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good morning everyone. I'm new here and this is my first post...I don't know if I am looking for advice, help, or just maybe someone who is in the same boat as me...its sort of long so I apologize.

I met my daddy about 5ish years ago. he was in a relationship as was i. we met through mutual friends. the second I laid eyes on him I was drawn to him. I needed to know more about him. It wasn't until we bumped into each other at Safeway one day that we actually did an exchange of phone numbers and thats where things took off. as i explained before, we were both in relationships so we kept our correspondence secret. at first we'd text and just chat and get to know each other. that quickly turned into a friends with benefits/affair type situation. at the time I knew he was dominate. and I knew I was into bdsm, Dom/sub but my boyfriend is not which made this affair so much fun. I also started to develop feelings for him. we continued to meet up in private for some time. After a while guilt set in and I left him. by this time my boyfriend and I had been together 3ish years.

Fast forward another maybe twoish years. I am still with my boyfriend and we were just finding out we were pregnant due in April 2017. yes we were trying. daddy reaches out to me via a fake facebook account. we chatted. I mentioned I was pregnant. he didn't seem to mind. it was almost as if we had picked back up where we had left off two years prior. as soon as we started talking, my feelings that I had buried rose again. I questioned wether this was a good idea to get back into, but like I said before I was drawn to this man...I just had no clue why at that point. we spoke through my entire pregnancy again in private but never hooked up. he was patient with me. he listened to me. he was interested in me. And this is where my training began.

Daddy has always been a daddy. this I did not know. I found out alot about daddy in the following months. I had no idea that ddlg was a thing. I knew literally nothing about it and thought he was nuts at first. you mean you want me to call you DADDY??? ya, I said that. now I could never imagine calling daddy by his real name.... anyway he started out slow, introducing this new world to me. he knew I was not convinced that I was into this lifestyle quite yet. I will admit it took a lot of coaxing before I came around. I always had to say "I love you daddy" and "yes daddy" "no daddy" "I understand daddy" and if I didn't say it right, he made sure to press until I did. it was not until he made me start to say it to his face that I really started living into my little girl role.

PSA: ok I know this is getting long but I really just want y'all to get an understanding of me and my little life.

jump up to after my son was born and a couple months old. my s/o had found out about daddy. threatened to leave me even. he didn't know a lot about much. he didn't know who it was that I was speaking to until I told him daddy real name. he did not know the extent of the relationship. he did not know about the previous affair and did not know we spoke through my entire pregnancy. he was pissed. but he was not ready to quit. we struggled for a long time. I quit speaking to daddy. this sucked. I hated everything about it. but if I was going to work things out with my s/o then I knew I needed to.

during the time that I was not speaking to daddy, and my s/o and I were working things out, I came across daddys real facebook. it was actually my s/o who found it b/c he wanted to know who this man was that I was speaking to. my s/o came to me and asked me if I knew daddy was married. I hadn't. I was in complete shock. all this time daddy never told me. I was pretty upset. I gave it a few more weeks before reaching back out to daddy. I asked him about his marriage. he told me. I asked why he never told me before. daddy giving his daddy response says "it never came up".

so here we are. still seeing each other in private. daddy a married man and me with my s/o of almost 7 years. I am his little. he is my daddy. I love him. I miss him when we are not speaking. I think of him constantly. I can't wait till morning when I get to text him again. I am a little. a little who lives two completely separate lives. I have a daddy who also lives two separate lives. i know it probably isn't healthy living this way but this is what it is. and now you know more about why I say my ddlg relationship is complicated. feel free to leave comments but please be nice. I know its not the best situation to be in and I don't need advice to leave my s/o. I just wanted to reach out and share my story. and maybe connect with someone who might be in a similar situation.

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When the mistress gets confused if she's actually loved by the guy who's cheating on his spouse with her is very sad to me. It breaks my heart that he is preying on a vulnerable personality this way and has gotten you all mixed up with what you deserve.

Have you considered that your Daddy does not mind about your long-term relationship status or your child you've had because you are nothing more than an online distraction from his actual reality? Have you considered that he does not emotionally care about you and love you as you deserve and that's why he is okay with keeping you at distance and hidden away? These are very real, likely possibilities.

A lot of married men and women hide that they are married when seeing their mistress because their mistress is not "important enough" to actually be a part of their real lives. Ask yourself why you are okay with not being important enough to be a part of someone's reality.

Step one, stop messing around on your partner without their full consent on this situation. That is lacking care for them as an equal. That's not okay. If you cared about them at all you'd at least open up discussions with them about agreeing to start seeing other people outside of the current relationship commitment. That's called consent. Your partner deserves to be in agreement of this before anything at all goes any further, at all, regardless of it being "only online" majority of the time.

I understand that they have found out and were incredibly hurt. It sounds like you still have not come to an agreement to see this other man. You need to have that consent before you continue. What you are doing is wrong if your partner does not agree to it. Why isn't your partner important enough to gain consent from before continuing ahead?

I don't think anybody here wants to help you cheat on your partner. And I don't think you would want to be with a partner who is emotionally or sexually cheating on you. Wasn't it hurtful enough to find out that he was hiding his wife from you?

Since having an affair is illegal (adultery; "extra marital affair") then technically this topic is even against our rules. I'm not really comfortable with people getting together to discuss how to positively have an affair, regardless of their identities within the community. This is not acceptable behavior and we should not be supporting the continuation of such activities. Consent of all parties involved is very important.

Keep in mind too that these days it doesn't matter if his affair is "just online" or not--it'd still make for an unhappy court case during a possible divorce. Do you really want to be pulled into court as the mistress of this married man who wanted to have an online sexual fling behind his wife's back? That would go into court documents with your full name. How do you feel about that very real possibility?

Talk to your committed partner. Be honest and care for them by telling them what you'd like to do and telling them that you two need to find a middle ground about it because you do not want to stop the emotional connection with your Daddy. Stop hiding important things that could pull your family apart. He deserves to be in a place of importance to you too. He deserves the right to give consent to this situation before it goes any further at all, and he deserves to have his choice in it respected even if that means your relationship with him needs to end. You have chosen to be with him and have a family with him and he deserves to have his choices respected as well. His needs as a partner are just as important as your needs as a little.

When your partner consents to you seeing a man outside of your relationship with him then you need to advise your Daddy that it is important his wife consents to your relationship with him.

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