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#50847
Hey all,

Just a curious question here. This topic question is assuming that every care-giver wants to protect their little, make them feel special and do everything to keep and make them happy.

Lastly, before i get into this topic, this is also assuming that the relationship is sexual/intimate also.

In regards to things such as falling ill, or having an appearance of falling weak due to something, should you talk to your little about it? The "obvious" answer may be yes, as they are your partner as well as your care-giver or little, but if you are the very thing that makes your little feel safe, and you have something temporary or otherwise that could make you appear less indestructable, should you still tell your little? even if that means that it could affect how safe they feel, and therefore their ability to get into littlespace?

I have been ill for years (I know this sounds weird) and it has been very difficult for me in all aspects, but aside from my personal struggles and experiences/personal debates, i am generally interested in the views of both sides here.

This is a very difficult topic indeed. (In my opinion) i wish for my opinion, even if someone has a complete oppisite position, to be respected, and for counter-arguments not to be hostile or include anything relating to "obviously". I feel a post coming in that a care-giver shouldnt be so idolized because they are human, but if a person feels that strongly about you, why would you want to lessen such a bond?

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#50858
Being someone's rock doesn't mean being invincible.

You can be strong and sturdy while also showing your partner that you are capable of dealing with illness (physical or mental) too. Just because you are sick doesn't mean you aren't fighting or that you've given up on taking care of yourself, them, your responsibilities, or maintaining a relatively stable life. Just because you have hard times doesn't mean you are weak or incapable of giving care.

You can use illness, again whether mental or physical, as a tool to show your little that this is not weakness. This is not a scary thing they need to fear. This is something you can also take care of, have been taking care of, will be taking care of and that you can also teach them to be okay with it if you are ever not able to be around.

Humans don't live forever. You aren't immortal. You aren't actually superman. And these are good, okay things.

Everybody at some point feels sad. If you make it seem like some people (like yourself) don't then that's only subconsciously psychologically telling your little that when they feel sad they are defective, broken.

Everybody feels pain and has illness at some point. Again, if you make it seem like some people (like yourself) never do then again you're giving psychological signals to your dependent that they should be afraid, should feel extra bad, should feel defective when they have to feel these things.

Even bio-children need to learn about illness and even death so that they aren't in constant fear. A sick parent does not mean they don't have a good support system. It's the parents' attitude about it and how they approach the subject comfortable with their child.

You can do this. You can tell your little and have these conversations while letting them know that you are still in control, still capable, still responsible, still on good ground to tend to them too and take care of things on their behalf too.

Being a Caregiver does not mean you should be indestructable. That has nothing to do with being a good Caregiver. If anything, presenting yourself as "perfect in all ways" is detrimental and will end up setting your little up to be massively, massively hurt when the unexpected happens. Accidents--serious tragedies--happen every single day. Give them the opportunity to at least deal with a consistent/constant/frequent illness before they are forced to deal with traumatic incidents that are not avoidable in this life, on this world.

You can use this to "protect" your little by education, building of their confidence, squashing fears that every single human on the planet faces at some point. If anything, this is a wonderful opportunity for your partnerships.

Being a Caregiver is SO much more than "protecting" someone from any and all unhappiness. It's guidance, nurturing their confidence, helping them to understand, maintaining safety by being the watchful eye, being the voice of reason sometimes, being their other perspective when they need it. Protecting someone doesn't mean "hiding all unhappy things so they don't have to deal with any of it." Protecting them means you give them the tools, the resources and steps, on how they can get through a tough situation if they are ever in a position where they are forced to be in a tough situation.

It's my opinion that building yourself up to be godlike does not allow a close bond. Worshiping someone does not equate to intimacy. Why would I want to ever put myself in a position of potential "failure" and truly scare or devastate my fragile little when they realize I am only human, just like them? That is inevitable, no matter how much you don't want it to be.

It isn't right to keep your illness from your partner, no matter if your partner is a little or not. It just isn't right. It only hurts them in the long run because they aren't given the chance to know you on that level or the opportunity to grow from learning from experiences with you. Lift up your little, help them build up their confidence, teach them how to deal with "the bad things" that life will always be throwing at them. Don't box them off in such a way that there is no personal growth. Because one day...one day, you will not be capable of being around...and then what? Who really suffers then?

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