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#50897
So a lot of littles have theories as to why they're a little. Like a lot of times they say they're little because they were abused or neglected as a kid or bullied a lot or didn't really have a childhood or something like that. I know it's not always the case but it's common from what I can tell.

Why do you think might be the root reason why you're drawn to being a Caregiver versus being just a regular partner?

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#50898
I didn't know if I should answer this in my question or not but figured I should answer it as a reply so it doesn't get in the way of the question. My theories about me...

One is that I was abused by an adult male babysitter/relative and maybe I'm subconciously afraid of adult men, manly men, or typical adult masculinity but lean more hetero so somehow my weird brain thought up attraction to a man who is regressed to a stage where he did not hurt or abuse or scare. Not that all men do that! I'm just saying that maybe my brain got all mixed up with things like that? Also to tag with that is when I was younger I had a couple of abusive situations with a former boyfriend that didn't regress and maybe that's just solidified the feelings of safety with a regressor?

Second is just the general fact that I had to be a parent over my brothers when I was growing up. It wasn't that my parents were intentionally neglectful but they were out of the house a lot working and I was the oldest and the girl so I became the mother figure when I was still pretty young. Maybe it was just an extreme lack of childhood to the point that I never experienced it enough to miss it and settled into adulthood faster so am more comfortable or the inability to "give up control" because I've always been the one "in charge"?

Third is also generalized but a twist on the reasons why a lot of littles say they're little and almost like #2 but not. Maybe I'm subconciously wanting to recreate my own childhood because when I was a mom to my brothers I felt safe and in control and unharmed. I felt like I was appreciated and loved and things were easy. So, maybe I'm also grasping at my own childhood, except my childhood was not a typical child-childhood.

I know I don't relate so well to other typical adults but regressing adults is completely different and I feel like I can be myself more fully around them. I know I don't have any attraction to kids in anyway so I know it's not like secret pedo feelings or something. I just feel so different than other regular adults that I've been trying so hard to figure myself out and why I am the way I am. So please don't get upset if my reasons for myself don't come close to applying to you or if they somehow hurt your feelings! I don't mean to upset anybody.

That's all I've come up with so far about myself. I'm super interested in know about others so please respond if you have theories about yourself!

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#51131
Doug here.

I honestly feel like I am the the opposite in a lot of ways.

In everyday life I am usually pretty diplomatic and non confrontational, and I don't really feel like I have that much control over the direction I am headed in. Being a caregiver gives me the control and responsibility that I lack ordinarily, and helps me feel more confident in other aspects of my life. As for why I identify as a caregiver over other types of D/S dynamics, honestly, it's probably because I am not comfortable with being all that mean, and care giving is the act of taking care of someone else as opposed to being the boss of someone else (for me at least). I've always liked looking after people, but people rarely actually need me in real life. Now I have someone, who needs, wants me and loves me, and frankly, I feel incredible.

So yeah, certainly different and much less Freudian than your reasons. Hopefully that answers your question, and I hope that someone in your life loves you as much as my little and I love each other. Have fun out there.

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#51134
Hi Doug

I think you don't understand what Freudian means beacuse what I said really had nothing to do with my sexuality in relation to how he felt women expressed their needs or how children lusted for their opposite gender parent. Freud believed that women basically experienced hysteria or like going crazy if they didn't reach special burst frequently/in the "right" way, and also believed that female children naturally lusted after their fathers and, thus, competed with their mothers for his attention because they ultimately wanted to reproduce with their fathers. In a way his theories completely bypassed the idea of abuse even, which is something I theorize relates to my general attraction to regressed males. Though we now seem to realize that some portions of Freud's theories stem from a weird form of abuse where he felt males were just generally dominant, women were perpetually sensually frustrated, and children were all hot and bothered for related adult men. Kind of screamed of pedo stuff and patriarchy if you ask me but I guess a lot of those people in his time had bizarre theories like that.
Really completely unrelated to what I've theorized about myself though if you ask me. Also I didn't really mention my sexuality or intimate preferences at all so it's weird you instantly connected my theories to adult relations? That's neither here nor there though I guess but I just wanted to say that you're using terms incorrectly! Not a big deal because I do understand that it can be hard to swallow the garbage he was known for spewing out and people often try to soften the blow by justifying such small, small details of his flawed "findings" by overly using the Freudian term for all psychological anythings

Thank you though for sharing your personal theory of your connection to being drawn to the caregiver role! From my understanding it sounds like you needed a validation for existence to some degree by having someone need and depend on you. The need to be needed is such a crucial component of being a caregiver I think because it's the base for so so sooo much in our exchanges with our partners. I do absolutely feel that way too but I guess it doesn't necessarily feel like the root of WHY but just an extension of what the caregiver role is to me. I guess my deeper bit of roots is unrelated to my career path though, but it's interesting that you feel yours stems from that and trying to find balance. So yours is more like grasping at something you didn't and don't have and mine may be holding onto something I've always known to be solid. Interesting!

Also I don't think cgl is inherently D/s. Do you? Maybe that is where we are very different in our base theories about ourselves?

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#51135
Hi MommaStrange

Yeah, I realise that I was kind of using 'Freudian' as shorthand for 'influenced by your childhood and relationship with your parents' and kind of brushing over a lot of deeply flawed pseudoscience perpetuated by lack of willingness to test against as opposed to toward existing hypothesis (and decent helping of misogyny). Sorry about that. I just kind of wanted to acknowledge that I had read your response, and the shorthand wasn't really appropriate. It doesn't really work for talking about how your previous relationships and abuse affected you either.

Like I said in my response, I am REAAALLY non confrontational, so I didn't mean to undermine the nuance of your response, and I hope you weren't too hurt by it.

Yeah, I don't really think that my reason is that deep. My childhood was fine. I just kind of get lonely sometimes and want someone to look after. Now I have someone, and I feel better about myself, simple as that. If you want to get psychological, I suppose being an only child could have something to do with it.

As for whether CGL is inherently D/S, that's just how I personally started it. I've seen arguments for and against on this site, and I haven't really formed my own opinion.

Hope this cleared the air a bit.
Best Wishes,
Doug

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#51137
Hi Doug

I'm not offended or upset at all and I'm sorry if I came off that way! I'm not hurt by your words and your perspective. I just found your perceptions to be different than my own and wanted to talk about how I viewed what I had said about myself and what you had said about yourself from my perspective. The Freudian thing I do understand. Though the relationship with my parents is kind of null because there was no relationship mentioned aside from me having to naturally take the role toward my brothers but I see how it was easy for you to just assume it anything within the family directly correlates to childhood relationship with parents.... I just was meaning i took the role but it wasn't somethig my parents necessarily forced against my will or something I chased after in effort to draw the attention of one or both parents. But it was interesting to me that it was the choice of wording when my viewpoint had nothing to do with connections to any of Freud's absurd theories/non-sense. Haha can you tell I'm just not a fan of Freud?

About the D/s structure idea it's interesting that you're in an in between state with that idea! Maybe you're in a learning period about it still and that's always nice to realize when you're growing and absorb new knowledge. I know the site has a bit of both perspectives and think that's some thing that is great about it? People seem friendly enough even if they conflict in ideas. The open discussions really help us to work out the kinks of what separates us from other peoples and couples

So welcome to the group here!!

Anyways I'm sorry if I made you feel upset or bothered at all with the idea that you my have upset me! I didn't mean to come off as confrontational or aggressive! It wasn't what I meant to do. I just wanted to further the conversation and understand you and your perspectives more clearly

Thank you for answering!!

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