- 7 years ago
#18038
As a little, it's become increasingly difficult to accept the fact that this is something I should enjoy rather than feeling like I am wrong for having such childish tendencies. While I have very good makings of a professional life it often becomes difficult and sometimes sickening to imagine myself taking a break from all of that to be a little, even though it is something I enjoy very much.
I can attribute this to my home life as well as my love life. In my home life, I was always well taken care of monetarily by my mother who, god bless her, is a wonderful worker and provider. However, this doesn't change the string of bad influences and straight up emotional traumas the likes of verbal threats and abandonment from my immature father and mentally ill addict stepfather.
Probably less of a reason that this is the case is both my professional life and love life. I haven't had much luck finding someone to help me validate this side and open me up to the idea of accepting who I want to be and like to be, but feel burdensome and guilty for trying to feel that way or work like that. There are constant reminders in both work and activities that I hold responsibility and worries and while these shape character they also serve to make me feel like I'm being unproductive and useless if I go into little space.
I'd like to hear if anyone has thoughts on this or stories of their own to share. Being a little makes me so happy but whenever I break the initial bliss I feel like a useless and broken adult who is doing something shameful.
I can attribute this to my home life as well as my love life. In my home life, I was always well taken care of monetarily by my mother who, god bless her, is a wonderful worker and provider. However, this doesn't change the string of bad influences and straight up emotional traumas the likes of verbal threats and abandonment from my immature father and mentally ill addict stepfather.
Probably less of a reason that this is the case is both my professional life and love life. I haven't had much luck finding someone to help me validate this side and open me up to the idea of accepting who I want to be and like to be, but feel burdensome and guilty for trying to feel that way or work like that. There are constant reminders in both work and activities that I hold responsibility and worries and while these shape character they also serve to make me feel like I'm being unproductive and useless if I go into little space.
I'd like to hear if anyone has thoughts on this or stories of their own to share. Being a little makes me so happy but whenever I break the initial bliss I feel like a useless and broken adult who is doing something shameful.