Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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#50284
Just a quick question really I was thinking today through all my years looking on different forums and meeting some wonderful people they is always one thing that stays the same which is do you think they is too much pressure on littles to have a caregiver to truly enjoy been little

I have been at both ends of this thought and yes they is sometimes limitations to what you can do alone but what do you all think

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#50285
Yes!

I'm so glad you asked this! It's a huge pet peeve of mine in the community.

I think it really damages our community that we continue that pressure and keep spreading it.

It's a massive problem that causes a lot of self destructive behavior and leads to literally using other people, not genuinely caring about them too because of that desperation and thought that caregivers are not people with feelings but just items to collect

It's like we want this all to just be dating sometimes? And that seems real weird to me. I know nobody wants to be alone but like...don't you want REAL LOVE, like to really be cared about, and not just some fast attention?

Because of all the pressure people get very desperate too. They start to convince themselves that everything would be rainbow and sunshine if they just had a partner. That isn't reality. That isn't realistic. And then they fall into depression or for scams or hooking up willy nilly with literally anyone and everyone that will look their way for 2 secs, almost like they want to get hurt. Then they're let down when their 2 second romance falls through. It's really absurd that we accept this as ok. It isn't ok to hop around, using people for attention, pretending to care about each other because we supposedly believe everything is all better and perfect when having a partner. It isn't ok to always put yourself in a vulnerable position because you don't actually KNOW the person you're partnering up with. That's dangerous!

Being little doesn't mean you NEED someone else to enjoy your mind, your differences. Just indulge and let yourself do some activities that really get you feeling happy and like a bio-kid again. Being little is a personality trait. It's identifying your internal self as being atypical compared to social expectations of other biological adults. It's who you are on the inside, and how you are different than social expectations from your preferences, your interactions with others, your thoughts your interests and hobbies, to even your natural coping skills. It isn't a choice to just be a little. It really has nothing to do with "having fun" or "doing something with someone." Having a caregiver is just a bonus, an addition but not necessary to be happy.

It's like you don't NEED a pacifier to be a happy little, right? You don't NEED diapers or onesies or anything materialistic at all. These things are nice to have but you can still do little things and have a happy, good time without needing these things. Those things are just extras, just things that boost your experience and self expression. You are still you, regardless of what items you have, and you can still find ways to express yourself externally without fancy items. The same goes with a partner! You are still you with or without a partner! You can still enjoy yourself, your natural traits, your silly moments, without someone else being with you.

Caregivers are sorta like parents, right? They are an authority figure who guides, nurtures, and loves. They provide safety and security. They set the structure.

Well, most parents don't participate as a peer with their children. They don't frequently color, draw, play with Legos or blocks, or play imaginary games with them. Usually family game nights only happen once a week so even times where they do sorta do the same activity it's more routine and structured versus a frequent thing.
They usually passively glance at cartoons and multi-task something else while their child watches a silly show, colors, draws, does homework, plays with toys.

I usually say when people are begging for anybody to be their partner and they say it's because they want to be in littlespace I say just pretend your caregiver is in the other room, busy cooking or cleaning and you're in your room a little bit without them. Because that's realistic? Nobody is going to be on top of you 24/7 giving you 24/7 attention and focus lol just play pretend for a little bit you know?

What I'm saying here is that, no, you don't need a partner to enjoy your identity. You don't need a caregiver to be a little. You don't need a little to be a caregiver. You don't need items to be in the cgl community. You don't need anything but accepting and loving yourself to start really enjoying yourself. You don't need anything at all but to just be yourself.

YOU are the star of your own show. Everything else, everyone else, is extras or bonus.

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#50295
I guess I never thought of it as pressure, per se, but I can see where it might feel like that?

If anything, I see it as an amplification of the natural desire to "couple up" that most humans have.

While in the larger sense, yes, we are still adults who are capable of being independent and autonomous, I think as littles we gravitate towards wanting a partner (platonic or otherwise) ever more so than the population at large because we seek the nurturing that is the other side of the slash.

I agree wholeheartedly with nym that the CG/l dynamic is not a true pattern from even the most idealized childhoods. But that's one of the benefits to this being a lifestyle choice or play space ... We get to pick the best parts and ramp those up. And, absolutely, we can be ourselves regardless of our relationship status, and it's beneficial to understand our identity before getting into a relationship (gives us a better chance at finding partner(s) best suited for us and getting our needs met).

I think it's natural for littles to want caregivers and vice versa. It's a form of balancing the dynamic we're subscribing to and, for many I'd imagine, is part of the attraction of the dynamic in general. It is the ideal of the dynamic because it did start as a type of D/s and, therefore, is inherently partner-based.

Because our community is relatively small, though, it can be tougher to find partners in this space, and so we see what seems to be a larger, louder amount of searching going on. In reality, though, it's probably no different than any other microcosm of the dating sphere, it just echoes louder in the spaces we congregate.

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