Caregivers, Mommies, Daddies, adult babies, middles, babyfur, diaperfur, and all other Bigs and littles discuss regression, relationship dynamics, have open group conversation, share experienced advice, and exchange ideas to help one another grow in knowledge. (Age 18 or older only permitted)
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#52932
I used to regularly regress 4 to 5 times a week by myself whenever i was at home alone (I have 3 roomates that all know I'm a little). Lately I've been supressing it, which I've been told can be very traumatic and damaging? I have not regressed for 3 months because every time i start to feel it take over or relax enough, i get hit with these huge feelings of shame, depression, inadequacy etc. And i end up having a panic attack.
I've never had a caregiver despite wanting one. I started to bring my ex into it and he seemed really into it but he saw it as a strictly "sex act" and wanted nothing to do with it after i made him thoroughly research and then sat down to talk about it.
i think never having a partner/daddy/mommy or CG that i feel safe with has really messed me up and is causing me this obnoxious amount of misplaced guilt and i don't know how to get around it?
All i know is that regression has been my stress relief and my release for so long and not having it anymore is really tearing me apart.
So if you have any guidance or advice i am 100% open to it.

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#52934
It is not traumatic, damaging, or harmful to not experience a deeply regressive episode. Please don't concern yourself with that misunderstanding. Remember that just because something feels therapeutic it does not mean it is actual therapy or can stand in place of scientifically proven methods of therapy. Littlespace, or active regression, is not a form of therapy, and subduing your own personality traits so that you can function in a setting where that trait is inappropriate is not causing you damage or trauma. Perhaps it can cause some stress, which should be managed in various ways and not in just one single form, but there is no real damage or long-term effects of repressing your regression. It's like choosing to be quiet in a situation where only whispers are permitted--you still have a voice but choosing to not use it for some time isn't going to cause you damage.

It sounds like you believe Caregivers can do something that they really can't or that they are superheroes, capable of resolving all of your negative emotions and stressors just by existing. This is an unhealthy mentality toward another human, and it's very, very important to realize that Caregivers are just people too. They're just more parental partners when it comes to romance, and that's also extremely important to keep in mind. Parents are not as often hands-on as you may want to believe, and, truthfully, a Caregiver isn't going to be able to make you experience regression just because they're in the same room as you.
A "good Caregiver" cannot just magically make your troubles go away or make you feel whole inside if you're not well.

A "good Caregiver" accepting you also isn't going to magically resolve all of your problems or personal unhappiness, even about your own self. There are things that we have to work on within ourselves. There is happiness we need to find within ourselves. We cannot expect another person to make everything right and good when we are the ones holding ourselves back from experiencing happiness.

So, there are a few crucial things you need to understand:

1. Regression or "littlespace" is not therapy. It may feel therapeutic for some people when they fully express themselves but it is not actual therapy and cannot substitute therapy.
Please see a counselor or therapist if you need help with managing stress, past trauma, or coping with a current situation. Regression is not going to magically do that for you or anyone. There is nothing shameful about needing a little assistance in life. Anyone who says that regression is so massively therapeutic for them and that it resolves all of their life problems is fooling themselves.

2. A heavy regressive experience does not "make everything go away". You do not become someone else, and you do not forget what exists. You still have full awareness around you and you should. This is not a mental disorder. This is a rare personality trait. The expression of that personality trait is commonly referred to as "regressing" or "littlespace" within the community. It just means you are actively displaying your trait externally, and that can be personally fulfilling but it should not be resolving issues that are real in your life. Regression is not medication, is not therapy even if it feels therapeutic, and is not a cure for real life problems.

3. You do not need a Caregiver to be able to experience regression if you are a little, and do not need a Caregiver to validate your existence.
A Caregiver is much like a parental sort of partner. The role of a Caregiver is often to mimic parenting or over-parenting of their partner, as if their partner is their child. They express love through this way, and that love is more valuable to the little since it often feeds into their feeling of natural regression. It's still an adult relationship though, and the two(+) people involved in the relationship are expected to work together to form the right bond together that works for them.

Caregivers also cannot give you full validation as a person if you feel guilty for being who you naturally are in life. Please try not to fall into the thought that a Caregiver's acceptance is what you need. Again, fulfillment is much deeper than having a person in your life that identifies one way or another.

It's important to keep in mind though that parents are not as hands-on and interactive to children when children are doing activities targeted to children. A lot of parenting is passive is what I'm saying.
So, logically, a Caregiver has a lot of passive moments where they are simply "accepting" the little in their regression. They are often "on standby" where they multitask another activity while the little colors, watches a fun movie, draws, listens to music and dances around, plays with their stuffed animals, coos or crawls, eats their fingerfoods, etc. When the little is not in heavy regression then the Caregiver takes on a more romantic role where they are essentially the persons boyfriend/girlfriend/partner.

What I'm coming to is that having another person around is absolutely unnecessary when it comes to fulfilling self-expression, and I would strongly encourage you to find the wholeness in your private expression rather than focusing on not having a secondary, passive person around. Once you explore yourself and have a strong understanding of your ultimate expectations and needs from a partner then you can find an appropriate match that is going to actually care about you--as a person, as an individual, as someone deeply special and irreplaceable, and not just as one single role, label, or title that makes up a part of you.

Finding a Caregiver is the same as finding a boyfriend/girlfriend (or partner, if you're inclined to say that more genderlessly). We are much, much more than just one single label, and we are not all equal in our personalities, desires, goals, or interests. That means that not Caregivers are the same, not all Caregivers are compatible with you, and not all incompatible Caregivers are "bad"--they're just not right for you.

My suggestion here would be:

  • Explore various ways of relieving stress in your personal life. Search Google for some ideas of general stress relief and try them out in your day to day life and see how some of them make you feel. :read:
  • Consider what it is you want in a partner and make an effort to find that individual person, regardless of the label they do or do not hold within a certain community. Compatibility goes far beyond one single title, role, or identity.
    Partnering is going to take a long time to achieve for most people. Expect it to take a long time, for you to have failures before a grand success, and for it to actually be a partnership--not something where you get all of your needs met and then the other person robotically just deals with their own issues without your involvement. :you:
  • Talk with someone about your concerns, worries, stress, and general problems. Community forums can be great for letting things out. Chat rooms may be helpful. A good therapist is probably best since they can professionally help you work through things and have an educated background on psychology and mental welfare. Bottling your thoughts up isn't helpful though. :call:
  • Make private time regularly for yourself to allow yourself to feel extra regressed if that's what naturally comes of the moment. If you don't fall into a deeper regression then that's okay. If you do become more regressed then that's okay. Set yourself up to just have a relaxing time and enjoy the moment, whatever that moment brings. This comes back to the first point though in seeking ways to reduce personal stress in your life though so don't get all worked up about having not experienced something you had wanted to experience. :stuffie:

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