Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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We have recently become more vocal in the Littlespace community. We believe that we are holders of unique opinions, perspectives, that could potentially be beneficial in discovery of one’s own regression. We may have opinions that may seem divisive on the surface, but we are honestly trying our best to understand ourselves (our public community behavior) more as we help others understand themselves.

We would like to try and give our opinion on why we disagree with certain terminology commonly used by the community: “Little side”. We particularly dislike the use of side to describe one’s own littleness, and we will try to express why.

Our background

We became cognizant of the AB/TB/DL, lifestyle in our early teens; however, it was our genuine interest in regression and fondness of diapers that lead us to that discovery.

Our earliest memories of wanting to be babies came as far back as when we were 5 years old. Our first fantasy consisted in us physically being a large baby, wearing nothing but diapers, in the arms of a woman that took care of us but was not our biological mom, being breastfed, being non-verbal. Since then we harnessed those desires, the feelings towards becoming stronger and the ideas fleshing out. To us it wasn’t so much a matter of defying social expectations as it was a path towards self-realization—the fantasy has become a reality and has become a lifestyle to us.

We have no doubt in our identity, in who and what we are, in what we want for our lives and where we see ourselves being. Regression has given us the chance to discover and connect with our souls. Every aspect of our personality can be directly linked to us identifying as Babies. We want to live this lifetime devoted to the lifestyle.

Our dream is to one day wake up as Babies, carrying out our day as Babies, going to sleep as Babies, repeating until our end. We currently do feel and identify as Babies, though we are missing the physical component of having the space and our Mommy to reciprocate in our desires.

Our littlespace doesn’t require interactions with anybody else. We’ve found that we are Babies regardless of who we are with and where we are. Of course, we cannot act upon our desires at all times, but our thoughts and feelings are always consistent and congruent. There aren’t instances where we have clashing interests or desires, such as having an activity that makes us wish to break the headspace. For example, going out partying, partaking in substance consumption, so on and so forth.

Our opinion

We more commonly see people exercising a role in the community as more of a side than whatnot. Not necessarily that it is explicitly expressed, but we have had enough experience and a lot of interactions enough to be able to more or less tell when people have interests that lie outside of regression, and that regression isn’t a focal point.

We are not at all saying that this is a bad thing. We wish to challenge notions and paradigms! We believe that if there is interest in ageplay, that it is either

a.) a group of personality traits that make it desirable to play as a younger age, or
b.) a set of self-confined and disjointed fantasies, scenes, that are arousing/stimulating, that aren’t necessarily indicative of regressive nature or desire.

We can understand that people who are more akin to group b can consider littlespace as precisely a space, a side. That it isn’t necessarily a part of who they are or what conforms their identity.

But as for group a, which we believe is much more prevalent than not in this particular communities (Littlespace Online and DateCGL), we consider that the perspective of littlespace being a side is underdeveloped, misunderstood.

We are aware that there are degrees in which a person engages in a certain activity. As an alternate example: one can enjoy video games—playing casually from time to time; while others enjoy them in a more of a hardcore way, spending countless hours grinding and honing their gaming skills. In both cases video games are part of who they are in both cases. One could argue that the casual gamer isn’t a gamer, though ironic since the term gamer is within that definition!

The same principle can be applied to regression, though we feel moreso since regression is more personal and intimate than video games.

What we’re ultimately trying to say is that we believe that people who have even just a little Little in them have more Little in them than perhaps realized. That, being Little isn’t a side, but more of a part of one’s personality, one’s identity. Being Little isn’t about a segregated activity or disconnected feelings that aren’t compatible with one’s sense of identity. That being Little is a lifestyle, whether or not it is actively acted upon.

We truly wish others would participate more deeply in activities that let them discover more about themselves, who they are, and why they identify with what they do. Activities such as open discussion, closed and personal discussion, meditation, self-reflection. Having times to be Little are fun and enjoyable. But these activities become much much more enjoyable once one arms themselves with reasons why they are the way they are. It becomes more happy, more fulfilling that way!

Our justification

We are not judging the community. We love this community very much and really wish the growth and personal realization of each and every part of it! (Of course, as long as they are an outstanding member. We have no tolerance for bad apples that don’t wish to recognize and correct their behaviors.)

However, it would be personally enjoyable if we found more people who identify as their role as deeply as we do, and that aren’t inhibited by any other perspective or condition when engaging in their ageplay. Not that we couldn’t engage with most of the community. But, just as commonalities bring people together, deep regression and commitment to one’s regressive identity are big interests that would make us connect more easily and more strongly with others.

Questions for discussion

For people that consider their Little selves a side: Why would you say that it is that way, as opposed to a personality trait or part of your identity at the core?

At what point do you consider being a Little a lifestyle?

For people that don’t consider their Little selves as a lifestyle: Why not?

Thank you for bearing with us. We wish you all nothing but the very very best! :heart: :heart:

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I use the term "side" as a way to describe myself being little as opposed to when I have to be big and make adult decisions and work in a job because I am an adult in the eyes of the world. Am I always a little? Definitely. Inside I know that's a piece of my identity and I wasn't completely whole until I found that aspect inside myself. So I suppose I may be using the term "side" incorrectly, but it's language and flawed.

I honestly believe it's a lifestyle when you realize it's a very important piece of yourself and a side you can't just ignore and deny. I believe perhaps people don't consider it being a lifestyle until they can be regressed 24/7 or something similar. I don't think I could be regressed all the time because I wouldn't be happy being little all the time. And sometimes I regress to different ages. It's a very small range, but it's different depending on where I am in my mindset. Some people think they can't use the term lifestyle if they don't have a 24/7 caregiver.

I think it's all down to terminology, personally. But I haven't been quite as active in the community or been here long enough so I might not have a relevant opinion. All I can talk about is me and what I've seen out of a few people I've talked to not on this site.

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We suppose that there has to be a way to distinguish between different mindsets. We suppose that an alternative term for side would have to be found.
I honestly believe it's a lifestyle when you realize it's a very important piece of yourself and a side you can't just ignore and deny. I believe perhaps people don't consider it being a lifestyle until they can be regressed 24/7 or something similar.
We really like the way you are thinking here. We had not thought about this even when our premises in our opinion can lead to this as a conclusion. That’s a really great observation!

We think it would be nice for more people to realize it is a lifestyle because calling it that makes people embrace that aspect of themselves rather than segregating it as a side.

We understand that it can sound like we are mostly discussing terminology, and that is one of the aspects we are indeed bringing up. We believe that if everybody is on the same page when conversing, when the definitions are correctly used and congruent amongst all participants, that the discussion can have lots of educational value.

However, we think that regression is a powerful tool in the self-realization path that people in this community could definitely appreciate more! We come from personal experience, where our lifestyle is so gratifying, fulfilling, all-encompassing, that we wish other people could have similar experiences as we do by embracing it and accepting the lifestyle as a big part of who they are!

Anyway, we truly appreciate the feedback! We hope that we can keep this discussion going, as we already learned a bit more today.

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Very excellent topic of discussion!! I'm not too sure on the terminology either. I'm not happy with "side" or "lifestyle" myself because I don't believe either of those words fit me.

Being a little seems more like a personality trait to me than a "side" and it is strange to me that some people in the community seem to have interest in having some sort of... disconnect between "themselves" and "their little side". Like they want to keep it as a fantasy, "not real" in some way. Like they have a "real grown up" self and a "fantasy little self"... I don't really understand that mindset myself. I consider being a little to be a very real part of me and it connects to a lot of parts of my personality. It's not something I try to restrict to a fantasy or a "side" I only let come out when I feel it's acceptable.

It is very normal and natural to have a lot of different personality traits that come out at different times. That's just what being a normal person is. How I behave at work is very different then how I behave in more casual settings. But I don't call my working personality a "professional side" or anything like that. Both the professional personality presented at work as well as other parts of myself are real parts of who I am. Both are real, both are me!

But every person has their own different feelings and experiences. Maybe people like calling different aspects of themselves a "side" and that helps them organize their own thoughts and feelings. If it helps someone understand themselves and feel happy with themselves I don't see the harm in someone calling something their "little side". Again, it doesn't make total sense to me.. But what matters is it making sense to that individual. Not everyone needs to make sense to me.

But yeah... I see being a little as being very interconnected with many parts of myself...

As for the reason I don't like to describe being a little as a lifestyle... Well, I'd be a little even if I didn't live the lifestyle, I think. If I tried to live a lifestyle where I did no little things... I'd still be a little, and I'd still be wanting to do those things.... Right now I can happily engage in little lifestyle, but there may come a point in my life where I can't for whatever reason. If I have to stop living a little lifestyle I will still be a little in my heart, waiting to live that life again.

In my daily life I don't use any terminology at all. I don't use words to explain. I'm just being myself liking the things I like. I only need to try to worry about using terminology when I want to try to connect with other people who are like me!

Admittedly I tend to change my words depending on the community I'm interacting with. On this forum I would call myself a little, but in other places I might call myself an age-regressor. I look at what the community does and how they understand and use their words and I will adapt accordingly.

I'm sorry if this response is ever like weird at any point. I liked this topic a lot, I wanted to give a good and thoughtful answer. But I've been tired for days and I'll keep being tired, so I might not be gathering my thoughts as well as I like! Oh well, I did my best!

Thanks for posting your insights Azure and Vanilla! You're very smart and very appreciated!

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We appreciate the feedback, Birdi! We think that you bring very valid perspectives into play.

In our personal case, we do consider regression to be a lifestyle, but now we see that definition may not apply to all people, even when their thoughts and feelings on regression are similar. Since we have put so much focus on it in our lives, we can’t see ourselves not calling it a lifestyle for us.

In spite of our adult responsibilities, we don’t ever really identify as adults. We don’t feel comfortable as adults, and just identify as Babies that have grown (not necessarily “up”) rather than grownups that like to be Babies.

Calling it a personality trait seems to be more appropriate. Going into a bit of semantics here. We very much prefer personality trait over side, because a side could imply that there are sides that are opposite to each other, one that counters the other, and is still a segregated segment of a shape. Personality trait, on the other hand, implies that there is an identity and it is part of that identity. That it adds to it and is an equal part of a mesh of traits.

We can see

We think that the value in using proper terminology is that they give implicitly solid grounds of discussion. When the words are defined and the definition is uniform across all users, then messages have less of a chance to diffuse.

But also, once one person learns of a definition they are more prone to taking that definition to heart. We think that humans in general naturally strive to both find who they are and let other people know who they are. Language is a very important tool in the definition of one’s own identity.

In reality though, language is a fluid thing. It evolves and adapts. New words appear while other words become deprecated. It is still important to strive to find definitions that help us communicate with one another, within and without the community.

Sorry for the little off-topic rant, but we wanted to touch upon the language component of your comment!

We think that the most important takeaway of the whole discussion is that we would like for people to do more intra-personal exploration and discovery, and we see regression as a very important vehicle that allows one to discover who they are. If not completely, at least a great portion. We just feel that if one shows signs of being a little, then there is an indicator that there is something much bigger going on in the background and looking into it can bring so much joy and understanding!

Thank you for bringing so much value to the community, Birdi! You are great at discussing!

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As a big, I am a mother. I have a ten year old step son and a 3 month old. I can't consider myself little when I have to cook dinner, change diapers, check homework etc. When my oldest is at school and daddy is home to watch the baby, I can be little. I don't consider my little a "side" it is very much part of my personality (I am around 7 when little, so I'll play nerf gun or board games too) but I know I cannot be in littlespace when I am responsible for the children. I have need to be little that I have to communicate to daddy or else I will need to stay big and take care of things. So I get considering little space a"side". Sometimes adulting life has to be done first.

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I would not call it a "lifestyle" or a "side" but I would call it an identity.

It should never be considered simply a way to relieve stress or have fun. It's not a hobby or a "side" of someone. Those are from people who are misidentifying themselves as belonging in a community they do not actually belong within. In the community they're really labeled as "fake" but I don't think they're malicious. I think they just don't understand who the REAL littles are and how it isn't easy being little, it isn't a choice to just be a little. It really has nothing to do with "having fun" but I get why that confuses people.

I'm guessing that a large portion of the visible/active "littles" online are only "playing a game" or "playing as a character" to "relieve stress" or "have fun" in their spare time and not necessarily identifying (key word) as being this personal identity. They are not actually little. They are just regular adult people doing dumb things kids do because they're stressed out and found an easy or fun way to cope. Every adult experiences stress, and every adult has to find ways to cope with that.

I think if you ask any "vanilla" adult to be honest about the ways they relieve stress then you'd be surprised at how many childish or teenage behaviors they would list off. It's because kids are free to have fun and not take much seriously. Even coloring books for adults have become popular as a way many adults relieve stress. It does not mean these "vanilla" people are littles. In psychology this is completely normal behavior if not excessive or overtaking of one's life.

It's sorta like a crossdresser who says he's a straight cis male who just likes to crossdress on the weekends out of it being a weird quirky stress reliever. It's "fun" but he does not want to change genders or crossdress all of time so it's not a part of the person's identity. He would not be welcome to label himself as "transgender" just because he occasionally wears atypical clothing as a stress relief. Crossdressing may be a part of someone's transition when they identify as transgender but crossdressing doesn't make someone transgender. It's just something they often do. It's an activity of leisure for them. It is still within typical standards from a psychological perspective.

Just because the person crossdresses sometimes doesn't make that person belong to a community where that behavior is extremely common and a form of internal self expression. To the people within that actual community crossdressing is not as a form of stress relief, but still a way stress is automatically relieved by the actual transgender person being able to dress freely as a form of their internal self identity and expression while still be accepted as they would like to be acknowledged. Lots of trangender people feel elated when they "pass" to the gender public and it reduces their stress and anxiety to finally be recognized for who they've always been on the inside. That's massively differently than simple crossdressing for fun.

Need it broken down further? Ok!

Joe doesn't become a transgender person because he wears make-up and frilly clothes while calling himself Jazzy Jessibelle 2 Fridays out of the month while firmly identifying himself as a straight cis man. He deems the crossing behavior as "fun" though. And that's okay! But Joe is NOT a transgender person. He is not a part of the transgendered community.

Jack is a transgendered person because Jack was born with female anatomy/genitalia according to a doctor and given the birthname of Janet, under the social expectations that "Janet" would be female and transition from girl to woman as the body she was born into matured. Jack realized that the identity "Janet" was invalid though and it has become a deadname to the actual person who later named himself Jack. Jack dresses masculine according to societal expectations of males and as a form of self-expression, and regularly goes by the name Jack. While it may be fun to finally get to live as his true internal-identity, Jack does not see it as "just being fun" or "a way to relieve stress". Jack transitioned/transitioning from being born as female to now identifying as a male. Jack is a transgendered person. He is a part of the transgendered community!

Relate it to littles? Ok!

Sue doesn't become a little because she likes coloring in coloring books and has an atypical attachment to the comfort of sleeping with a stuffed bear she got from her grandpa when she was biologically 6 years old. Sue doesn't become a little because she likes paintballing on the weekend or playing with NERF guns when she can get by with it in her office. Sue eats Kraft macaroni and cheese dinner twice a week but Sue is not a little. Sue is the average American woman who's just trying to mix in a little carefree "fun" in her life, and likes indulging in quick, easy meals because she's strapped on time a few nights a week after long work shifts. Sue is not a part of the cgl community.

Mary is a little because Mary identifies herself as relating more to the biological age expectations and thought processes of a young person about 5-7 years old. She often reacts exactly as a child that age range would, and does not feel equipped or capable of handling many adult responsibilities that she is expected to face as a biologically 30 year old woman. Mary feels lost as an adult, and is often misplaced from her biological peers due to her naivety, disinterest in typical adult activities, and difficulty in relating to their "boring" talk about their families. Mary's sister convinced her to take an IQ test before and it said she was of average intelligence, but left on her own she resorts back to things she did, ate, talked about, and enjoyed from her childhood because she can't figure out what else to say or do. She finds herself constantly in need of external guidance and structure. She eats Kraft macaroni and cheese dinner a few times a week because it's microwavable, she doesn't feel confident cooking, and because she remembers how it was her favorite food when she was a kid so she atypically places feelings of "safety" and "happiness" on the food. Maintaining her adult persona is challenging, overwhelming, and confusing most of the time, and Mary wishes she could be with her "mental peers" again who are biologically between 5-7 years old. Mary is a little and is a part of the cgl community!

Mary wants to be identified as a child again because it's most comfortable and just feels right just like Jack wants to be identified as the gender his birth body did not reflect at one point.

Driving a race car is a hobby. For someone who does NASCAR racing, it is a "side" of who they are, but it is not WHO they are as a personal identity. It's their career path and a lifestyle choice to take on the dangers of driving at high speeds.
Something you do is NOT "be little".
Being a little is WHO you are. Not WHAT you do.

Real littlespace is an identity. Being a little is identifying your internal self. It's who you are on the inside, and how you are different than social expectations.
It's not a "lifestyle" choice or "side of a person" and certainly not a "fun thing to do".

Side topic... Being a parent does not mean that you are not who you are, regardless of if you get to express who you are or if you have to do your best to pretend to be someone you're not. You just learn to cope around raising kids and compartmentalize your expression. If you're a little internally, as your personality, then you might not have the option to express it fully at all times if you have children of your own to take care of and as a little you can still recognize that. You just learn to suppress parts of your identity so that you're perceived as socially expected as you can be. It's like when biological kids get all wound up and excited but they do learn to control their excitement so they won't make a scene and embarrass their parents by drawing unnecessary attention. It's just learned suppression of self, and even biological children can and do learn how to do that.
In terms of caring for somebody but also being a little...even biological children can "baby" their dolls and tend to younger siblings and such. Having children doesn't mean you're actually mature and responsible or that you change who you internally are as an identity. You're either a little all of the time who has learned to suppress expression at times or you're not a little at all.
If you're saying being a little is something you can't do around your kids and you don't see it as an identity but it's just something you do for fun when you don't have anything else to do then you need to reconsider what websites you're visiting because it sure doesn't sound like you belong on any of these ddlg/cgl sites. You're just playing a game, taking up a hobby of being childish, doing something that relieves stress. You're not being a real little. You're just acting like one. Sometimes.

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I can't contribute much to this discussion right now, but I do want to say this is an amazing post. Thank you so much for being brave and breaching this topic! Also @nym, I totally identify with your post. You are spot on, imo. I love the description of it being an identity.

Sometimes I hear "side" and I think of a different persona or separate self, almost. It's confusing to me how that works.

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For people that consider their Little selves a side: Why would you say that it is that way, as opposed to a personality trait or part of your identity at the core?
The assumption here is that the language choice of "side" excludes the possibility that a side is a part of the core identity.

I like analogies, so let's look at the personality or identity as a multi-sided die (like a D20 or D100). The die is inarguably whole in it's identity of being a die, yet has numerous sides and each side has a stated value, any one which takes the primary focus at any given time. The side that's face-up is the one we are shown at a given time, the adjacent sides are semi- visible (especially so on the larger-sided dice), and some are hidden from view. The unseen sides do not cease to exist when not on display, nor are they less valid as part of the die's makeup.

I use "little side" often, as I have many facets to my identity, I am more than any one thing, but time and place and mood may dictate which side of me is most appropriate to show (the ego moderating the id and superego, if we want to go Freudian, which has its own issues, but as I associate littlespace with the ego allowing freer or full rein to the id, it's somewhat appropo). I am always a little, even when not deep in little space, just as I am always an artist regardless of whether I'm holding a paint brush at the time, etc.
At what point do you consider being a Little a lifestyle?

At the point the individual little decides it is. It is not for me to serve as judge or gatekeeper of someone else's identity or to attempt to invalidate their assertion that they are little (at all or "little enough").

When I learned what being little was, and realized it described a part of me that heretofore did not have a name, it did not change who I was, it merely gave me a better vocabulary to describe those parts of myself.

I get what you're saying about wishing more people could dive deeper into their littlespace and understand that it comes from a good place. If I understand correctly, you see it as a lovely, blissful way to be and have a hard time fathoming why anyone /wouldn't/ want to live that way.

For my part, as much as I enjoy dedicated time in littlespace, I also enjoy time spent in pursuits more socially "appropriate" to my chronological age that would be quite out of place if I were living only as a little. To me, this ability to meld the various sides together makes my life far more fulfilling than living as just one or the other.

I think it's important to respect where people are on their journey and where they are comfortable. Some want to stay on the surface, some go a few levels deep, and some delve as far as possible. Their choices do not affect my identity, so how they choose to engage is none of my business, providing they are not harming the community as a whole.

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The assumption here is that the language choice of "side" excludes the possibility that a side is a part of the core identity.
I use "little side" often, as I have many facets to my identity, I am more than any one thing, but time and place and mood may dictate which side of me is most appropriate to show
We are glad that you are part of the community, because we value people who take the time to give insightful opinions. We respect your opinion, and it is of much value that you are backing it with personal experience and it is cohesive.

Unfortunately, we see that many individuals are quick to adopt ideas if those ideas are appealing and seem to be trendy. It would be our preference if more people, especially within the community, would find their place with some due introspection on their individual part. Before drawing the conclusion that they are Little, and staying with that conclusion, without truly defining what Little means to them.
I think it's important to respect where people are on their journey and where they are comfortable. Some want to stay on the surface, some go a few levels deep, and some delve as far as possible. Their choices do not affect my identity, so how they choose to engage is none of my business, providing they are not harming the community as a whole.

We also think similar with the sentiment of respecting people's decisions and how they go on about their own lives. Especially when it relates to Littlespace. It would be wrong for anybody, including us, to wish to put barriers and exclude on the basis of self-identification.

Our opinions may seem a bit divisive, but we hold them with good intentions. We are visionaries in the sense that we hold community ideals and we wish to realize them. We have seen the community grow along the years, and it is definitely appreciated that Littlespace has been slowly but surely recognized as it touches more and more people and becomes a more approachable. More resources are available now than there ever was. This is a very positive thing.

The reasons why we wish to find concrete definitions is to be able to draw firmer lines which will be beneficial to those who seek deeper understanding of their personality and to unite those whom wish to find relationships and friendships under that basis.

We do not often get to meet people as avid or genuine about Littlespace, that understand it through personal experience, and that can at times feel misunderstood. At one point in our exploration we felt misunderstood, and occasionally, alien-like. We would draw people in through our childlike charm, but we were unable to connect at a deeper level. This had brought us some unhappiness in the past, as if we were unrecognized for what we felt. And it was only until we met our Mommy that we felt validated, as she understood how deeply we wish to engage in the lifestyle and how integral it is in our personal identification. It has been cathartic being able to talk to her, to share experiences, to see each other as our respective identities.

We also wish to reach out to those who feel that they feel childlike, at heart. To us, it would be amazing if we could funnel people that are new to identifying as Little, that feel more deeply connected than the average Little, into a space where they feel completely validated and where they can further explore themselves, and connect with other people whom have such a prevalent personality trait. Little friends!

We are Little ourselves, through and through. Irrespective of whatever situation we are in, we never ever stop identifying as Little and it being integral part of our core. We do indeed wish to find people alike.

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