- 5 years ago
#51101
So me and my boyfriend are long distance never mets. We've been together since April. He's known I was a little since we met and knew I liked things like diapers too because he found me on Instagram where I obviously post all that stuff. So it was obviously no shock that I was a little. He mentioned to me like when we really started talking that he wasn't really feeling his daddy side after a lot with his exes but I proceeded because I figured it was like when I have little space block and it would come back.
He doesn't inherently treat me little but sometimes when I'm feeling little and I ask a stupid question he'll answer me in that daddy way. I'm super duper soft and understanding and patient and figured that he will get there but I also hate confrontation so I never really say anything (it's bad I know but I'm working on communicating better).
Anyways, he has a lot going on now and he told me that he hasn't been great mentally recently either, which I knew. But we hadn't really been talking because I'd been busy and when I'm not he's busy. So Sunday comes and he wants to talk and he tells me everything that he has going on and he feels bad for neglecting me and not really being a daddy but he hasn't been in that headspace for a while and asks if we can take a break. And it was hard but I told him I'd rather he take care of himself right now and come back when things calm down.
I was processing it the whole night. I started talking to a very kind friend I started talking to before a littles event in my area. He told me to think of the positives, and even though I was sad I kinda started to get excited over being able to get babied the way I needed. Another event is coming up and I would be able to get carried around and hugs and snuggles and maybe even diaper changes if I wanted to. Things I couldn't do the last time because he was uncomfortable with that. This friend even offered to help me be little and baby me and watch over me if I wanted it.
Anyways, that next day he calls me saying that it wasn't helping and that he was worried I would move on or not want him back and he didn't know how long until he was back to himself. He wanted to be back together. I literally feel like I had mental whiplash and never even really processed the break in the first place. He started telling me that he thinks its just that his daddy side isn't there and he's having daddy block so right now he's just my boyfriend and not my caregiver which is fine. But I just can't help feeling that it's a little selfish. Maybe it's me being selfish, I totally understand not being able to care for me and such, but I NEED that. My little space is so important to me and I haven't gotten it in a while. Obviously, I have to talk to him about it...but is it selfish of me to think that he shouldn't hold me back from being babied the way I want from other people if he can't give it to me? Like I get it but at the same time....is it fair to me? I don't know, I can't really express how I feel without sounding like a bleep and I don't want to come off that way. I'm trying to be super patient but after getting excited about being babied freely and having that taken away because he's uncomfortable, I'm a little upset I guess. I'm obviously going to talk to him and see what he's comfortable with..but Idk. Like this friend will not and never be daddy. Literally just a platonic caregiver or like big brother figure, to help out while my boyfriend isn't in the state to do that for me.
He tried to flip it once when I mentioned wanting certain things at the last littles event and I understand things like spanking but things like diaper changes aren't physically intimate and I literally just want to experience these things in an open place. But he asked how I would feel if he was doing things like that for another sub (which I do currently have a 'sister' who is (or was) his sub whom he played with times when I wasn't around which i don't mind since we discussed it before but he /has/ done other things with another sub now so idk). My thing is that as long as it's prediscussed and not just done without communicating it's okay.
I don't know. Am I wrong?
He doesn't inherently treat me little but sometimes when I'm feeling little and I ask a stupid question he'll answer me in that daddy way. I'm super duper soft and understanding and patient and figured that he will get there but I also hate confrontation so I never really say anything (it's bad I know but I'm working on communicating better).
Anyways, he has a lot going on now and he told me that he hasn't been great mentally recently either, which I knew. But we hadn't really been talking because I'd been busy and when I'm not he's busy. So Sunday comes and he wants to talk and he tells me everything that he has going on and he feels bad for neglecting me and not really being a daddy but he hasn't been in that headspace for a while and asks if we can take a break. And it was hard but I told him I'd rather he take care of himself right now and come back when things calm down.
I was processing it the whole night. I started talking to a very kind friend I started talking to before a littles event in my area. He told me to think of the positives, and even though I was sad I kinda started to get excited over being able to get babied the way I needed. Another event is coming up and I would be able to get carried around and hugs and snuggles and maybe even diaper changes if I wanted to. Things I couldn't do the last time because he was uncomfortable with that. This friend even offered to help me be little and baby me and watch over me if I wanted it.
Anyways, that next day he calls me saying that it wasn't helping and that he was worried I would move on or not want him back and he didn't know how long until he was back to himself. He wanted to be back together. I literally feel like I had mental whiplash and never even really processed the break in the first place. He started telling me that he thinks its just that his daddy side isn't there and he's having daddy block so right now he's just my boyfriend and not my caregiver which is fine. But I just can't help feeling that it's a little selfish. Maybe it's me being selfish, I totally understand not being able to care for me and such, but I NEED that. My little space is so important to me and I haven't gotten it in a while. Obviously, I have to talk to him about it...but is it selfish of me to think that he shouldn't hold me back from being babied the way I want from other people if he can't give it to me? Like I get it but at the same time....is it fair to me? I don't know, I can't really express how I feel without sounding like a bleep and I don't want to come off that way. I'm trying to be super patient but after getting excited about being babied freely and having that taken away because he's uncomfortable, I'm a little upset I guess. I'm obviously going to talk to him and see what he's comfortable with..but Idk. Like this friend will not and never be daddy. Literally just a platonic caregiver or like big brother figure, to help out while my boyfriend isn't in the state to do that for me.
He tried to flip it once when I mentioned wanting certain things at the last littles event and I understand things like spanking but things like diaper changes aren't physically intimate and I literally just want to experience these things in an open place. But he asked how I would feel if he was doing things like that for another sub (which I do currently have a 'sister' who is (or was) his sub whom he played with times when I wasn't around which i don't mind since we discussed it before but he /has/ done other things with another sub now so idk). My thing is that as long as it's prediscussed and not just done without communicating it's okay.
I don't know. Am I wrong?