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#52926
So I've never had a cg in person, but I've had a long-distance mommy for a couple months now. She helped me alot, an Ive been really happy but... Recent she's been logging out when I get online, or ignoring something I say and talking about sonething else, and we almost never talk anymore. My question is, how do I know if she still wants me? I feel like she doesn anymore and now i spend less and less time in littlespace and more and more time just taking extra shifts at work so I dont have to think about it.

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#52927
There could be many, many reasons for the change in behavior. Your guess will be better than ours though since you know her more personally.

  • It could be anything from a quick pairing just generally fizzling out due to lack of common interests outside of one specific thing.
  • It could be her wanting to be more partners in some regard, but also not wanting to give up her parental nature with you so she's just avoiding the topic.
  • It could be that she has other partners and has not devoted or dedicated herself to building your relationship together. Being spread too thin and not taking each individual relationship seriously will not result in good, solid partnerships.
  • It could be that she wants something in-person and she isn't sure how to tell you this or, perhaps, even come to grips with that fact herself.
  • It could be that she has felt the relationship has been one-sided and wants you to make an effort to learn more about her on a partnership level.
  • It could be that she has reflected on the relationship and doesn't feel you have enough in common so is hoping you will end things before she has to go through it herself. This can happen if you rushed into things and didn't take the time to really get to know one another or build up to the bond.
  • It could be external factors such as stress, depression, or what she feels like is "pressure to perform" for you.
  • It could be external factors, such as stress or a large life event, that she feels she cannot talk with you about without risking being seen as incapable of caring for you.
  • It could be anything. Really. I could say, "It could be that she lost her legs in a freak accident and doesn't know how to tell you so..!"
There are so many possibilities, but the one fact here is that she is the only one who truly will be able to tell you what is going on. You will need to make effort to communicate with her and talk about this subject instead of sweeping it under the rug and also avoiding it by taking overtime at work. Ignoring problems isn't solving anything. This isn't going to magically go away because you neglected it.

So, read up on things like Caregiver burnout, put your big boy/girl hat on, and ready yourself for a serious, deep conversation. Then open up the conversational door and try to talk with her about the issue. Reach out to her and show her that she is important to you beyond her identity as a Mommy. Leave her messages, texts, or an e-mail. Let her know that you've realized that things have calmed down some between you two and you're becoming concerned about her well-being since you haven't really checked in with one another for awhile. Let her know that if she's going through something unpleasant for her then you want to step up and be her helper, that it's important to you that she is also happy. Ask her if there is something you can do to help coincide with her schedule better so that you can enjoy a passive activity together like watching a comedy. If you do get to the point that you get to spend time together then casually ask about her, her life, her work, her stressors, and offer to listen to her vent. Talk about things she obviously wants to talk about, let her lead the conversation, and make an effort to actively participate in the discussion(s) she wants to have too. Show her that she means something to you.

CGL relationships are actual relationships, and all relationships have good and bad times. You will need to expect to put in time, effort, and serious energy into keeping it alive and functioning well long-term. These are not ever casual partnerships so they're not always going to be easy peasy, rainbows and sunshine, unfortunately. It's okay to have bumps in the road here and there, but it isn't okay to ignore these things when you see them because those neglected bumps will destroy your relationship if you don't take them seriously and move gently to get past them together.

I hope all goes well and you mend together.

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