[Snerpydoodle]

About a year ago, I finally managed to get an online CG who seemed to be working out. Ive never had an irl caregiver or even an irl relationship really.

Recently her mental health has declined so much that apparently even just talking online is too much for her most of the time.

Since then going back to the non stop rejection and frustration of trying to find someone online has put me right back into the loop of starting to hate myself for being a little boy, and I cant even really enjoy being little anymore because I just end up not being able to feel little completly on my own and alone as recently even all the chat rooms I would hang out in are dead.

Basically im back to being miserable and tried everywhere, here, datecgl, friends, tindr, pof, cupid,that one fet community website, craigslist, i tried meeting men off craigslist but it just didnt feel right. I end up hating myself because I feel like if i wasnt this way I would be able to have a happy life. Ive been little since I was 5 but spent most of my adult life up until 3 years ago strung out on heroin and suppressed it, once I got clean it all came rushing back but I wish I could make it go away again because all it seems to bring me is self hate and frustration.

I just wish I wasnt a boy, or even that I wasnt little.

[Birdi]

I'm so sorry that people are rejecting you and that makes you begin to hate yourself. You don't deserve to hate yourself. You are very special and unique.

It's easy to assume that if we fit in and were "normal" life would be easier.. But normal doesn't exist. Everyone in this world has something weird about them. Lots of people walk around hiding parts of themselves so they fit in or getting rejected constantly. It's a sad sad thing. We live in a very judgemental society with lots of people who are mean to each other for no reason. I think things would be better if people were encouraged to not judge others and let everyone be themselves.

You're not alone in your struggles to connect with other people. So much of our culture.. It really just breeds loneliness. It isn't easy to find a real, meaningful human connection.

Just because you can't find someone doesn't mean you're bad or that there's something wrong with you. I'm biased because I'm a little, but I think being a little is a wonderful thing to be. You see so much beauty and wonder in things that other grown-ups who left their childhood behind can't. There is so much that is good about being a little.

Lots of times people will go through many lonely years not having a connection with anyone... And sometimes the loneliness can turn someone angry or bitter, and then no one wants to talk to an angry bitter person. But you never know when or where a special person who will love you just the way you are will appear. Life is amazing and gull of surprises. There are so many wonderful people in the world and a very good friend can show up where you don't expect it.

I know it is very hard, but if you keep trying and you keep letting yourself be the good person you are... You can find someone. Like I said, it is hard. Human connections are so hard to make. Rejection is so painful. But there's always a possibility that next time will be the time when you meet someone great.

You have already been through so much hard stuff and it really shows your strength that you just keep trying and trying.... I'm glad you managed to get clean from heroin, that is a really amazing accomplishment. You're doing good things and you deserve good things.

It's good to try to learn how to be happy by yourself if you can. Learn about good activities you can do yourself that make you happy to help pass the time. And just like.. keep trying!

I know from personal experience how hard it is. I'm at a place where I feel like no one will love me for who I am. But even simple interactions with people help. Like if I can tell an artist online I admire what I love about their art, and that makes them happy... That's a good interaction and it helps!

Grab onto any little bit of happiness you can and hold on tight. Things might get better if you keep holding on and trying.

I'm sorry if anything I said is bad. I try really hard to say things that might help. I hope things get better for you really soon. You deserve to be happy. Good luck.

[CosmianAndNovella]

Hello Snerpy.

We hope that you have been feeling better in the past couple of days. We can understand feelings of confusion, distress, self-hatred. We really like Birdi's post in that we're here, we're all here to wish you nothing but happiness and success in your life. We are a community, and we would love to see a member of our community thrive alongside us.

We don't personally grovel in the past, and so, our objective here is to give you a different perspective on what you went through in your relationship, what you're going through currently, and tweaks you could make to make sure you don't make the same mistakes. We feel the same sentiments as Birdi in the previous post, that one shouldn't hate themselves, and that being clean of a hard drug is nothing short of a big personal accomplishment. But we do notice that there is room for improvement that may perhaps fall outside of the scope you have in your current environment. We wish not to offend you, but rather, give you a very personal and customized view of your reality, in other words, "tough love".

First off, we cannot look past the fact that you went behind your Caregiver and wrote paragraphs in frustration that, if these were about you, they wouldn't make you feel well. Imagine if she logged on LSO, and she saw you, and your post. That wouldn't be very good for her, especially considering her mental health, right?
Not only that. You refer to your (ex?-) Caregiver as "an online CG". Not only "my online CG", not "my CG", but "an online CG". This may not sound like much, just words. But you repeat similar mood when you say "apparently even just talking online is too much for her most of the time." Stress on the word apparently. We don't know what your relationship with her was like, or how deep of a relationship it was, but those sentences make it look like you didn't really have as deep a bond as what CG/L relationships can be about. Again, we don't know if it was frustration that lead you to write that way.

We think that it is perfectly okay to reach out publicly to others for help, advice, even to rant. We encourage that! But in spite of freedom of speech, there are ethic codes that one should know to prevent having the tongue slip. We personally feel insulted that you would treat her that way. That even after a good time you shared with her, that when she felt weak you would stab her in the back like this.

Pleas, please, please remember that "online relationships" don't only live online. That is a wrong way to look at things. We believe in "relationships online", that the online aspect is only an extension of the relationship aspect. When you talk to somebody online, you are talking to a person, almost as if you were right there next to them. People have feelings, thoughts, likes, dislikes. Their online presence is part of their persona, their identity.

We feel that people that say and show some form of mental health issue, and especially if they're close to you, that you must offer your support as best as you can. Even if it presents some inconvenience to you. That truly demonstrates patience, love and understanding, and speaks very loud.

Just because a person says they identify as a CG does not make them automatically capable of complete independence and to magically be able to fix every problem in their lives. Again, people regardless of their identity, we all face problems, issues, have shortcomings. As your partner you should try and be what she lacks, to try and complement one another.

If you still keep contact with her, we suggest that you try and have a heart-to-heart talk with her, if you haven't done so. Make sure to make her feel loved, cherished, appreciated, but also discuss the matter of her mental health and her unavailability. Be very careful not to put any blame on her (unless it is truly justified), as that is a quick way for a person to crumble and feel more than stung.

You decided to have a relationship with them. You too are a human being and it takes two to make a relationship. You too should be able to decide what is good for yourself. But what we're saying is, you should consider your actions and repercussions before deciding what to do. You should be able to think beforehand what set of compromises you are willing to make when establishing partnerships.

We are sorry that you're facing demons right now, but everybody has demons they face too. Just stay strong and try your best to be wise in this situation. You have lots of value and we all want you to succeed and be happy.

[Snerpydoodle]

I think you misinterpreted some of what I said in the tone and stuff, I still send her messages several times a day even if she only actually replies less than once a week on average. I am doing everything I can to keep things going with her!

[CosmianAndNovella]

Our points still stand.

It’s uncool to go behind someone’s back and give a bad impression of them, even if they have no way of knowing you’re doing so.

We also don’t think it’s cool to be looking for another caregiver while stringing somebody else along. Does she know you’re looking?

Does she know your thoughts, feelings? Do you know her thoughts, feelings? Do you each other know the current relationship status?

[LittleBJY]

Yeah i hear you i have been rejected and even replaced by a little girl before... nothing hurts more by staying your not good enough... but there is still hope and you do have value you will find someone trust me. Things happen in there own time... i have learned that through being abandoned 4 times... but i have a family now. And you will find someone trust me

[LittleBJY]

I have been through my own hell myself it will get better eventually it always does even when i dont think the sun will rise tomorrow it still does so things will eventually get better things just take time