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#39452
I'm new to the ddlb lifestyle. So that means I'm stupid on a lot of things. I immediately wanted to find a boy and have a great care giver and little relationship. Seems every time I do this it backfires because I think I've trusted the person too nuch abd rushed in when I should not have. I'm both a trusting person (agents of the outside world) and untrusting one (people when it comes to relationships). I'm beginning to think trust is something I need to hold way way back. It's just not in this community but pretty much everywhere else: I trust someone and they leave, lie, forget about me, or just use me.

When and to what degree of trust does one give before not ever trusting anyone? I'm in a very down mood today, hence the topic.

Thanks for listening

Nuresferatu, the Nurse of the Night (and sometimes day)

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#39462
I know exactly how you feel. I have gotten burned a few times myself, and it is a struggle to not be jaded by it. I've found myself starting to assume the worst right out the gate. Which is sad because I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt Trust has become something to be earned and can not be assumed. There are still plenty of good trustworthy people out there, but there are also more shady people in the world now.
Everyone always puts their best foot forward when you first meet them. Given enough time they will always show their true colors though.
Finding that special someone is a test of patience. The more time you take in developing the relationship the better. Everything is always so new and wonderful in the beginning. It's not until after that period that you start to really get to know the person.
Of course this is a catch 22. You can't build a relationship without trust So how much trust should you give when starting a new relationship? I haven't figured that part out yet. I could probably drone on about best practices, but no one knows. Unless you can tell the future you never know if the next one will be the one and you might drive them away by holding back or you could have your heart broken 6 more times.
The best advice i can give is to keep putting yourself out there and know in advance that there will be many that will disappoint and hurt you, but there will also be those who surprise you. Know that eventually you will find those that you can trust and count on and maybe even that special someone. The alternative is a very bleak and lonely existence.

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#39751
I am exactly the same. I have severe social anxiety and have a hard time making friends in real life. But I've made a lot of friends online via forums and social media, so I am naturally more trusting of the people I meet online. However, this has led to becoming the victim of predators more than once because I say things I shouldn't without realizing it because I'm just *that* socially impaired. I'm beginning to learn that I need to draw it back a bit and be more careful with the information I share about myself with the new people I meet online. It makes me really sad, too, because I've made some of my best friends online, but it is what it is.

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#40388
I'd recommend just slowing down. If you don't rush into relationships and take your time getting to know the person, then odds are they'll turn out to be the person you thought they were. It's hard to take your time and keep your distance, especially online, but in the end things get much nicer.

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#40592
So here's what I learned in my experience of dating and otherwise.
If you have an open heart, people will use the poop out of you and overall take advantage of you, it's hard to rely on someone or trust someone after they've hurt you. However at the same time, everyone is different. If you have standards for who you consider to be your friend or a friend then the people who don't treat you like that or act like that in general you won't have to worry about being their friend and potentially getting close because they won't be worthwhile enough to actually continue the bond with. And as far as deeper relationships go, My best advice is to build a very good foundation first, you know what you want and chances are the little you're seeking does as well. Don't rush into things, don't let that infatuation take root. Let it make you have hope for things but don't be blind to things that might pass you by or hurt you.
Trust is a huge factor in a bond, and an open talking policy is something I hold in my relationship, because it helps us communicate and talk about things more fluently.

When there is doubt then you have problems and jealousy and the works. but if you trust each-other you don't worry about miscommunication or doubt or any of the bad stuff because you might get to the point where you trust each other as to find out whats going on first before you let your emotions take over.
Currently I'm someone who is extremely open-minded and protective and caring of my friends and CG.
We have a great bond and I love making friends. however I put up little barriers in accordance to how close they are to me or how much I trust them, strangers get the benefit of the doubt until I get a full perspective on their personality, then if I think they'e a kind person they get a little closer. And if they aren't a good person then I just disregard them as a whole and find someone who's better off for me to be friends with. And overall it's really all how about you approach the situation.
You can be in a poopy situation and still make things work out or be optimistic enough (even if you fake it) to where it doesn't bother you as much. And if you do choose to be negative.. you might end up making things worse.. Dont let your past define your present which is why I say dont hold things against people you don't know yet. Learn to trust and learn to love, but also make sure you take care of yourself and hold standards "Would I date this person if they were like this or that, would a little who needs this or that or who is like this or that work out in a bond with me" As yourself those kinda questions and just be productive in your search and you should turn up ok. Just balance emotional decisions and make sure when you do logical decisions you're not cold.

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