirely aware of that. Psychologically, our sexual actions can be motivated by many things. Back in the 1950s men were seen as strong, reliable, confident, and providing. Behind closed doors in the bedroom, the women were to continue to "submit" to the sexual gratification needs of their husband. In exchange for submitting, they would receive financial support from the husband and could bear children to raise--being viewed by society as being a good housewife and mother. The man received incentive to maintain "dominance" in the bedroom then since his wife could bear his offspring in exchange for social acceptance. He also may have had "freedom" to perform acts with or on his wife that even she was not pleased to do but was willing to do anyway since the payoff was high for her. There is a deep psychology because everything we do like that is what I'm saying. These married couples were not performing acts of BDSM. They were just performing as typical, socially accepted married couples in that era. That was all. That was social standard.
So, just because they don't think it's sexual doesn't necessarily mean it is not sexually motivated.

I once had a friend years ago who was very "vanilla". We had a conversation about BDSM and, specifically, D/s relationships compared to that of traditional "vanilla" relationships. He shared his experiences with me and basically said that he felt strongly that in all relationships "one partner is given more authority or more ability to lead the relationship." He didn't mean that there is always a dom and sub in every relationship, but he meant that humans naturally have a hierarchy to social groups and pairings, and that one person will take the reigns and be the one that presents ideas or makes final, difficult choices when it comes down to someone needing to do that. Someone will always "rise up" and take the lead if no leader exists. That's proven in many psychological studies, even. We are basically pack animals and ranking, hierarchy, is important to our mental states.

My vanilla friend is right though. Psychological findings suggest that humans are pack animals very similar to that of dogs. We like having leaders. We like having authority figures. We like knowing our place. We like this so much it exists in almost every part of our lives. Relationships included. Sometimes one person is the leader while the other person trusts their partner's lead and follows.

Please take for example a workplace structure.

There is, let's say, a manager. The manager's duty is to manage the situation, to take control of the atmosphere and work ethics, and to ensure the employees stay on task and productive. He is viewed as the leader over the group of employees. He issues rules, enforces rules, and checks up to make sure that all are complying with standards. He is the one people report to, and the one that issues things like warnings and terminations.

The workers that are placed under the authority of the manager are generally viewed as inferior to his superiority in that structure. They follow his orders. They adhere to his rules. They come to him to ask for help, more time, or structural changes while he still makes the determination of that is truly necessary. They perform the tasks he assigns them.

This is not BDSM. There are no sexual undertones to it. No eroticism. No sexual motivation. It's just human social structure.

How about a police officer. They hold high authority and enforce societal laws. You must generally obey the demands of a police officer, such as pulling over your car even when you don't know why the police officer is flashing his lights and siren behind you. He comes to scold you at your window for doing something against the law. Against the "rules". He issues you a ticket as punishment, making you pay a fine. Obviously, he is acting in a much more dominant position than the driver, the citizen who must legally submit to these enforcements by him. But...is that BDSM? Absolutely not! There are no sexual undertones to it. No eroticism. No sexual motivation.

Inherently, these are not a BDSM relationship but it is a power-dynamic. There is not "Domination" going on though, and there are not "submissives". There is no sexual tension. There is no sexual motivation. Not BDSM. That's just social structure.

Your "friends" who claim to be in D/s relationships without ANY BDSM whatsoever, supposedly, are not in a "true" D/s relationship then. They just have a different (potentially not actually different) structure for their relationship if the roles are not sexually driven. They are using incorrect terminology. Perhaps there is just not better wording or it and they've taken up the BDSM labeling or perhaps they just don't know better and identify their relationship as atypically structured when it might actually be quite normal.

Also, humans like to know their "place." Because of this reason we take on labels and join groups for that sense of belonging, acceptance, and social validation. It is VERY possible that your friends are finding a comfortable area in the BDSM community and want to belong, regardless of actually being a part of that group, so are tying themselves to it through very small, meaningless actions and justifying it with broad labeling and flexibility the BDSM labeling allows. In short, perhaps they are a pretty normal couple who just does a few small things atypically but it doesn't actually mean they belong into any other grouping than that of a happy, functioning couple. Psychologically they wouldn't even recognize then because our drive to "know where we belong" and get validation of that is pretty intense.

It's also like people who practice erotic tantra saying it isn't sexual because they don't actually have physical adult relations. Uh. It is erotic. There is a sexual gratification received. That is sexual, regardless of action. It is driven by sexual motivation. A body part doesn't have to go inside of another body for it to be erotic. Arousal is arousal. Sexual motivation is still sexual. Eroticism is for sexual purpose. adult relations doesn't have to be traditional piv (body part going inside body part)

If there is no sexual motivation then it isn't BDSM.

I have a cousin who is a very dominant by personality woman. She married a man who is naturally pretty meek and quiet. He obviously caters to her (nonsexual at least) desires and pretty much waits on her hand and foot. Our family teases them about it but she says hey it just works, they are both happy with her taking leadership position in the relationship and he is happy making her happy. That itself is not BDSM. Now, I don't know what happens behind closed doors but I know her pretty well because we grew up being really close. My guess is she isn't very "twisty" in the bedroom and wouldn't want to be in something considered BDSM. So, really, their relationship just has a different type of structure than most other couples seem to have--where the woman in this case is the "leader" and is a bit overly so. Perhaps she is just a selfish person and he is more happily giving and it just works. If it works it works. But that's still not BDSM, no matter how greedy she is and how providing to her he is.

I did a search on Google for the idea of "is BDSM sexual?" Do you know what came up? A resounding YES. Yes, BDSM is sexual at core, at base level just like this post says.

Now, sure, I could type into Google, "nonsexual BDSM," and find results. I'm sure something will come up too. Probably fewer pages but sure. But, do you know why? Because, well, it's the internet. I can post that on the internet myself and in a few days Google will pick it up and put it on search results pages. Does that make it true and factual?

There have been many "cults" that have existed now who claimed insane things like an alien mothership was going to come and whisk away the congregation on a specific night. People literally killed themselves so they could be whisked away to this other planet they basically assumed was Heaven. Just because one dude thought that up at the time and made such claims in a way that people believed him, regardless of it having any actual hard evidence or backing. Anybody, anywhere can say anything. Anything. And somebody, somewhere will believe them just because it was said.

See, you can cater to almost any information you want to read and believe it as true. There will be people who agree with even the dumbest, most nonsense ideas online because they saw it online.

It's like the old saying, "I saw it on tv so it must be true!" They said that for a reason, you know? It's a joke now for a reason. Back when tv came out A LOT of people believed that to be true. They did not understand first that commercials pay to say the things they want to say. There are actors, actively acting. Getting paid to say whatever it is that the director wants them to say. They are not real consumers giving feedback, even if they are one or two people saying something doesn't mean majority find it to be accurate. Anyway.

Please consider where you are getting your information. These people you are "learning" from have no special authority, no special psychological studying, no special education outside of their own little bubble just like you. They are not all-knowing. A lot of the things they say are said to be the least offensive and the easiest to cater to the masses and encompass all versus actually educate structure, definition, and formation of a group or subgroup.

A lot of your posts have had flat out incorrect information. Citing a Youtuber as your source is not a reliable resource. Citing a free website that was made up from a very small, close-minded group of people who cater to political correctness in extremes is not citing an unbiased resource that has studies backing it.

Youtubers get paid to have their videos viewed. What does that mean?

That means they want the most views to gain the most money. They aren't paid if their videos don't get viewed. That also goes for people who have yet to earn their monetizing capability because you have to earn so many views and so many subscribers before Youtube will allow ads to run on the videos.

So, that ultimately means that it is rewarding and most beneficial to say the most "everyone encompassing" things, even if untrue, to cater to majority versus minority. People who are positive and upbeat will always be viewed as more enjoyable to watch and interact with than people who sit and recite fact and definition with little personality. Just because a Youtuber says it, doesn't make it true. It doesn't it fact or definition. They are being motivated to say some things so that they are least offensive, most agreeable. Just let that sink into your head. They aren't making Youtube videos for free.

So, okay, Youtube is not actually a reliable resource. "...but I saw it on Youtube! It must be true." is the same as saying, "...but it was on the TV, it must be true!" Haha, right?

Websites put up ads on their sites and the more page views they get the more money they make. Again, revert back to motivation by money when publishing things online. It's in the site's best interest to make things easy to swallow and most acceptable, most accepting if they want to draw in the big money.

The news stations, online and on tv? They broadcast and post the most craziest new stories as they can because it attracts the attention of a high percentage of the population. It's why people say the news is always focusing on bad things. They want to grab and hold your attention because the longer you watch the tv station the more they can sell you on ads and get paid by investors. The more they can get you to click on more and more news articles online the more they can get that page view money from the ads they show. There is incentive to focus on the bad outlandish things and that's why those are news articles more often than positive happy things. Humans like to find and fight the "bad guys" and so they play and prey on that psychology.

So...let's define BDSM based on a few actual resources?

But...wait...reliable resources have scientific evidence or multiple psychological social studies for their strong backing, right? For BDSM, you're looking for psychological social studies based from large populations, and many of them to gain a wide locational range (even if it's just across the country). So, you need, at minimum, a few thousand people per study plus multiple studies to have fact.

There are, unfortunately, very few actual studies completed on BDSM to such a standard, but do you know that everything professionally reviewed (see that? not just a group of friends handing out survey sheets) has been with sexual-basis? Hmm... yeah...

So okay. Let's do a quick internet search and see what we can grasp at and nitpick through to cater to what we want to hear, okay? Okay!

Wikipedia, while not most reliable, is generally pretty correct, right? Can we agree on that much? Okay. Let's just take the first few, brief lines:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

""BDSM" is an umbrella term for certain kinds of erotic behavior between consenting adults. "

Erotic has come up, right? That's interesting. Let's define what "erotic" means because it sounds like maybe that is very important to the definition.

The dictionary says

erotic: relating to or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement.
synonyms: sexy, sexually arousing, sexually stimulating, titillating, suggestive;

Arouse sexual desire. Sexual. adult relations. Huh. So, the term erotic basically means sexual. Hmm.

Well, we don't have to believe Wikipedia! Again, there is no hard evidence with it anyway. You can't even cite them in university papers so it's trash garbage anyway if you get down to definite reliability, accuracy, and truth. Let's go elsewhere in our search results. Oh, look, BDSMwiki! It MUST be authoritative, right?! I mean they spend money on the domain? Well, unless that was free. But hosting, right? They pay something for hosting. Even if it's $2.00/month? Uh... right...

BDSMWiki.info says:

"BDSM is a variety of erotic practices that in short, involve power exchange, role-playing, restraints, and other interpersonal dynamics."

Well, dang, that silly "erotic" word has come up yet AGAIN. Huh. Well, obviously this must not be correct either. Just another junky nonsense site nobody could really rely on as being able to cite in psychology. Let's go to another search result!

Here's something! The third result. "RationalWiki". Right, yes, rational! Duh, that's what we've needed all along...

https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/BDSM
BDSM

"It is the giving and receiving of sexual pleasure through the above practices (which can be exceptionally varied and beyond the scope of this article) [above practices: restraints and Discipline (B&D)
Dominance and submission (D&S)
Sadism and Masochism (S&M)], engaged in voluntarily and with predetermined limits and safety rules set and agreed to in advance by all participants (this is sometimes referred to as "safe, sane, and consensual": SSC for short. "

...sexual pleasure...okay, this site must not be right either! Junk! Who cares that it's the top search results of Google either. Okay, we'll just keep moving on!

Oh, yes! There we go! Psychology Today! This HAS to know more about BDSM then.

Oh, but that article only talks about adult relations. Hmm, let's just do a generic search for BDSM on their site, okay? I mean, surely they'll uncover that it doesn't HAVE to be sexual at all! Duh... okay...

So. Everything we've found all talk about adult relations using the terms sexual practices, sexual experiences, sexual compensations, sexual experimentation, sexual behavior, adult relations research. Let's just take this clip where they're actually making a citation about an actual survey (albeit very small and hardly enough to be recognized as valuable without follow-ups on larger populations) completed:

"...the Australian survey mentioned earlier found that people who participated in BDSM had experienced a wider range of sexual practices, and had a greater number of lifetime sexual partners compared to non-participants. In fact, BDSM participants were significantly more likely to claim to have had 50 or more adult relations partners in their lives, and to have participated in group adult relations. This would indicate that people into BDSM tend to be very open to sexual experimentation generally (or perhaps that they are prone to wild exaggeration!)."

(That survey, FYI, is extremely small in itself so take that as you will anyway.)

That's weird. They didn't meant anything about NONSEXUAL BDSM. Huh.

Moving on then! How about "The Science of BDSM" that claims to have multiple journal articles published? Okay...

http://www.scienceofbdsm.com/publications

Just look at that page. "adult relations" is definitely a keyword just glancing at that. But, ah, 5 publications is nothing in the whole scheme of psychology. Why is everything they have about BDSM referencing sexual practice... ?

So, another site... hmm... Second Life is a game but, hey, look at that!

"restraints & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sadism & Masochism (BDSM) in the context of Second Life means restraint of an avatar by some means, generally in the context of sexual roleplay."

There. GENERALLY in the context of sexual roleplay. Not ALWAYS! Ah-hah, Second Life has got it! A game. Uh...

So.

Remember: to become a Youtuber it costs NO money. To run a website, it costs as little as $2.50 a month or less on cheap hosting (after being given a FREE domain name coupled with that hosting package).
It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that you remember that at all times. Because what you take in needs to be from a VARIETY of resources so that YOU can piece together what is true and real. YOU have to be the scientific researcher here. YOU have to do the "studies." Even further, YOU have to use logic and what is hard, actually studied, factual evidence and move forward slowly with pieces these puzzle pieces together.

Look.

Free domain. First month is $0.01 and then $2.50 a month after that:

https://www.interserver.net/webhosting/

For under $3 a month I can host ANYTHING I want to (you know it isn't outright illegal haha but even then it has to be pretty bad to get taken down permanently) and say whatever I want and claim it as fact.

For every "source" you can cite that says it doesn't have to be sexual I can easily Google up and cite 10 more random websites, some pretty sketchy or that have NOTHING to do with BDSM, that says otherwise.

Ever read 1984? 2+2=5 even though it doesn't make any logical sense at all but they are taught that it's the answer and pressured to confirm even when they count it out on their fingers and it makes no sense? You can say anything you want and someone out there will be convinced it must be true just because they saw it once and it sounded probably right.

So, what do you do?

Read actual studies that have been published in the psychological world. Review them and consider their population sizes in determining true validity of their "findings". Gather as many hard facts that have been studied and deemed accurate and slowly piece this stuff together as best as you can.

Review a very wide selection of what exists online and through interpersonal relationships. "Common" is probably--probably, but not always--accurate. Commonly, BDSM is sexual at core. That's "common knowledge" even. But, again, like the 1984 novel, just because people recite 2+2=5 doesn't necessarily make it true. So, you still have to question peoples' motives for saying or believing some of the things they claim, and try to find some scientific evidence to back up these claims.

I'm not saying that all people posting online or making Youtube videos are just trying to make money but I am saying that you have to think of the logic and if the person making the videos is probably motivated to make that money, how much they are probably making, and how much they are investing in what they're doing (and why they are investing that money... is it to ultimately get a higher payoff). It's so much to think of really and sometimes... many times... you will never really know.

Hierarchy and structure existing does not mean there is BDSM existing. If there is not a sexual message attached to the hierarchy then it definitely is not BDSM. Otherwise the D/s in BDSM would just mean "structure" or just mean "hierarchy". That isn't true. It tags along with adult relations.

Please stop spreading misinformation so much like you are doing. Please think for yourself. Please. Please. Please!

Power exchanges do not have to be sexual. Take workplace example.
Power exchanges do not have to be BDSM.
D/s IS a power exchange dynamic but IS ALSO a part of the BDSM power exchange option. Which means that THIS type of power exchange (D/s) IS inherently sexual.

There is a massive, massive difference in talking about "power exchange" (nonsexual or sexual) in society versus "D/s" in society (sexual and directly BDSM).

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#51308
I feel as if my reply won’t matter much, however I believe that from an Asexual submissive, BDSM is rooted in sexual practices. But, I also believe that BDSM is an umbrella term and has grown to encompass multitudes of themes and lifestyles, many sexual, some not. For me, my submission isn’t sexual at all, I’m not after the sexual gratification that BDSM brings me, I strive for the emotional gratification that is given to me by my caregiver or dom. I practice BDSM non sexually (No relations involved) but still uphold the power exchange aspect. I give my submission, but not because I find it erotic or arousing, I find it calming and as a release from anxiety and what I deal with daily. I think many people feel the same, but the majority of people still participate and feel the sexual gratification and freedom it can grant people. Power exchanges can take place with and without adult relations, but the concept is the same and is encompassed within the BDSM umbrella term.

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#51310
Thrashcan wrote:
3 months ago
I feel as if my reply won’t matter much, however I believe that from an Asexual submissive, BDSM is rooted in sexual practices. But, I also believe that BDSM is an umbrella term and has grown to encompass multitudes of themes and lifestyles, many sexual, some not. For me, my submission isn’t sexual at all, I’m not after the sexual gratification that BDSM brings me, I strive for the emotional gratification that is given to me by my caregiver or dom. I practice BDSM non sensually (No relations involved) but still uphold the power exchange aspect. I give my submission, but not because I find it erotic or arousing, I find it calming and as a release from anxiety and what I deal with daily. I think many people feel the same, but the majority of people still participate and feel the sexual gratification and freedom it can grant people. Power exchanges can take place with and without adult relations, but the concept is the same and is encompassed within the BDSM umbrella term.
If your power exchange is not sexual then it is not BDSM.

(Again though it COULD be sexual if you do engage in any sexual activity at any point because subconciously you could be correlating the behaviors but that is so aside from the base point here)

BDSM is an umbrella term, yes, but that umbrella is also SEXUAL. Even umbrella terms MEAN SOMETHING. BDSM MEANS it relates to sexual something.

Stop saying you are practicing nonsexual BDSM. That is impossible. You are practicing a power exchange dynamic as a part of your relationship. If it is nonsexual then it does not fall under the BDSM umbrella, I'm sorry.

Just because something is perceived to be out of the ordinary or different in a relationship does not mean it has anything to do with BDSM. Is it driven by sexual intention, gratification or motive? BDSM. THAT is what makes the difference here. Sexual motivation, intention, motivation. Sexual.



This is getting so out of hand. It's like going around saying you're part of LGBTQ community because you like cats.

And then when somebody says, "Cool, but how does that relate to your sexuality?"

You answer, "Well, I heard lesbians like cats too!"

They say, "Oh, so you're a lesbian?"

You say, "No! I just like cats! I'm totally straight. LGBTQ is an umbrella term. It's blanket covers ALL people and ALL identities!"

Then they reply, "So...it's, like, uh...uh...well, you know...but...with...cats? How does that work out?"

And you're all shocked, "Oh my god, no! Not like THAT! Pervert!"

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#51311
MommaStrange wrote:
3 months ago
Stop saying you are practicing nonsexual BDSM. That is impossible. You are practicing a power exchange dynamic as a part of your relationship. If it is nonsexual then it does not fall under the BDSM umbrella, I'm sorry.

Just because something is perceived to be out of the ordinary or different in a relationship does not mean it has anything to do with BDSM. Is it driven by sexual intention, gratification or motive? BDSM. THAT is what makes the difference here. Sexual motivation, intention, motivation. Sexual.



This is getting so out of hand. It's like going around saying you're part of LGBTQ community because you like cats.

And then when somebody says, "Cool, but how does that relate to your sexuality?"

You answer, "Well, I heard lesbians like cats too!"

They say, "Oh, so you're a lesbian?"

You say, "No! I just like cats! I'm totally straight. LGBTQ is an umbrella term. It's blanket covers ALL people and ALL identities!"

Then they reply, "So...it's, like, uh...uh...well, you know...but...with...cats? How does that work out?"

And you're all shocked, "Oh my god, no! Not like THAT! Pervert!"
Woah buddy, no need to get your knickers in a twist over what someone said on a forum considering I wasn’t even replying to YOU. I was replying to the prompt I posted on.
So anyways, CGL has alot of fluidity and personal spins that every person feels and performs differently. To me, CGL, clean or what have you, can fit under that umbrella even if it is nonsexual play. While BDSM is rooted in sexual themes, there are many instances where it’s left out, ie: clubs, demos, pro doms/subs. I think many people that participate in BDSM do it because it gives a sense of being cared for, feelings of elation or even transcendence during a scene or time where they’re participating. Not all BDSM includes adult relations, or even secual thoughts or feelings. Now while I can only speak for myself and my involvement with ageplay, petplay, restraints, and D/s dynamics, I can honestly say I’m not part of the community for the sexual gratification, I simply enjoy and crave the feeling I associate with being out into littlespace or subspace. To me, not everything has to be sexualized, people can enjoy and learn from BDSM and kink that are personal but not sexual. I feel CGL can be roped into the BDSM umbrella and community because BDSM is ever evolving, and it’s a type of roleplay that usually involves a power dynamic and a sort of headspace that isn’t achieved in a vanilla.
But again, I’m not here to argue so don’t bother quoting me just to keep it up.

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#51316
Thrashcan wrote:
3 months ago
MommaStrange wrote:
3 months ago
Stop saying you are practicing nonsexual BDSM. That is impossible. You are practicing a power exchange dynamic as a part of your relationship. If it is nonsexual then it does not fall under the BDSM umbrella, I'm sorry.

Just because something is perceived to be out of the ordinary or different in a relationship does not mean it has anything to do with BDSM. Is it driven by sexual intention, gratification or motive? BDSM. THAT is what makes the difference here. Sexual motivation, intention, motivation. Sexual.



This is getting so out of hand. It's like going around saying you're part of LGBTQ community because you like cats.

And then when somebody says, "Cool, but how does that relate to your sexuality?"

You answer, "Well, I heard lesbians like cats too!"

They say, "Oh, so you're a lesbian?"

You say, "No! I just like cats! I'm totally straight. LGBTQ is an umbrella term. It's blanket covers ALL people and ALL identities!"

Then they reply, "So...it's, like, uh...uh...well, you know...but...with...cats? How does that work out?"

And you're all shocked, "Oh my god, no! Not like THAT! Pervert!"
Woah buddy, no need to get your knickers in a twist over what someone said on a forum considering I wasn’t even replying to YOU. I was replying to the prompt I posted on.
So anyways, CGL has alot of fluidity and personal spins that every person feels and performs differently. To me, CGL, clean or what have you, can fit under that umbrella even if it is nonsexual play. While BDSM is rooted in sexual themes, there are many instances where it’s left out, ie: clubs, demos, pro doms/subs. I think many people that participate in BDSM do it because it gives a sense of being cared for, feelings of elation or even transcendence during a scene or time where they’re participating. Not all BDSM includes adult relations, or even secual thoughts or feelings. Now while I can only speak for myself and my involvement with ageplay, petplay, restraints, and D/s dynamics, I can honestly say I’m not part of the community for the sexual gratification, I simply enjoy and crave the feeling I associate with being out into littlespace or subspace. To me, not everything has to be sexualized, people can enjoy and learn from BDSM and kink that are personal but not sexual. I feel CGL can be roped into the BDSM umbrella and community because BDSM is ever evolving, and it’s a type of roleplay that usually involves a power dynamic and a sort of headspace that isn’t achieved in a vanilla.
But again, I’m not here to argue so don’t bother quoting me just to keep it up.


CGL is not inherently under the BDSM umbrella.

CGL is an umbrella of it's own that covers over:
  • Caregivers
  • Parental partners
  • Littles
  • Middles
  • Adult Babies
  • Other age regressors
  • A relationship dynamic between two (or more) adults that is very similar to that of a biological parent/child relationship at core, where one (or more) partner is regressive by personality and one (or more) partner is parental.

I must agree that the core values of BDSM is sexual deviation, sexual adult interest, and sexual kink. CGL is not sexual at it's roots or core, but I do understand the initial misconception since it sounds like some twisty preferences ("Daddy kink" comes to mind) that are sexually driven and do fall under BDSM. I also do understand that many people in the CGL community do also have adult interests, kinks, or deviations in sexual interest that fall under the BDSM umbrella so that also is a factor in getting these two community groups mixed up as being one in the same.

A person can be a member of both the BDSM and the CGL communities at the same time.
A person can be a member of the BDSM community and not a member of the CGL community.
A person can be a member of the CGL community but not the BDSM community.

That is the information and answer Littlespace Online promotes as accurate. Littlespace Online is a valuable authority and resource in this community.

You can view our beliefs and truths on this resource.

Aside from the truly important information above, a relationship that involves a power dynamic is not necessarily twisty, adult interest-related, or sexually driven. If the power dynamic is not powerplay (sexualization of the power dynamic; a power dynamic that is driven at it's core by sexual desire, gratification, fulfillment, motivation, or intention) then I would also agree that it is not actually BDSM at all. Though, even if one party of the power dynamic is receiving some sort of sexual gratification (regardless of engaging in sexual activity together) then it could be BDSM.

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