Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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#51222
Sorry 🙇‍♀️ I originally posted this in "Good News" because I didn't know no responses were allowed there.

So, I found a couple (Daddy/brat) who I'm meeting with tomorrow to see if I would be a good addition. She's going to be my Domme and we're both very excited. I can't tell if he's excited or not, yet. I'm very nervous, but also I can't wait to start playing with them. :craze:

Does anyone have any tips for meeting them? I've already asked a lot of questions (thanks to the FAQ!) over text. I'm just very new to this and not sure what we should talk about or how I can judge if we'd be a good fit—other than, of course, just how I'd judge any new friend. 🤔

Thanks for any advice 💖

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#51227
hihi!

Sounds very exciting! I hope it goes well!
I don’t know the full story, are these people you found online or at a real life munch or something? Meeting new people can be scary lol especially if you are going into it with the idea of a power exchange relationship. I also don’t know how much you have discussed with them about the type of relationship and interactions within the relationship. (Sexual/non sexual, casual/committed,etc)

But basically the only advice I can give you is just be yourself and get to know them. You can start with non CGL/BDSM things like just discussing general hobbies and stuff, and then get to know them in the power exchange sense. Again, I don’t know whether you are intending on participating in a bdsm scene with them or just a simple care giver/little set up. But either way, let them know what you will and won’t do, and what you do and don’t like. As well as listening to their needs too, and if you think that what both sides want fits well together, then you can slowly proceed into setting up a dynamic between the theee of you! Always be safe and if you don’t feel like you work with them, don’t be afraid to politely leave.
I hope it goes well and you make some great connections!

Best Wishes <3
Lena

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#51228
Lena,

Thanks for your reply! We met online at [that one BDSM community website], which I found out about through this site (or DateCGL, one of the two). We've already talked about what my and their interests are and they match up. It's just that I'm new to this whole scene because I didn't know there were others like me until like last week.

She is a little too, so the power dynamic will be him -> her -> me, which sounds great to me. But, I'm a little worried because I've never been in any poly relationship before. I've always liked the idea logically, but I have no experience with it. So, I just don't want to be the cause of any discord in their relationship, but I'm also really excited to "belong" to someone... like depend on them—not like a slave situation.

Anyway, since finding this site and some other online resources I've been in littlespace most of the time. The only time I really haven't been is at work. So, I'm excited to be my little self around others, but I'm so used to having to be my big self in life. So, when you say "just be yourself and get to know them," I'm not exactly sure how to be. 😥

Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited (as much for the non-sexual as the sexual) and everything seems to have fallen into place very well, but I don't want to blow it because I don't think there's very many CGL people in my area. I don't want to come across as needy or annoying, but as a little I'm kind of needy by definition.

Anyway, thanks for your advice and letting me rant 😅

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#51230
Hey, it sounds like you have lots of things sorted out, but you are just nervous/unsure how it will go because you havnt had this kind of experience before. I’m sure everything will go okay, what I meant by “be yourself” was just to follow you instincts and don’t try and pretend you are something you arnt. For example, often subs will try and make themselves look like the perfect sub that has no flaws whatsoever, just to please potential doms. You probably won’t find it too difficult if you express who you truly are, flaws and all, everyone is unique and has different personalities, quirks, flaws, etc.
As to being needy, like you said, most of the time that come with being a little haha.. and most caregivers are drawn to littles who are needy so they can little them.

Don’t overthink this too much and worry that you might stuff things up. If you be kind and respectful then they should like you, the rest depends on whether you guys can match together as a poly relationship.

Anyway, good luck to you! Have fun and be safe 😊

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By Deleted User 49385
#51234
I have met many people over the years. Even married one Of them! And very happy till this day. You need to make sure everyone is in the same frame of mind. Your not just a toy for them or maybe that is your goal i dont know. The main thing is you need to think about things. Ease into this don't run off with half the info so you end up hurt in some way. Stuff like this is a thing you need to take slow. Make sure its what you want and where you go is safe. If they truly care and are legit and want you in there group of what ever your into. They will respect you then and gain trust. I know a person that joined an ab family once and soon realized he didn't like what he got him self into. Just make sure your safe! I don't know you but if your nervous it kinda sounds like your worried what to expecting to happen. That to me seems like your moving faster then you should be,

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#51236
This is a scary line of thought.
don't think there's very many CGL people in my area. I don't want to come across as needy or annoying, but as a little I'm kind of needy by definition.
While distance is an acceptable criteria when considering a relationship with anybody, it should not limit your options in terms of deciding not to go through with proceedings.

The thought, “well I don’t feel comfortable with them but they are close and I’m a needy Little, so...” can lead to very unhappy feelings. For one, you wouldn’t naturally be giving them the positive feedback that comes from being in a relationship, and for other, it can make you unhappy, pressured about fulfilling expectations you don’t feel comfortable in fulfilling.

Also, we would like to point out that there are ways of expressing neediness and dependence that do not rely on physical presence. Taking our own example, having a regression age of mere months (0-8 months), we naturally have the need of having almost every aspect of our lives. However, we do our best to cope with our adult responsibilities while leveraging our needs with our long-distance relationship Mommy. We’ve been together for almost two years and the attention she gives throughout our days has helped keep our needy nature at bay.

Sorry for the mild sidetrack.

Anyway, we will reiterate a few sentiments expressed by Lena and LCB. We too feel that everything is going far too fast. If you barely discovered the community, if you are still learning a lot every day and finding your own stance, then we do not recommend you jump into a relationship, especially not one which you do not have familiarity in (poly).

If you do go through with them, then absolutely make sure that you understand their intentions and that you can have your intentions listened to. Always be on the same page. Do not let excitement lead you into a compromise, which later on when the infatuation ends you end up in an awkward situation.

Adding a little bit of exploration here. Littlespace is much more than partnering with a person/people. In fact, Littlespace is more about how a person identifies and has feelings of a person biological younger than them. The fact that there are people that identify as Caregivers and that complement that role is lovely, but Caregivers do not define what Littles are and Littles do not identify what Caregivers are.

It is definitely happy, encouraging, to have people supporting and validating your identity. But please, never forget that the validation you need should not completely depend on others. Otherwise, if you ever find yourself out of a relationship then you can end up doubting your own standing as a Little, which is detrimental.

It is important to value yourself as a person and respect the limits that you have, having them respected by others. Please be careful, in any and everything that you do.

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#51237
LCB wrote:
7 months ago
Ease into this don't run off with half the info so you end up hurt in some way. Stuff like this is a thing you need to take slow. ... That to me seems like your moving faster then you should be,
😖 You're probably right. I always move too fast into relationships. It's just nice to be desired, I guess and they live a CGL life, so it sounded like they'd take care of me, so I guess it got my hopes up 😔 So stupid... I know this is what I always used to do.. But, then I stopped doing that and have been alone for >3 years, now. I know I should be comfortable with myself and not need anyone else, but it's easier to rationalize than to feel

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#51238
You're right, but I want to address this specifically,
Azure&Vanilla wrote:
7 months ago
Also, we would like to point out that there are ways of expressing neediness and dependence that do not rely on physical presence.
For me, physical touch is very important and I didn't get that as a bio-child. I think that's probably why I started having adult relations so young. I love, love, love cuddles. They're one of the best things in the world. But, it often leads toward adult relations for me, especially if it's someone I've never cuddled before. What I mean is, once I get in a steady relationship and habit, then cuddles are often just cuddles, but in the beginning I usually am very sexually active and then that makes me overly infatuated 'cause of the oxytocin and whatnot.

It's a bad cycle I thought I had broken, but really I just became celibate and didn't date anyone for 3 years. Fell for someone and had a summer fling, then went back to celibate and alone for three years.

I can't separate adult relations from a relationship. I tried to just have one-night stands in my early 20s, but they always ended up in relationships.

I know this is all beyond the scope of my original question, but I just feel lost now. Physical touch is very, very important to me, but I don't want that to have to mean it leads to adult relations. But, honestly, I'm aching for both right now :/

I'm just realizing how totally messed up I am :tears:

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#51239
Last thing I want to say on this tonight/this morning is that I have met him many times before. We are both in the uni senate and we've been to several of the same events (at which there were like 20 people). In fact, during the election watch party I sat next to him and colored. But, I didn't know he was a part of the community until after I had already answered the ad. I thought he looked familiar in his picture, but didn't recognize him at first.

So, all that to say, he seemed safe before all this, so IDK why I'd get a different impression tomorrow. It's her I've never met, and she would be my sis, so that's why we're meeting for coffee.

Also, also we'll be at a coffee shop, so please don't worry about my safety. My sanity/brokenness on the other hand...

Anyway, thank you everyone

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